sticking to my belief

Thankyou all for your input on the stepmom being called mom thing, but I firmly believe that the word mom is deserved for the biological mother-who well deserves the title. His girlfriend has four kids of her own that have absent fathers. If she were in my shoes, she wouldn't appreciate it either. Stepmoms need to standback and give the bm credit that she deserves. I take good care of my children with my current husband, only to have the bf try and ruin the good values and beliefs I instill into them by believing that the mom word can be tossed around like a book. Those moms that have to deal with the stepmom need to stand their ground and let them know that mom is for one and only- step back!

OK, now you got my dander up. I was not going to reply to the original post, but here goes.

What kind of credit does the mother of my two kids deserve. She bore them in her womb for nine months. And?

Totally ignore them after they were born. Never once took our son to school or showed up at any events while we were together. Never made him lunch, did laundry, cleaned the house. Quit or was fired from more than a dozen jobs in 14 years, several for illegal drug use. Did I mention that she stopped taking her birth control pills without my knowledge with both children?

Then, when our daughter was six months old, she decides that she is not happy and she would be much happier with the armored car driver that picked up the money from her latest employer. Spends all her time with him and then wonders why she loses custody. Gets standard visitation. Blows off half of it in the first six months. Then cries because I move 150 miles away for employment and to be closer to family. Oh yeah, she quit her full-time, $30K a year job to work part time as a waitress two weeks after she is ordered to pay child support.

So my 8 yo asks my girlfriend, who has been with us for four years, if he can call her mom. Well, says we, you can call her anything that you feel comfortable with. The baby has been calling her mom almost since she could talk and calls biomom (name)mommy.

Biomom, of course, hits the roof. Puts in a declaration that we are teaching the kids to call GF mom.

Well, no. The titles Mom (and Dad) should go to the people who earn them. The people who are there to tuck you in, listen while you cry, clean you up after accidents, and even spend all of New Year's Eve giving a 2 yo baths because she is sick and vomiting every couple of hours.

You deserve it just because you got fat for nine months? Casting no aspersions on your parenting, I'm sure you are a great mom. But it's more than an act of biology.

Sorry for the vent.

[StarsMoon]

Yep.. I agree...

Basically just because a woman gave birth to the child doesn't make her a mother. Anyone can be a mom. The mother gives birth gets the title but you have to earn what the true meaning of a mother is.

[ccarter]

stylishmom,

I think all parties involved in step families need to realize it is hard on all, even the step mom. Not all stepmoms are evil just like not all bio moms are good. You seem to have a little jealousy and control issue.

Bottom line is what feels ok to the kids right? I mean that is what being a good parent is all about....the kids.

A real "Mom" is one who puts their child's feelings before their own

The selfishness and pettiness will only earn you heartache in the longrun.....when your children get older you won't have to worry about them calling you anything at all if you push this issue relentlessly.

Thank you all for your replys on my issue, but I have to make a point. I take good care of all my 3 children, 2 that are from ex-hus, I attend all of the Dr. appts, dentists, school functions, teacher conferences, etc, etc. Only to have the BF say he has other things to do or his mom needs him to do something for him, or he needs to sleep cause he got home to late, or stayed up lated with his GF kids. I make every effort to arrange appointments and etc for him to come-and it is just one excuse after the other. My son who is 7 has even asked him to come eat lunch with him at school(only 45min period) and he can't even make the 20min drive to do that, and half the school year is over!!You all talk about control, someone has to take control of the proper upbringing of the children, I surely can't depend on him. He has dropped the kids off at his exGF's house so he could go to works several times, and even showed up at my door unexpectedly to return the kids a week before he was suppose to in order to go help his exGF, or mom, or anyone else in his family. He doesn't even call his kids on their birthday. Now you tell my what kind of man he should be called. He definitely doesn't deserve the DAD title, or even the Father title. I have spoken with several therapists about this, for I am a nurse and have access to these resources. I do agree with some of you that that word is derserved by those who earn it. There are those moms and dads biological that don't give a damn about their kids, but I do. I have fought long and hard to keep them from being taken away by their BF so he wouldn't have to pay support to me, now I have to fight to keep him to keep his support payments up, and deal with the fact that he filed BANKRuptcy so he wouldn't have the responsibility to pay a measly 19K in debt when he grosses over 45K a year. Now you tell me what kind of parent that he represents. I deserve the title and any GF that he encounters in his bed can take a back seat and be called by her name only or another nickname.!!!

My ex and I share a 13 year old daughter. She has his bright blue eyes, his brown hair, and the crinkles on the corners of her eyes. She talks about him endlessly and how things will be when she grows up.

What does she call him?

Joe.

Reason? He's a deadbeat father. He has never paid a penny in child support-even though he and I have been apart since I was 2 months pregnant with her. He has never held our child and he has never seen her in person. He couldn't pick our daughter out of a line-up of two teenaged girls.

She calls my husband-her stepfather, Dad. She called him by his first name for about three years-we let her decide for herself what felt right regarding that. Then one night she walked up to her stepfather and asked "Dad, can I go to the football game?"

People give birth and become parents everyday. There are others who go into a music store and buy pianos for their homes. But saying that all "parents" should be called Mom or Dad because they are bio parents, is like saying that even the most tone deaf person should be called a musician because he owns a piano.

It doesn't work like that.

[tigger22472]

My bf and I got together within six months of my divorce from my ex in which we have 2 sons. My youngest boy who was six at the time used to say "i will never call him Dad and you can't make me." This would come out of no-where for I had NEVER suggested that he call him Dad. I would however point out that my bf had step-parents in which he called them mom and dad respectively. This went on for about a year with my son periodically saying this. My ex has nothing to do with our children I might point out and when he has had something to say it's all been either lies or things to make the boys feel sorry for him in one way or another. One night about a year ago my son came to me in tears asking me for my bf and I to get married(we do live together). He said he wanted him to be his dad. I pointed out what he'd said to me for one, and also that he had a dad. After much discussion he said he'd call my bf Dad and Bio-Dad, Daddy. I told him that it was up to him and my bf to decide about calling him Dad or not but that he should sleep on it before asking the next day. The following morning he still felt the same and when he asked my bf...his answer was yes he could but he wanted to know why. My son told him it was because he took responsibility for him and did things with and for him. That's all the answer he needed. When my son saw his dad several months later somehow it was brought up. His father told him NOT to call anyone else dad for HE was his dad. My son sees his bio-dad maybe twice a year and respects him in the fact he doesn't call my bf Dad in front of him but it's stopped nothing at home. Sorry I've rambled but I think my point is that if the child is comfortable with things then as adults we should understand. Both of my bf's bio-parents were very involved in his life as well as his step-parents and he came out a winner with 2 fathers and 2 mothers. We should all see a lesson in that.

[jlc614]

From your post..Now it's my turn.....It sounds to me like you are angry with your ex and his behavior and not the girlfriend. Be very careful with that...you want to make sure you address your anger to the right place. From the sounds of it you have every right to be upset with your ex but it doesn't sound like the "mom" subject is the problem. I have a son and will soon have a step-son.....and have encountered the "mom" and "dad" situation. You have to rememeber what makes a person a mom or dad......
it has very little to do with biology. A mom is someone who is there fora child and loves them and cares for them. Someone who wipes there nose when it runs and holds their hand when they have a bad dream.