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School Enrollment

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frustratedtxmom

Guest
What is the name of your state? TX

I'm hoping someone can help me with this. When my ex and I divorced - everything was very amicable. We had agreed to joint custody and we split the time with the kids 50/50. By my lawyers advice, I have "permanent residence status" and my ex gets to choose the school. At the time my son was in private school so it didn't really matter. However, this past year both my ex and I remarried (other people!) and now live about 30 minutes apart. He enrolled the kids at a school in his neighborhood. At the time I thought we'd carry on as usual - sharing info about the kids, attending functions, equally splitting drive time, etc. Then it all began to happen. The enrollment papers were sent home from school and he had put his new wife on the line where mom goes and put me as the 4th person to contact in an emergency. I corrected this with the school. But have since been told that it was illegal for him to do this. They haven't kept me informed of any school functions if they get notification first - saying that I need to go up to the school and find out on my own. Then when there was a school function that was on their night - they refused to take my son because I was going to be there. They said it makes her uncomfortable. My ex and I have not fought (until now) since we divorced. Now he won't even go to my son's soccer practices or games even though he works at the same soccer fields. He says he's respecting his wife. This has caused a lot of issues for my son - to the point I've got him in counseling.

What I want to do is have my kids enrolled at the school in my neighborhood next year - this way I can be actively involved in their school (he and his wife aren't involved at the school he's in now). My son wants me to volunteer and be room mom, etc. - until now I've always worked - now I can do it. Can I legally make him enroll him at a school in my district?

Sorry this is so long.
 


VeronicaGia

Senior Member
If the court order says he chooses the school, then he chooses the school. Also, what he does during his visitation time is his business. If he chooses not to go to a school function during his time, then he has that right, just like you have that right during your time.

You have every right to contact the school and ask them if they can send you notices of school events, or you can simply ask them weekly on the phone. He is under no obligation to tell you every single school function, unless the court order specifically says he has to. It would be nice if he did, but he's under no obligation.

So, in order to get any of this changed you will have to file for a modification of the order. If you don't and you change the childs school, your husband will rightfully file contempt charges against you.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Many schools now ALSO post events on their website. Ours does. Check it out. AND my daughter's teacher stays in touch with me by email for a number of reasons (daughter is SNs and there are some ongoing monitoring issues, such as ADD medication effectiveness and side effects and IEP updates). My girl's teacher has her email address posted on the STAFF portion of the website, so it was easy to obtain. I get regular email updates.

I have no "ex" issue (but my DH sure does), my grown son's dad is deceased, but I, too, still choose to NOT attend and maybe not have my daughter attend some school events. I may choose to do so because the day is too long, she'll be too tired or overstimulated, or it's time we choose to spend together. I do not feel obligated to go to everything her school plans.
 
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frustratedtxmom

Guest
Thank you for your responses.

I understand that he doesn't "have" to go if he doesn't want to. That wasn't the point. The point was that they told my son that he would get to go and participate - but when he told them I was going to be there they refused to take him. Causing him to feel like he had to choose who would be there - his mom or his step-mom (his dad works at night so he can't go, I understand that). In my opinion (and most people I've talked to and parenting websites) it is important that we ALL go and support the children and let the kids see that even through everything else we are all there for them.

On the point of the school - doesn't the fact that their home address is supposed to be my address play a part in what school they go to? He's talking about moving to another town in the same county - which means I'll have to drive an hour to drop them off at school. My lawyer told me at the time that doing it this way would prevent him from being able to do that.

I do (now) check the school website regularly and email the teacher. That's how I know when everything is going on now.

Please keep in mind - I think it is very important that the kids see their dad just as much as they see me. That's why I insisted on joint custody (against my lawyer's advice). I want my kids to love their stepmom and I tell them that regularly. I am remarried also and my kids love their stepdad. When they complain about something she's done that makes them angry - like punishing them, I tell them that it's her right. She is the adult taking care of them. Sometimes I tell them that I probably would have reacted the same way. But telling me that I CAN'T go to my sons choir concert because it's their night is not right. In fact - according to my son's counselor it is in direct violation of Texas State Legislature. I bend over backward to make things as easy as I can for everyone - I personally don't like confrontation and I know that it would only make things worse for the kids if I fight them on everything. Which is why I drive 10 hours a week to take the kids to school and soccer. He never picks up or drops off (which is also against the decree). So I am not just trying to make an issue here. I'm just trying to make things a little more fair for myself and my new family.
 
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Boxcarbill

Guest
frustratedtxmom said:
Thank you for your responses.

I understand that he doesn't "have" to go if he doesn't want to. That wasn't the point. The point was that they told my son that he would get to go and participate - but when he told them I was going to be there they refused to take him. Causing him to feel like he had to choose who would be there - his mom or his step-mom (his dad works at night so he can't go, I understand that). In my opinion (and most people I've talked to and parenting websites) it is important that we ALL go and support the children and let the kids see that even through everything else we are all there for them.

On the point of the school - doesn't the fact that their home address is supposed to be my address play a part in what school they go to? He's talking about moving to another town in the same county - which means I'll have to drive an hour to drop them off at school. My lawyer told me at the time that doing it this way would prevent him from being able to do that.

I do (now) check the school website regularly and email the teacher. That's how I know when everything is going on now.

Please keep in mind - I think it is very important that the kids see their dad just as much as they see me. That's why I insisted on joint custody (against my lawyer's advice). I want my kids to love their stepmom and I tell them that regularly. I am remarried also and my kids love their stepdad. When they complain about something she's done that makes them angry - like punishing them, I tell them that it's her right. She is the adult taking care of them. Sometimes I tell them that I probably would have reacted the same way. But telling me that I CAN'T go to my sons choir concert because it's their night is not right. In fact - according to my son's counselor it is in direct violation of Texas State Legislature. I bend over backward to make things as easy as I can for everyone - I personally don't like confrontation and I know that it would only make things worse for the kids if I fight them on everything. Which is why I drive 10 hours a week to take the kids to school and soccer. He never picks up or drops off (which is also against the decree). So I am not just trying to make an issue here. I'm just trying to make things a little more fair for myself and my new family.

I read all of this and I found it incredibly ignorant to place primary physical residence with one parent and give the other parent the exclusive right to make decisions concerning the child's education. That blunder was a guarantee for future modification. In just a whole lot of counties in the state of Texas, a public school district will not allow enrollment of a child who is not residing in their school district. And, no, a school district does not have to allow a child not living in their school district to go to that school because a parent's divorce decree gives one parent the right to make decisions regarding education and the other parent the primary residence.

The rest of what your are experiencing is par for the course when one or both parents remarry!
 

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
BCBill of course brings up an excellent point. It sounds like our poster will have to have the court order modified in order to be in compliance with it, and the judge/lawyers made a "blunder." While you are there, you need ask the court to enforce the part of the decree as to who picks up and drops off.

I agree that you two should be working together. Do you and his current wife get along? Would a scene ensued if you both attended this event? Another option, until the order is hopefully changed, is to not tell the child whether or not you will attend, just show up. There's nothing stopping you from doing that. You are correct, the child shouldn't be put in the middle.

Your final option is to simply have a conversation with the ex, nicely reminding him that joint custody means working together, and that a court order shouldn't have to be enforced, it should simply be a guide to doing the right thing. I don't know if that's an option, but it's an idea. If you two can't work together, then one person is going to have to go for the power here.
 

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