rights w/ stepchild

[md&hm]

What is the name of your state? sc
I recently married & had 3 of my own children & now have inherited a new daughter. her mother brain washes her about me, kids & husband. she threatens us that if her biological father disiplines her in any way, he'll go back to court (he's never been the least bit abusive). Threatens that if I discipline her at all, she'll have me put in jail. We both do still use proper forms of discipline, because we will not tolerate tantrums & such in our home, but I would like to know where I stand, legally.

[mommyof4]

Legally, you are the woman the child's father married. That's it.

You did not inherit a daughter.

You should not be disciplining the child beyond reinforcing the rules that Dad has set. If the child throws a tantrum while Dad isn't there, make sure the child is in a safe place and then tell Dad to deal with it when he returns. You are newly married. It will take time for everyone to settle. Be patient and stop thinking of this child as your child. It will make life easier.

[ErynSMA]

She is not your daughter.

It is not your job to discipline your husband's child as you are a LEGAL STRANGER to her.

Legally, you have NO standing whatsoever in relation to this child.

Leave this battle between mom and dad, as it should be, and back off.

[Idori]

Think of his daughter as being the neighbors child instead of 'yours'. You probably wouldn't discipline your neighbors child like your own. You would set clear rules but refer any 'discipline' back to the parent.

That is how hands off you should be with your step daughter. Be kind to her even when you don't feel like it, she is not yours.

[Gracie3787]

Originally Posted by md&hm

What is the name of your state? sc
I recently married & had 3 of my own children & now have inherited a new daughter. her mother brain washes her about me, kids & husband. she threatens us that if her biological father disiplines her in any way, he'll go back to court (he's never been the least bit abusive). Threatens that if I discipline her at all, she'll have me put in jail. We both do still use proper forms of discipline, because we will not tolerate tantrums & such in our home, but I would like to know where I stand, legally.

Your question was where you legally stand. Legally, you have no rights.
However, you do have any rights that your husband gives you in reference to discipline and basic at home type of stuff. But, you and husband should be very careful, you enforcing rules is one thing, but spanking is another. If you and husband agree, you really should leave the main discipling to your husband. It can be rough to be a step mom when the mother doesn't like it, but it can be worked out between you and your husband.

[happybug]

We both do still use proper forms of discipline

Is " proper " an euphemism for physical in this phrase?

[penelope10]

Originally Posted by Idori

Think of his daughter as being the neighbors child instead of 'yours'. You probably wouldn't discipline your neighbors child like your own. You would set clear rules but refer any 'discipline' back to the parent.

That is how hands off you should be with your step daughter. Be kind to her even when you don't feel like it, she is not yours.

Wow, I think that was a really great way to explain this. Good job.

To make this clearer, just as you are a legal stranger to the neighbor's child, you too are a legal stranger to your husband's child. Would you think it was acceptable to spank the neighbor's child? (If what you are calling discipline is spanking).