She's 17, wants to get married.

[FutureStarlocke]

...First the story...

She is 17, I am 21, we dated for a period of about 8 months before her parents stepped in and said they don't want her to be in a serious relationship. We all agreed that a period of 2 months apart would be "sufficient", and anytime I tried to contact her, they gave me legal threats in the form of restraining orders and harassment charges.

No, no charges were ever filed, but now they're going through some extreme measures to see that me and her never see each other ever again: Going so far as to change her home line and her cell number. They monitor her call logs on her cell phone, and regularly confiscate it to read her text messages. They have even gone on her Instant Messenger posing as her to "fish for information".

Before we start pointing the finger at suspicious activities, I've been nothing but great to her and her family. In the beginning things were a little complicated (age difference), but her family became comfortable with me. When it seemed as though she fell in true love with me, her parents began to react. They would make it seem like I'm stalking the girl, when it's the complete opposite: She calls me when she can, she IMs me when she can, and we go out to places... dinner, movies, to my parent's house together, whenever she can "get away from her parents" so to speak.

Anyway, I know she's young and I am old(er), but something we both want deeply is to be married. I love her, and even her influence caused me to find religion and learned even greater respect for our relationship. Her parents have gone so far as to tell me I'm not even welcome in the same church as she is.

Aside from a few personal opinions, including the very real possibility race is an issue, when I did confront them about their legal threats, they couldn't come up with a single answer about anything I've done wrong. They take the "I just don't think it's a good idea" stance.

...and now the question...

We are both located in the same county in Texas. I've done some research on the whole marriage thing and am familiar with the marriage license laws, however, there is one clause that fails to be defined on the internet: Texas Court Approval.

Exactly what criteria would we have to fit in order to apply for Texas Court Approval for marriage? It's obvious her parents aren't going to appear at the county clerk's office to fill out a consent form, and though we hate to go behind her folk's back, we know that there is no other way for the time being. Our problem is, her parents want to file false claims against me, she wants to be with me, and while she is of consenting age, she is not of legal age, and so, she is not able to marry me at the time being.

We both feel her parents have overreacted unfairly, in fact, they even accused me of hitting her. They began giving my cell phone private calls in the middle of the night, even calling the office I work at to make these accusations and it makes me sick. I've had to change my cell number in reaction to this, and have even gone to the doctor for distress (as has she).

She has been blacking out recently, and the doctors believed it was due to early signs of diabetes, but have since downgraded that to blood pressure issues. Any time her parents "discover" we're still talking, they don't look and see that she calls me as much, if not more than I call her... they give her the third degree, take her keys, cell phone, house phone and everything away from her, and yet she still finds a way to come be with me.

We want to get married for a few reasons: One, because we love and trust each other completely and beyond comparison to past relationships. Two, her parents are costing me and her emotional distress. Three, although this isn't a great reason, we both feel there is some racial discrimination fueling their motives. Four, with the tactics being used by the parents, we both fear legal matters to further complicate things between us.

Unlike a few other posts I've read on here, she's not a punk kid that "hates her folks". She's a band kid, national honor's society, SWAT leader (christian youth group), and is very much well behaved. Myself, high school grad, college grad (for Radio and Television Broadcasting), currently employed. She and I together (if she were to get a part time job) would be able to cover our own costs of living, and we are not under any influence of alcohol, drugs or tobacco. We do not engage in sexual intercourse. We honestly feel and believe that we are choosing marriage as a means for us to get on with our lives, because we provide the emotional support that we need for each other.

Any advice on how to get the Texas Court Approval? If we have to wait the year until she's 18, then we'll wait... we just fear the cost of waiting for both of us. I would not stand in the way of her continuing her education, and we both have no plans for children in the future. Though we feel mature enough in our decision, we know that we are not able to pack up and leave tonight and live easily for the rest of our lives... I would not place her in danger of that or any kind.

[Happy Trails]

Originally Posted by FutureStarlocke

...First the story...

She is 17, I am 21, we dated for a period of about 8 months before her parents stepped in and said they don't want her to be in a serious relationship. We all agreed that a period of 2 months apart would be "sufficient", and anytime I tried to contact her, they gave me legal threats in the form of restraining orders and harassment charges.

No, no charges were ever filed, but now they're going through some extreme measures to see that me and her never see each other ever again: Going so far as to change her home line and her cell number. They monitor her call logs on her cell phone, and regularly confiscate it to read her text messages. They have even gone on her Instant Messenger posing as her to "fish for information".

Before we start pointing the finger at suspicious activities, I've been nothing but great to her and her family. In the beginning things were a little complicated (age difference), but her family became comfortable with me. When it seemed as though she fell in true love with me, her parents began to react. They would make it seem like I'm stalking the girl, when it's the complete opposite: She calls me when she can, she IMs me when she can, and we go out to places... dinner, movies, to my parent's house together, whenever she can "get away from her parents" so to speak.

Anyway, I know she's young and I am old(er), but something we both want deeply is to be married. I love her, and even her influence caused me to find religion and learned even greater respect for our relationship. Her parents have gone so far as to tell me I'm not even welcome in the same church as she is.

Aside from a few personal opinions, including the very real possibility race is an issue, when I did confront them about their legal threats, they couldn't come up with a single answer about anything I've done wrong. They take the "I just don't think it's a good idea" stance.

...and now the question...

We are both located in the same county in Texas. I've done some research on the whole marriage thing and am familiar with the marriage license laws, however, there is one clause that fails to be defined on the internet: Texas Court Approval.

Exactly what criteria would we have to fit in order to apply for Texas Court Approval for marriage? It's obvious her parents aren't going to appear at the county clerk's office to fill out a consent form, and though we hate to go behind her folk's back, we know that there is no other way for the time being. Our problem is, her parents want to file false claims against me, she wants to be with me, and while she is of consenting age, she is not of legal age, and so, she is not able to marry me at the time being.

We both feel her parents have overreacted unfairly, in fact, they even accused me of hitting her. They began giving my cell phone private calls in the middle of the night, even calling the office I work at to make these accusations and it makes me sick. I've had to change my cell number in reaction to this, and have even gone to the doctor for distress (as has she).

She has been blacking out recently, and the doctors believed it was due to early signs of diabetes, but have since downgraded that to blood pressure issues. Any time her parents "discover" we're still talking, they don't look and see that she calls me as much, if not more than I call her... they give her the third degree, take her keys, cell phone, house phone and everything away from her, and yet she still finds a way to come be with me.

We want to get married for a few reasons: One, because we love and trust each other completely and beyond comparison to past relationships. Two, her parents are costing me and her emotional distress. Three, although this isn't a great reason, we both feel there is some racial discrimination fueling their motives. Four, with the tactics being used by the parents, we both fear legal matters to further complicate things between us.

Unlike a few other posts I've read on here, she's not a punk kid that "hates her folks". She's a band kid, national honor's society, SWAT leader (christian youth group), and is very much well behaved. Myself, high school grad, college grad (for Radio and Television Broadcasting), currently employed. She and I together (if she were to get a part time job) would be able to cover our own costs of living, and we are not under any influence of alcohol, drugs or tobacco. We do not engage in sexual intercourse. We honestly feel and believe that we are choosing marriage as a means for us to get on with our lives, because we provide the emotional support that we need for each other.

Any advice on how to get the Texas Court Approval? If we have to wait the year until she's 18, then we'll wait... we just fear the cost of waiting for both of us. I would not stand in the way of her continuing her education, and we both have no plans for children in the future. Though we feel mature enough in our decision, we know that we are not able to pack up and leave tonight and live easily for the rest of our lives... I would not place her in danger of that or any kind.

She has to be 18. Without her parents consenting it won't happen until then.

[withonel]

Legally you will have to wait until she is 18. She's already 17, so that is less than a year. If you two are as mature as you claim, that should be a snap.
You really should encourage her to stop contacting you until she is of age. If she is so involved in extra curricular activities she has an established support group to keep her occupied for these next few months. Let her explore her young life for the few months she has left before she becomes your wife. You will have a much better chance at a long lasting relationship.
Act your age, leave her alone, when she calls tell her you'll be thinking of her, are looking forward to being with her when she's 18, and end the conversation. Don't continue to disobey her parent's stated wishes, they are still the people responsible for her for now. Show your maturity by respecting them as adults and you'll stand a better chance of them accepting you again once she is of age.

[FutureStarlocke]

It's not a matter of gaining her parent's respect anymore... I've tried that with very bad results. I left out the details of the "other guy" because I felt it wasn't pertinant to what I wanted to accomplish, but even she is being put out by this guy.

He's 19, a friend of the family's (through Church), and after about a year and a half away from them, he came back and tried to put the moves on my girl. Nothing ever happened in that area, but she has since given him the talk about how she loves me and nothing's going to change that, and he goes out of his way to act as a snoop for her parents.

One night he sat down at her machine, posed as her and tried to stage a break up. He took her cell phone, house phone and all that, wouldn't allow her to answer any phone while I tried to call and contact *her* to see if she was okay. He would only "allow" her to say "Just come here" into the phone, and yeah, he pretty much gave every kind of physical threat and made obscene references to her.

She would tell me that he even raised his fist to her a couple of times that night.

That night she had a backpack and was ready to jump in my car and "run away", but fortunately, her grandparents came home (he did all this while they went to her mother's house to give baby stuff) before I got there, and the scene was de-escalated.

I told the grandparents about what happened, which he promptly denied, she tried to confirm but they told her "calm down, you're crazy". I told them "If you are such a bad judge of character that you'd keep me away from your granddaughter and keep HIM in your house, then it sounds to me like you got your priorities mixed up. She is AFRAID of him, and you just listen to him because he's the little golden boy in your eyes. You would do good to keep him away from you guys before he does something REALLY bad and all you can do is regret it."

This guy shows up not even to talk to her anymore... she has nothing to do with him and tries to leave whenever he is there. Instead he buddies up to the grandparents, takes money, gets fed, and generally just stays around pretending to be a "friend of the family".

Finally, she slapped him across his face in front of the whole family. Made all manner of declarations about how she doesn't want him in the house anymore and all that.

The parents don't trust this girl, their granddaughter, for nothing anymore. They have her go through her cell phone records and highlight incoming calls made from me. They want to order up a sheet for calls for her house line. They want to change her numbers, they "follow her to the mall" to make sure she goes where she says she's going.

And why? Just so she can't see me. Seriously, she's not doing anything else... she's not a druggie, she's not a thief, nothing of the sort: Her only "crime" is that she loves me... and she wants to be with me.

If the parents were to try and take me to court, she would pretty much say "No, he doesn't stalk me, he's not an ex boyfriend, and he has never hurt me in anyway that my grandparents are accusing him of. If you check the call logs, you'll see that I've made calls to him, I've come to visit him, gone to movies with him, and I never stopped loving him."

I guess if I had another question, what exactly could her folks do legally against me, and what honestly could they prove? They have every accusation in the world, but no evidence at all... mainly because aside from our contact, there is NO wrong doing!

We're pretty much resolved to the idea that we can't marry her at 17, but why can't I at least *see* or speak to her for the time being?

[Ema234]

I wish things were different as well. I'm 16 my boyfriend is 18, I live with my grandparents as well. I'm in sort of the same situation but not to that extreme where my grandparents follow me. They just don't let me go out. I have to wait but it's so hard and I'm so depressed. Even before I met my boyfriend they never really let me go out with my friends they have been so strict. I do sports, extracurricular activities, but I'm not happy. I'm living in a sort of jail. Isn't there some sort of neglect law? I know it sounds dumb. But is there anything about keeping the child from experiencing things? I doubt it... but I'm just not happy. I can't talk to them about it either, they don't understand, I've tried as well. I need a therapist but I'm unable to get one. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to do anything at all, I just want to be happy. They tell me they care about me and are just looking out for me, but it doesn't seem like they want me happy. (I even need a reason why I'm laughing at something online, or where I'm going... In the house!)

[djohnson]

It's funny now that I am an adult to look back to when I was that age and think this way. What's even funnier, is one day when ya'll grow up, your going to realize how dumb this is and what you think is. Let's just hope your laughing and not crying about it.

[Wolflmg]

No kidding. Teen's think they know everything and should be able to do everything, even things their really not ready for. And it wasn't too long ago that I was a teen, but I was one of those few that stayed away from the stuff I wasn't ready for.

But I do remember kids in my class doing this stuff, and the funny thing was, some of them were the one's you never suspected. And now I have two teenage siblings. One of them has already went down the path of trying and doing things their not ready for. And the sad part is they don't even realize how it effects the people that care about them.

Ema234, I'm sure your grandparents are doing what they only feel what's right for you. You should be lucky you have people that care about you, want to know where you are and what your doing ever minute of the day. Becasue there of some kids and teens that have nobody, looking out for them, nobody that cares. You may not think it now, but one day you'll be greatful for them.

[KSD53801]

Ok, I can't take sides here b/c i too was one of those teens that thought she was in love, etc. But I disagree with what the grandparents are doing to the OP's girlfriend. She is 17, and is capable of making some decisions of her own. For example, "to smoke or not to smoke", "to drink or not to drink'' or " to have sex or not to have sex". The best thing to do, is for both of you to obey the grandparents. It's not the end of the world. When she turns 18 she will be free to do what she wants, even if that includes marrying you. I would personally wait before I married her right away. Like I said, I was once the teen in love with the older guy, and I married him within a month of turning 18....then divorced less than 6 months later. Married life isn't all fun and games.
My advice...wait until she's 18. And when she is of an "adult" age then see where things go from there. Another approach I'd take is, respect the grandparents, even if they don't respect you. This is their granddaughter, and that's the one and the most important thing you have to respect.

Nothing matters your an adult and shes about to be 18. WAIT dont ever touch her till but im sorry its too late. A case in CA a man was convicted 13 years after the fact of child rape. Think man think.

[Love My Husband]

I was engaged at 17, and was much more mature and responsible than most my age due to not getting to be a child (being very ill, what was expected to be terminal while dealing with alcoholic parents does that), but am glad I didn't marry the guy. Know why?

No matter how mature and such one may be at 17, there is still much that will change. She will change drastically in the next few years. She is still in freaking high school!

If you two truly love each other, you will back off so charges aren't filed. Let her go for now before the courts make you and toss you in jail. If it's meant to be, you will still love each other when she's 18. If you find other people, it wasn't meant to be.

And you don't need to rush to get married. If you would last, you'll still be together five years from now, even unmarried. If you can't stay together married....

Neither of you is as grown up as you feel. Maybe compared to peers, but in the scheme of life, no.

No matter if you think she's old enough to make certain decisions or whatever, the law states 18. It was 21 once upon a time, and should go back to 21, imo. Can that 17-year-old support a baby if one is conceived? Etc..

The law is 18, so deal with it.

[stealth2]

Actually, it doesn't natter if your girl tells the court that she's in luuuuuuuuuuv with you and you're not stalking her. The simple fact is that you have been told to stay away from her. It is entirely likely that a judge would issue a restraining order against you. And if you violate it (and that includes her calling you and you talking to her), you could find yourself behind bars. It doesn't matter that they'd rather have her date some other guy and have him around. It doesn't matter that you've not been intimate. It doesn't matter that you're in luuuuuv. You are directly disobeying what her parents have decided. And that is going to get you in a heap of trouble if you're not careful.

[Zephyr]

this post is 4 months old

[Hopkins306]

Originally Posted by WANNACRY

this post is 4 months old

Someone has been digging through the old files agian. gosh, they're probably married by now.