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Still Married but Want to move with kids out of NY state?

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DonnaMarieHH

Junior Member
My husband and I are married and have 3 children together. We moved to NY for a business venture with eventually went backrupt and he has been unemployed since March of 2009. He recieved the full 99 weeks of unemployment in NY. His family suggested we move into his uncles 2 family house until we get on our feet however my husband had a falling out with them and they no longer speak to us. His uncle now charges us rent, we have to pay for all upkeep of the property (septic tank pumped, new washer and dryer plumper fixed bathtub facet) plus we pay for total electric bill for both units. His mother and father send cards and christmas gifts for kids but that is the extent of the "help or support" we get from his family. We do not have any other family support in NY. I have been asking him to move back to IL for years. I have my entire family and close knit friends that are willing to help. My friend has a basement apartment for us to live in RENT FREE. The schools are better for the kids (right now we are paying for catholic school cause the public school is actually dangerous). My mother is retired and can watch the kids for free if and when we find work. It seems logical but he wont do it. He says he will arrest me if I try to take the kids out of state. He says I am welcome to leave but I cannot take the kids with me - I won't leave my children. I have asked him to go ahead of us to IL and look for work to begin setting up a life first then we can move after he finds work. He won't go to IL alone to find work but he says we cannot move together until be have 20 grand for rent and deposit and living expenses. I feel like I am prisoned by his bad decisions. My question: How do I petition the court to allow me to move with my children to IL legally? Even if I am still married? Do I have to get a divorce first? By the way he is an attorney licensed in both IL and NY unable to find work.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
My husband and I are married and have 3 children together. We moved to NY for a business venture with eventually went backrupt and he has been unemployed since March of 2009. He recieved the full 99 weeks of unemployment in NY. His family suggested we move into his uncles 2 family house until we get on our feet however my husband had a falling out with them and they no longer speak to us. His uncle now charges us rent, we have to pay for all upkeep of the property (septic tank pumped, new washer and dryer plumper fixed bathtub facet) plus we pay for total electric bill for both units. His mother and father send cards and christmas gifts for kids but that is the extent of the "help or support" we get from his family. We do not have any other family support in NY. I have been asking him to move back to IL for years. I have my entire family and close knit friends that are willing to help. My friend has a basement apartment for us to live in RENT FREE. The schools are better for the kids (right now we are paying for catholic school cause the public school is actually dangerous). My mother is retired and can watch the kids for free if and when we find work. It seems logical but he wont do it. He says he will arrest me if I try to take the kids out of state. He says I am welcome to leave but I cannot take the kids with me - I won't leave my children. I have asked him to go ahead of us to IL and look for work to begin setting up a life first then we can move after he finds work. He won't go to IL alone to find work but he says we cannot move together until be have 20 grand for rent and deposit and living expenses. I feel like I am prisoned by his bad decisions. My question: How do I petition the court to allow me to move with my children to IL legally? Even if I am still married? Do I have to get a divorce first? By the way he is an attorney licensed in both IL and NY unable to find work.


You can leave with the children to IL. HOWEVER, he can file in NY for the children to be returned and for him to get custody. Have you found a job? How many hours are you working? How are you supporting yourself? What type of law does he practice? Has he considered going into sole practice?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
My husband and I are married and have 3 children together. We moved to NY for a business venture with eventually went backrupt and he has been unemployed since March of 2009. He recieved the full 99 weeks of unemployment in NY. His family suggested we move into his uncles 2 family house until we get on our feet however my husband had a falling out with them and they no longer speak to us. His uncle now charges us rent, we have to pay for all upkeep of the property (septic tank pumped, new washer and dryer plumper fixed bathtub facet) plus we pay for total electric bill for both units. His mother and father send cards and christmas gifts for kids but that is the extent of the "help or support" we get from his family. We do not have any other family support in NY. I have been asking him to move back to IL for years. I have my entire family and close knit friends that are willing to help. My friend has a basement apartment for us to live in RENT FREE. The schools are better for the kids (right now we are paying for catholic school cause the public school is actually dangerous). My mother is retired and can watch the kids for free if and when we find work. It seems logical but he wont do it. He says he will arrest me if I try to take the kids out of state. He says I am welcome to leave but I cannot take the kids with me - I won't leave my children. I have asked him to go ahead of us to IL and look for work to begin setting up a life first then we can move after he finds work. He won't go to IL alone to find work but he says we cannot move together until be have 20 grand for rent and deposit and living expenses. I feel like I am prisoned by his bad decisions. My question: How do I petition the court to allow me to move with my children to IL legally? Even if I am still married? Do I have to get a divorce first? By the way he is an attorney licensed in both IL and NY unable to find work.
He cannot have you arrested for returning to IL with the children. However, as OG stated he can rush to court in NY and ask a judge to order you to return the children to NY pending a court decision on custody. Since he is an attorney and could represent himself, he would be likely to do so. You need to go ahead and file for divorce and permission to relocate with the children to IL.
 

DonnaMarieHH

Junior Member
Thanks

I am working here in NY for 12 dollars an hour full time 40 hours a week. I am looking/sending resumes to IL while working here. He had a practice and partner before the real estate crash in 09 doing real estate closings. Now he does very few closings here and there (not many people are buying) and loan mods/bankruptcy as well. HE is helping a local business weekly and suppose to reveive an "in house counsel fee" for each week but has not gotten paid for 3 weeks. I know it's not his fault but I need a more stable environment for the kids with aunts uncles etc. He agrees that IL is the place he wants to eventually be - but he will not act and it's been a constant next month or by christmas promise that now has turned into over 3 years. My son is now 8 and we have the 2nd starting kindergarten. The 3rd child is 3years old which we pay a sitter for full time 6$ an hour to watch when he is not home. I know everyone is struggling and people are even living in motels so I should be thankful. I just feel the kids (and me) need to have my family to get us through this.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I am working here in NY for 12 dollars an hour full time 40 hours a week. I am looking/sending resumes to IL while working here. He had a practice and partner before the real estate crash in 09 doing real estate closings. Now he does very few closings here and there (not many people are buying) and loan mods/bankruptcy as well. HE is helping a local business weekly and suppose to reveive an "in house counsel fee" for each week but has not gotten paid for 3 weeks. I know it's not his fault but I need a more stable environment for the kids with aunts uncles etc. He agrees that IL is the place he wants to eventually be - but he will not act and it's been a constant next month or by christmas promise that now has turned into over 3 years. My son is now 8 and we have the 2nd starting kindergarten. The 3rd child is 3years old which we pay a sitter for full time 6$ an hour to watch when he is not home. I know everyone is struggling and people are even living in motels so I should be thankful. I just feel the kids (and me) need to have my family to get us through this.
Your family should be YOUR HUSBAND. Apparently you married him for money and riches -- that is not coming so you believe you need better. Got it. Moving on.
 

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