questioning your site!!

What is the name of your state? calif. i thankyou for your responce but i have a question.... i have been reading on this site about other situations like mine and found that you were in favor of the grandparents keeping a child when the child was given to them! they ( the natural parents) left there child so live with it! with my situation, all of a sudden the parents want him back ,and your saying to me that i should give him back after 10 years!! if your all lawyers LIKE YOU CLAIM what will a judge favor the natural parents or the parents that have been taking care of hime for all of his life,10 years......

[Jeter]

The biological parents will be favored hands down. Especialy when you were deemed unfit. Pray for visitation. Sorry for the bad news. Don't bash the site because you didn't get the answer you would have liked.

[stealth2]

It's impossible to say what a court will rule. MOST of the time, judges have balance the general desire of society to reunite children with their natural parents with not uprooting a child who has lived in one home for a significant period of time. HOWEVER... You yourself say that your son has turned his life around and has stayed straight for five years, while you and your husband seemingly have not. You've moved back in with a drunk. Being rational - where is the more stable situation? Back with his father, IMO.

And where did you get the idea that all of us are lawyers?

[sroutlaw]

The mistake here, Grandma, was in forgetting you are GRANDMA, even if on full time duty, and not MOM. YOu need to be honest with yourself and with this child. You are grandparents. And you have your own issues that need attention. Dad SOUNDS to be on the right path whereas, you are still in a drunken household. The boy needs and deserves his natural parents if at all stable.

Please seek help from AA, for your husband if he will go, and AlAnon for yourself. You are sounding very codependent.

[nextwife]

OF the ONLY issue were the current readiness of the father to finally get around to parenting the child, I would say that uprouting him after 10 years is outrageous. After 10 years, whatever the relationship is technically, to the child they function as Mom and Dad and should continue to be. Parents shouldn't park their kids for a DECADE and then wander back and say "OH, I'm ready now!" If they want to be a parent, they should get their frickin act together and BE one when their child needs them to, not take a decade to get around to it. (my editorial comment)

However, there are other issues here. The situation you described does create endangerment. That is an overriding concern.

Has some of this thread been deleted or something? Its seems like alot is missing. But from some of the responses i gathered the basics.

The mistake here, Grandma, was in forgetting you are GRANDMA, even if on full time duty, and not MOM. YOu need to be honest with yourself and with this child. You are grandparents

I think this is kind of wrong to say seeing as the MOM obviously made the mistake of forgetting she WAS the MOM. She needs to be honest with herself and realize that her child hasnt known her as a MOM for 10 years.
I also do think that the drinking needs to be put to a stop. If you care for this child and wish the living arrangements to remain as they have been, for the best interest of this child that you claim to want with you, it HAS to be changed I mean if you want him living with you make it a decent, nurturing, and wholesome place to reside.
End of my 2 cents

[stealth2]

dying inside - click on the "Search" button under the original post, and you'll get all of the poster's postings. Having a gander at that will fill in some of the blanks for you.

[ellencee]

What is the name of your state? calif. i thankyou for your responce but i have a question.... i have been reading on this site about other situations like mine and found that you were in favor of the grandparents keeping a child when the child was given to them! they ( the natural parents) left there child so live with it! with my situation, all of a sudden the parents want him back ,and your saying to me that i should give him back after 10 years!! if your all lawyers LIKE YOU CLAIM what will a judge favor the natural parents or the parents that have been taking care of hime for all of his life,10 years......

christiansmom

Here I go again--I'm not in agreement with the answers this poster has received. The grandparents in this situation, if I understand it, have had possession of the child for 10 years and now the parents want the child back.

From what I have learned from those who post as attorneys and seem to be attorneys, the court is going to rule in the best interest of the child and to hell with the adults' opinions on what they want.

If the grandparents have been the 'parents' for the past ten years, I believe the court will leave the child right where he is--with the grandparents--and will not remove the child from the only home the child has had and the only life the child has had for the past ten years.

My advice is for the grandparents to file for sole custody of the grandchild and to file for support, including retroactive support, from these absent parents.

Good luck, Grandma! Go get 'em!
EC

[stealth2]

Ellencee - go read the OP's other posts. There's a lot more to the story than is in this one.

[ellencee]

That's what I was doing, reading the other post.

The father of the child knew and has known that his father had a drinking problem but the father had no guilt or concern over leaving the child for ten years in the home with the grandparents.

This father has one heck of alot of nerve. Grandma and Grandpa did not just babysit this child for ten years; they gave up their 'free' part of life to start parenting all over again. And, what is the thanks that they get--hand over the kid and kiss off.

The grandfather may need to go to detox again and the marriage may need to mend, or it may need to end. The grandmother has no obligation to stay with a man who won't quit drinking and be a responsible mate. They don't have to divorce, but she can take the child and create a stable home for the two of them.

This situation really hit a nerve with me. If my daughter left my granddaughter with me for ten years and appeared out of nowhere after living free as a butterfly while I sacrificed and raised my granddaughter and demanded the child back, I'd tell her 'over my dead body' and by George, I'd mean it. I'd fight her all the way through the court system. Heck, I'm afraid I'd take one flying leap and knock her flat just to get started.

--I came back to add this: How old is the child? There can't be that many years left before the child finishes high school and leaves to establish a life of his own. Is there any reason why the father could not have visitation and perhaps gradually assume the role of parent while granting the grandparents generous access to the child and the granting the child generous access to the grandparents? I still think I'd fight every step of the way to keep a child I had raised for ten years and I'd fight for the child's right to stay with the only parents he had ever had.

EC

[stealth2]

I don't disagree with you completely, ellencee. But I do think that the OP's decision to move back in with her husband may not sit well with a judge.

[ellencee]

stealth2
And--I agree with you on that!
EC