Single Mom Doing It All On Her Own

What is the name of your state?

Kansas

I am 23 year old single mother of a 28 month old son, never married to the father, never had bills in the same name, never used his last name, and never lived together for more than 5 1/2 months at a time. When my son was born I put the father's last name as my son's thinking that everything was going to get better and that maybe we'd get married. April 2002 I legally changed son's last name to my own, hadn't heard from father since he had beat me up in February 2001. Saw and spoke with father of son in March of 2002 after filing petition for child's name change. He contacted me today wanting to see son and then got furious when I told him our son's name was changed.

He told me he'd file for an appeal.

Is that possible?

Also I want a way to keep him from ever taking my son from me how do i go about that and how do I go about getting child support.

He tells me that if I wanted to get child support there would be no way, not even for me to have his employment checks garnished now that he is a reverend and works for a church.

Paternity has never been established, although I am willing to have it done, knowing that he is the only possibility unless able to get pregnant and carry a child for 11 months with having planned cesarian section. Custody has never been legally established by a court. Child has never lived with father other than in a residence leased to me.

Should I allow this man who beat me up to see my son?

And do I have to?

[Grace_Adler]

Is there a police record about the abuse?

You can file for child support but if you do they will do a paternity test on him which will open up the door for him to file for visitation and custody. As far as him filing right now, his hands are tied until he hires an attorney to try and get a paternity test done.

He probably won't get sole custody if he files. I don't know if they will award joint or not. You can ask for visitation to be supervised based on the abuse. Same for custody. You can ask for sole based on the abuse. They may consider it hearsay (sp?) without proof though.

As for him having to pay child support, I seriously doubt he's going to be excluded and given any special provisions just because he's a reverand. I know about the seperation of church and state thing but he's still going to have to pay child support.

If you want to file you can go to the CSEA office and they will handle everything for you. You may have to pay a small filing fee of around $20 if you don't qualify for free help.

He can't petition to have the name changed until paternity is proven. Even then, I don't know if he has to have your permission or not.

Also at this time you do not have to let him take your son or visit with him until there is a court order. If you want to let him visit supervised, like in your parents home or friends, where there are witnesses then that would be one thing. That is, if you feel comfortable doing that.

I agree with Grace - I'm 25 and have a 4 year old daughter. You need to go to your local Child support enforcement and file for services, most of them will help with the paternity testing and setting up child support. He will have to file for visitation. Right now, you do not have to let him take your son, but I would advise that you send him a letter (certified w/ return reciept) telling him a visitation schedule you agree upon, for him to visit his son either in your presence, or that of a third party (someone you trust). This will help you later. No, he will not be excluded from paying support because he is employed by a church, and I can't believe a church would hire a "reverend" with his history!!!! Yes, you can be forgiven for past mistakes, but he obviously doesn't seem to be trying to right his wrongs! Best of luck to you.

Is the father's name on your childs birth certificate? That may make a difference. However, if he has never offered to support the child, I don't think any judge will allow him to change it back. Threaten him with the fact that if he attepts to change the child's name back, he will be acknowledging paternity and therefore liable for current and arreared child support, which WILL be garnished from his check. However, receiving child support from him also opens the door of having to allow him visitation. If I were you, I would avoid any legal embattlements with him. If he beat on you, I would be afraid to expose the child. You're better off without his money, no matter how desperate the situation.

Thank you all for your information. His name is on the birth certificate. And sure as hell i called the cops when he beat me up and stole my car. He has not attempted to do anything not even get in contact with us. I have been assured by his family that they do not want any part of taking my son away from me. So my ex would be fighting a losing battle without them. He in fact is a reverand, but has no employment to speak of. I filled out all the information for Child Support Enforcement when my son was only a month old. I have informed them everytime I found out that he had a new address or phone number, but I still hear nothing from them.

Still growing and going strong in Kansas.

[nailtech]

I can almost bet he's bluffing about appealing the case, he knows better too I bet...
The courts wont go for arrears because there’s never been a order in place..
With all the problems the churches have had lately, I bet they wont want to take this one on either.. He doesn't have a job now, and wont if any congregation gets wind of his ill doings... the very thing he's suppose to protect and instill.. "Family" "God"...

Don’t you just love it, some people get a little “God” in them and there invincible, the prisons are full of them...