Rule to Show Cause

What is the name of your state? Virginia

Case is in the District Court. My husband and I filed a rule to show cause against his ex, for her failure to ober yet another court order. The rule to show cause is because she was let out of jail on her word that she would get a job, pay her arrearages, pay her support, and pay for a paternity test. She's done nothing but make inept excuses. When we go back for the rule to show cause, what is going to happen? How can we prepare for it? Is there anything we should definetely have ready? We have listings going back a month to show all the jobs in the area, for "no experience needed". We'd like to show the courts emails that she sent my husband, showing her contempt for the court, their orders, and my husband; and showing her complete lack of parental responsibility. I've tried researching online, and at the law libraries, but I am not finding what the exact proceedure is.. or even what happens during a rule to show cause.
I postted this before but it wasn't under the Family Law section, but under the Child support, visitation section.
The reason for all the questions is that we are acting as our own lawyer. We are indebted to our lawyer for a few more years.

[kat1963]

There really isn't anything to it. You already have your evidence together. It will just be read (by your husband) and given to the judge. He will then ask her questions. It's pretty informal. I do suggest however, that the parenting responsibility (or lack there of) thing be kept on the sidelines and only brought to light if need be or requested by the judge. This isn't a motion to modify her visitation or custody. Your husband doesn't want to sound vindictive, but a concerned father who only wants to obtain the financial benefits due his children.
As you know, it’s up to the judge to find her in contempt. I wouldn’t be amazed that she shows up with a job and a few bucks in hand come judgment day..oh I mean the day of court. If that is the case, it’s unlikely that the judge will put her back in the slammer since she’s showing good faith. But you never know! I’m kind of surprised she was even give jail time previously.
KAT

Thanks Yeah, we are waiting to see if she is thrown back into jail, and will then file a motion to amend visitation if she hasn't been. She hasn't shown any good faith. She was thrown in jail because she didn't obey a court order since 2000, and defiantly told the court she didn't have to listen to them. (this last part is partially ad-libbed, but it IS the gyst of what she said)
So even though she hasn't paid anything for about a year, willingly; and she owes $4245.09; she might just get a slap on the wrist? How is this fair? She never calls my step-son, when we drop him off/pick him up, she just kind of stares at him, no hugs, no kisses.. I know it may sound like I am vindictive, or even maybe my husband is.. but we aren't. I just don't see how people are allowed to be called parents, when they show no emotion for their children.

[kat1963]

Far be it for me to think you guys are vindictive. We were told by the judge that bio couldn't pay arrears, she has no job & now needed the child support from Hubby in order to live. (she was the same as yours for 7 years, then the teens decided to go live w/her) Anyway, if you are going back before the same judge who put her in jail the last time, I betcha she goes in again! But you have to think too..is it really going to bother her? hahaha Sure, it would kill you or me, but people like that? Probably think of it as a vacation of sorts...and an excuse to validate other problems in their life as well.
As for the visitation thing, what is your reason? IF it's only that she hasn't paid support, not going to work & you could end up having to pay her legal fees...you didn't say much about that, so I don't know what you have. She probably won't do enough jail time for it to matter because by the time the modification makes it to court..she'd be out anyway.
There is always adoption you know! *S*
KAT

Yes, we specifically asked for the same judge. He gave her alot of rope in the past, and was fed up with her. She's been caught lying on the stand, tampering with testimony, etc.
The reason for wanting to change visitation, is as follows:
(trying to stay calm and rational) My step-son is developmentally disabled in speech and cognitive skills. He is only 3, so the school system thinks they can fix his speech delays, if they have enough time to work with him. He goes 5 days a week, and will most likely be enrolled in their summer program. The biological mother has no concern with the school. She thinks he's just being "lazy". Also, she has no respect for when he needs to sleep, ie: dropping him off at 5:30 at night at the halfway point, when she knows we have 3-4 hours to drive home, and he goes to school the next day. Also, a lack of responsibility when he gets hurt and how to dress him for weather. Just alot of things that add up.

So your children went to live with the biological mother when they were teens? Probably because she has no rules and such, same way that my son's biological mother has. It's such a pity. That must be like adding salt to a raw wound. ;(

Can I adopt him even though she still has visitation rights? If so, I will do so in a heartbeat. He doesn't even call her mommy, only me. He screams, smacks, and kicks her. None of which is behavior his father and I support (except when I am alone, and can give a little chuckle).

[kat1963]

Yes, you know what we went thru, I hardly have to say anymore. This is one reason I brought up adoption. Had I been in this situation sooner, I would have adopted the children. They would have had no where to run. hehehe Like my biological son...who at 18 turned out so far so good. So yes, you are right. No rules bio. Now ss is 15 in the 7th grade (no, he's not disabled, he IS lazy, he was on the honor roll 2 years in a row here. Bio shipped him out of state to her mothers house instead of summer school to pass) and sd is a drop out, possibly prego & going to marry her 19 year old boyfriend. We don't have contact with them any longer...long sad, sick, twisted story. Our bio is a diablo.

As for the adoption, if she agrees it's a fairly easy process. As for arrears, I just put down that there was none, the judge signed it. (my husband adopted my son from a different marriage). Heck, doesn't sound like you'll see it anyway. The ex sent a copy to child support & that was that. He was off the hook. Due to the age of the child however, in VA, the judge might or might not require that there is a meeting w/him between all parties, or that social services comes out to your home. If she doesn't agree, then it would be a whole different ball of wax. There is also an open adoption...she can VISIT infrequently or whatever. There is also a new birth certificate issued w/you as the biological mother. Cool huh? And VA only charges you 5 bucks for that....but we know they make it up elsewhere!!!

I hate to think of anyone having their parental rights terminated. It's very sad. But knowing what I know now, it might be the only possible way to save the child. When he gets older she's going to try work him & work him good. He'll start to feel sorry for her, come to like her way of life. You risk the possibility of ending up like us.....and this is not a place I wish on anyone. When you get some time, research PAS (parental alienation syndrome) in order to prepare yourself & learn the signals!! Never, ever underestimate her, NEVER. I've dealt with the clone!!!


KAT

I know it's not much to say, but I am sorry about your children. When I was a kid, my father did the same thing to between my mother and I. I swore how much I hated her,and my step-father.. and it was until I became a parent (legally step-parent) to fully realize, and apologize for what I put my mom and step-dad through. My husband and I are even putting off having any more children, until everything with our son is more calm.
I wish she would agree to let me adopt my son; but I know she won't. She gets pleasure out of hurting my husband and I. Would it be possible to bring up in the rule to show cause and/or the motion to change visitation to be able the adoption option?
Thank you so much, you are so informative, and are a wonderful ear to vent to. I do agree with you, I don't like to think of anyone having their parental rights terminated. As much as I detest my son's biological mother, I wish she would get her act together and be the mother she needs to be. I guess it goes back to that old quote about just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to love you, doesn't mean they don't love you at all... or something like that.
I printed off a couple factoid sheets about PAS, thank you. I'm going to go over them with my husband tonight.

[kat1963]

Legally no. While pro se’ litigants are given a lot of leeway, I doubt the judge would even listen to one minute of the adoption since it was not in the motion. Now, while you THINK she might not give up her rights, she is against the wall on many circumstances. If I were you, I would have the lawyer (or you!!) prepare the papers & serve her. I would NOT bother to say anything thru e-mail either. Just do it. She either signs or she doesn’t ..you’ll know where you stand.
Don’t put your life on hold. If you want to have a kidlet, do it!! I have a 2 year old *S*. Best thing I ever did. Between you and me, it reorganizes your focus for sure!! Dwelling on this crapploa, will kill you slowly too...they like that, it feeds their fire..
KAT

Ok, we have had a busy weekend/week. Lots of snow kept us locked in the house, so we are starting to draw up papers for adoption.. That was a great idea.. and you are right, we just don't know what she might do...worth at least the try..

So.. here's the newest news. DBM wants a continuance, because she is going to Iowa for Christmas. Nice to know she has money to go away for the holidays, and she insists tht if she sends $500 she will be paid up.. which she won't; she'll still owe over $4000 in arrearages. My husband and she need to do a conference call with the judge to see if she can get a continuance. My husband and I want to stop the visitation for December, as she has a history of running away with our child.

Can we legitemately ask for the visitation to be suspended for December, until after the continuance, because of her track record? Our biggest fear, is that she is faced with jail time, and she ran the last time she was "threatened" by the court system.

[kat1963]

You can ask for anything you wish, it's up to the judge to grant it. Holiday visitation..whew, I'd really have my doubts on that one. But heck, the holidays are almost here, she's leaving, not really that much time for visitation is there? I also seriously doubt the judge is going to grant a continuance so she can go play (out of state when she's facing jail time??)...but you never know. When is that conference call suppose to be?

If I were in your position, (now that she's leaving) I'd probably have hubby hit her up with the adoption thing before she leaves. (cause finding her isn't going to be easy & could take years) She's not coming back, probably met an internet man. Bring a tape recorder (yes, it's legal in VA) and tape the conversation. If she agrees, meet her at a notary the next day & file those with the courts. You'll hear from the judge, probably before the court date, and/or the court clerk will tell you what you need to do once it is filed.

She doesn't care. Look at how many parents are fighting just to get a day or two at Xmas...she, simply leaves. Nice. Well, the child is old enough to know that he did at one time have another mother...perhaps one day they can have an adult relationship. Hopefully she'll have outgrown her playpen by then.

Good Luck & let us know how it goes! Oh, and look at the exhibition on this site. [url]http://www.othermother.com/[/url]

KAT

I don't know when conference call is supposed to be. Hubby was calling to find out details today. Yeah, I couldn't believe she asked for a continuance, we served her two weeks ago, and she is just now getting around to talking about getting a continuance, when the court date is 12/20?
Well, she has a man (only that he is above 18), and they have a child together, not married yet though. Though, there's speculation that that child is even his. Problem with Tape Recorder, she is in SC.

HAHa.. "hopefully she'll have outgrown her playpen by then." i just wish she would either stay in his life, in a productive way, or get the heck out. Everytime he sees her, he ignores her, smacks her, kicks and hits her. It's so sad to watch.

I will definetely keep you update.. Thank you so much!

For anyone interested....
We did go to court on 12/20. The Defendant did not show up. Judge issued a warrant for her arrest for her to pay the $350 for the paternity test, and get the $3000 bond as ordered. Since she lives in SC, and warrant was issued in VA, we aren't sure what is going to happen.
We did cancel visitation for December, while the warrant is outstanding because we didn't feel it was in our son's best interest to visit with her at this time in case the warrant gets served down there (we wouldn't want him in foster care while they notified us).
She has sent a few very nasty emails, and the $500 payment she sent bounced, which ruined our Christmas because of NSF fees and what not.
At this point, I feel very overwhelmed and dejected.
If she pays the $350 for the paternity test and pays the $300 for the bond; I gather she doesn't go to jail?? Is this true?
She hasn't caled to speak with her son, even to wish him a Merry Christmas, she hasn't emailed to see how he is doing..
Why can "biological" parents get away with this? How is this fair to the children of these lowlifes?????