stepmom being called mom

i reside in indiana-my ex husband is planning on getting married to his longtime friend and feels that our children who are 4 and 7 should be allowed to call her mom. i feel that this is disrespectful towards me and that the word mom is only deserved for me-he says i am selfish-i say the kids need to show respect toward me as their mom and call her by her name eventhough her kids call my ex dad since their dads are losers and are not involved. please help.

BOTH of you should stand back and let the children decide what they want to call the step-mom...Dad should not force them into calling her Mom if they aren't comfortable with that...and you should not make them feel guilty if they do wish to call her Mom...Rather than worry over a petty (what to call step-mom) you should be happy that your children love you, Dad, and step-mom and that all of you are looking out for your children's best interests...
I am married..I have a Mom whom I dearly love and I have 2-mother-in-laws-(due to husband's family divorce) I love both of them and also call them Mom as a sign of respect ...and my mother has no problem with that....guess it's just a sign of maturity...Don't let this become a control issue...there is nothing legally you can do to stop children from calling step-mom ..Mom.

[kat1963]

Deefran is right. Personally, I'd be tickled pink if my son felt secure enough with my ex's new spouse to call her Mom.....what the heck, thats just one more person to care about and love him right? Whats so wrong with that? Sometimes we have to force ourselves to put OUR feelings to the side. Don't let this be some sort of power struggle. They can't force the kids to call her Mom, they will when and if they want to. This doesn't take away anything from you, they know who their real mother is. Pick your battles wisely and in the best interest of the children, not yourself. Not to say it doesn't tweak the heart some, but you have to have the courage to over come these small things and not make such a battle out of them...save it for the bigger stuff or you aren't going to have enough steam for the long road ahead.
KAT..and anyway, by telling you this, they want you to get mad, why give them the pleasure?

[jeanine]

My stepson started calling me mom. He did it on his own. Actually started asking me if I was his mom yet. Once the BM got wind of that she killed it. Probably gave this poor kid a guilt-trip. Let your children call the stepmom whatever they feel comfortable doing. And I also call my mother-in-law mom and father-in-law dad. My parents don't get all bent out of shape.

Besides, I don't think children should be addressing adults by their first names. You talk about respect. When I was a child, I was taught to address my elders properly - not by their first names. Perhaps the children will come up with a cute name for Stepmom like Muffin or Mum or whatever they like. Either way I'd lighten up a little if I were you.