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  1. #1
    cmw
    cmw is offline Junior Member
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    Tough one. Boyfriend and Girlfriend breakup

    What is the name of your state? New York
    O.k. Here goes. Going with a women for 10 years. She moved into my house 8 years ago with her kids. We put an addition on the house. Her's and my name on the home equity loan and mortgage now. Then she finds out 5 years ago her name is not on the deed. Dope me puts her name on the deed... We are now in the process of breaking up. We are both professionals and I got transferred 3 hours from home. She is pissed as she wants to hang on to me forever but very dysfunctional relationship. To show me she changed the locks on the house, moved all my stuff into storage,took my guns to the police department.
    This has been my house for 15 years and my lawyer said it was illegal for her to do what she did. I have no arrests for anything and have tried to be amicable to end this. Prior relationships of hers ended the same way. My questions.

    1. is she entitled to half the house?
    2. was it illegal to do what she did?
    3. Am I liable to pay the mortage if I am locked out of my house and don't live there

    Any helo or suggestions would be most appreciated. Thanks for listening
  2. #2
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmw
    What is the name of your state? New York
    O.k. Here goes. Going with a women for 10 years. She moved into my house 8 years ago with her kids. We put an addition on the house. Her's and my name on the home equity loan and mortgage now. Then she finds out 5 years ago her name is not on the deed. Dope me puts her name on the deed... We are now in the process of breaking up. We are both professionals and I got transferred 3 hours from home. She is pissed as she wants to hang on to me forever but very dysfunctional relationship. To show me she changed the locks on the house, moved all my stuff into storage,took my guns to the police department.
    This has been my house for 15 years and my lawyer said it was illegal for her to do what she did. I have no arrests for anything and have tried to be amicable to end this. Prior relationships of hers ended the same way. My questions.

    1. is she entitled to half the house?
    from your post and the facts presented, yes.
    2. was it illegal to do what she did?
    not until you file a complaint.
    3. Am I liable to pay the mortage if I am locked out of my house and don't live there
    Of course you are.
    Any helo or suggestions would be most appreciated. Thanks for listening[/QUOTE]
  3. #3
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmw
    What is the name of your state? New York
    O.k. Here goes. Going with a women for 10 years. She moved into my house 8 years ago with her kids. We put an addition on the house. Her's and my name on the home equity loan and mortgage now. Then she finds out 5 years ago her name is not on the deed. Dope me puts her name on the deed... We are now in the process of breaking up. We are both professionals and I got transferred 3 hours from home. She is pissed as she wants to hang on to me forever but very dysfunctional relationship. To show me she changed the locks on the house, moved all my stuff into storage,took my guns to the police department.
    This has been my house for 15 years and my lawyer said it was illegal for her to do what she did. I have no arrests for anything and have tried to be amicable to end this. Prior relationships of hers ended the same way. My questions.

    1. is she entitled to half the house?
    2. was it illegal to do what she did?
    3. Am I liable to pay the mortage if I am locked out of my house and don't live there

    Any helo or suggestions would be most appreciated. Thanks for listening
    Well if she is on both deed and mortgage and has been contrubuting she is entitled to a share, not half but something porportionate to her contribution and since the addition would have increased the value of the home, she could be entitled to a significant portion. If you don't pay the mortgage, your house will go into forclosure and will affect your credit so you better make sure it is paid. YOu benefited by this arrangement and continued this for some time, you didn't have a problem with her being on the mortgage did you? Since you are now employed 3 hours away it is reasonable for you to move, did she give you access to your belongings, did you collect them? Are there any restraining orders?

    You can charge her rent if she remains in the house, you can file for petition, essentially you have become her landlord, but you will have to take legal action to remedy this situaiton, so I suggest you contact at least a real estate and family law attorney. Did you have children together? Did you act as a defacto parent to the children? Does she receive child support for the children?
  4. #4
    cmw
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    Quote Originally Posted by rmet4nzkx
    Well if she is on both deed and mortgage and has been contrubuting she is entitled to a share, not half but something porportionate to her contribution and since the addition would have increased the value of the home, she could be entitled to a significant portion.
    WE HAD A JOING CHECKING ACCOUNT TO PAY THE MORTGAGE BUT SHE NEVER CONTRIBUTED TO.

    did she give you access to your belongings, did you collect them? Are there any restraining orders?
    NO HE DID NOT. SHE MOVED THEM WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE,CHANGED THE LOCKS AND THEN TOLD ME SHE HAD MOVED EVERYTHING AND CHANGED THE LOCKS

    ? Did you act as a defacto parent to the children? Does she receive child support for the children?
    I RAISED HER KIDS. SHE IS DIVORCED. THEY LIVED IN MY HOUSE OVER 10 YEARS. SHE IS ANGRY AS I AM ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP. ONE BIG MESS. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY AND BE NICE BUT I HAVE A BIG POSITION JOB WISE AND CANNOT JEPORDIZE MY JOB BECAUSE SHE IS NUTTS
  5. #5
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmw
    I RAISED HER KIDS. SHE IS DIVORCED. THEY LIVED IN MY HOUSE OVER 10 YEARS. SHE IS ANGRY AS I AM ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP. ONE BIG MESS. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY AND BE NICE BUT I HAVE A BIG POSITION JOB WISE AND CANNOT JEPORDIZE MY JOB BECAUSE SHE IS NUTTS
    It is considered shouting to use all caps in your post and the site requests that you refrain from typing in all caps, it is also difficult to read.

    I understand that you are upset, however, I am not the one you are upset with now am I?
    I asked the questions I did because they will come into play as you try to resolve these issues including your role as a defacto parent. You seem to have gotten something out of this whole situation if you allowed them to move into your house, made an addition to your house, refinanced or got a second mortgage toether, put her on the deed, helped raise her children. You don't get to give and take as you choose and then throw everyone away, there are legal entitlements of which you were aware when you signed them, they don't go away because you are upset.
    What are your professions?
    Does she receive child support for her children?
    If you knew her other relationships ended this way, why did you get involved?
    Have you retained an attorney?
  6. #6
    cmw
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    Sorry about the caps. Both of us have big postions job wise. She was transferred away from home 3 years ago and I took care and raised her kids and she only came home on weekends. Her children are grown. I am not throwing them away. She had lots of emotional issues which i could not tolerate and the relationship was dead years ago but I stayed to raise the kids......they thought of me as their dad.
    Yes I consulted with an attorney. He said it was illegal doing what she did. There are no restraining orders. I am in law enforcement .
    I asked about how much she was entitled to on the house as she only went on the deed 6-7 years ago. I've owned the house for 15/ thanks
  7. #7
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    and you got your answer. so why are you asking again?

    Read the responses.
  8. #8
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmw
    Sorry about the caps. Both of us have big postions job wise. She was transferred away from home 3 years ago and I took care and raised her kids and she only came home on weekends. Her children are grown. I am not throwing them away. She had lots of emotional issues which i could not tolerate and the relationship was dead years ago but I stayed to raise the kids......they thought of me as their dad.
    Yes I consulted with an attorney. He said it was illegal doing what she did. There are no restraining orders. I am in law enforcement .
    I asked about how much she was entitled to on the house as she only went on the deed 6-7 years ago. I've owned the house for 15/ thanks
    I would suggest you consult both a real estate and family law attorney, you have diferent issues and possibly you will need a forensic accountant. You question cannot be answered here based upon a few selected facts.

    Like it or notyou will have to retian counsel and appropach this in an objective and legal fashon, not an emotional manner as you are currently doing. You did not say what her profession was, I asked becuase being in a profession related to your legal issues can work for or against you. For example, persons in healthcare or mental health professions often are discriminated against in divorces when their long time partners have mental illness or substance abuse problems about which they were unaware and making them public brings unwanted attention.

    You were together, blending your responsibilites and finances for 10 years, almost as long as you owned the house, and her contribution was during the time of the greater value. You say the children are grown but you never answered the question, did she receive child support for them? Are they all over 21? Changing the locks on a house she jointly owns when you moved away may be seen differently from her point of view, you are entitled to keys, but you are going to have to duke it out in court. Cut your losses, petition to partition and force a sale of the house and equitidly split your capital gains and reinvest in a new home where you live now, in the mean time get a court order for her to pay you market value rent until the home is sold or she vacates it unless one or the other wants to buy the other out. You helped rais the children, don't make them into pawns, it isn't their fualt that you too no longer get along. If you were their "parent" they will respect you based on your actions.
  9. #9
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    I disagree slightly with some of the advice that you have received on the house.

    You are two unrelated people who jointly own a property. You will not be going through a divorce nor will there be a property settlement as there would be in a divorce.

    Therefore, she gets half....plain and simple. One of you will have to buy the other out, or you will have to sell and split the proceeds. A court does not have the option of deciding that one or the other of you gets a greater share.

    Since you co-own the property she did not have the legal right to lock you out. However, that is not a crimnal issue its a civil one.

    Givng away your guns may be a criminal issue....or again it may be a civil one. Consult the police.

    Your mortgage company will hold both of you equally responsible to pay the mortgage. Therefore you better make sure its paid unless you want to seriously ding your credit.
  10. #10
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rmet4nzkx
    Well if she is on both deed and mortgage and has been contrubuting she is entitled to a share, not half but something porportionate to her contribution and since the addition would have increased the value of the home, she could be entitled to a significant portion. If you don't pay the mortgage, your house will go into forclosure and will affect your credit so you better make sure it is paid. YOu benefited by this arrangement and continued this for some time, you didn't have a problem with her being on the mortgage did you? Since you are now employed 3 hours away it is reasonable for you to move, did she give you access to your belongings, did you collect them? Are there any restraining orders?

    You can charge her rent if she remains in the house, you can file for petition, essentially you have become her landlord, but you will have to take legal action to remedy this situaiton, so I suggest you contact at least a real estate and family law attorney. Did you have children together? Did you act as a defacto parent to the children? Does she receive child support for the children?
    NO! He cannot charge her rent on a house SHE OWNS with him. She is on the deed which makes her an owner. This is just downright wrong. RMET! you know better than that. He can file for PARTITION to force a sale of the house. He is NOT her landlord. they are CO-OWNERS of the house. And she is entitled to a very significant portion -- HALF. Because they are joint owners. They may not have been but adding her to the deed changed the ownership of the house completely. it went from him to him and her. They are both entitled to 50% of the equity. She doesn't have to prove anything except that she is on the deed.
  11. #11
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ
    I disagree slightly with some of the advice that you have received on the house.

    You are two unrelated people who jointly own a property. You will not be going through a divorce nor will there be a property settlement as there would be in a divorce.

    Therefore, she gets half....plain and simple. One of you will have to buy the other out, or you will have to sell and split the proceeds. A court does not have the option of deciding that one or the other of you gets a greater share.

    Since you co-own the property she did not have the legal right to lock you out. However, that is not a crimnal issue its a civil one.

    Givng away your guns may be a criminal issue....or again it may be a civil one. Consult the police.

    Your mortgage company will hold both of you equally responsible to pay the mortgage. Therefore you better make sure its paid unless you want to seriously ding your credit.
    YES! This is what I was saying. However it could be considered conversion what she did. Because he is also a co-owner of the house.
  12. #12
    cmw
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    Just to try and simplify this. I have consulted with attorneys, both were I live now and in the area where she and I had a home. All attorneys advised me not to pay the mortgage. Last week she sent me alternate month mortgage coupons, which I returned. Now I am concerned about my credit, etc.

    She has indicated that she wants to keep the house...buy me out. I guess I don't understand how I can be expected to pay a mortgage on a home where the locks were changed without notice, she moved my belongings (including expensive antiques and glass) to a storage trailer, and has retained all property that we purchased together (probably $60-70,000 worth of antiques, furniture, etc). On one hand I would assume that she also would not want to wreck her credit, as she wants to get a mortgage on the home.

    To respond to earlier questions...yes, child support for all children, still gets some for youngest while she in in college. Children are not in the middle, I love them and we remain in contact. To respond to why...let's just say that when her 16 year old son killed himself 10 years ago...and I found him...there were promises made and I took care of them all as best I could. Our jobs have separated us for 4 out of the last 5 years and it simply took a toll.

    In summary...just not sure how to move forward. I have contacted her attorney and indicated that we need to resolve the home situation and possessions of mine (exclusively and joint) which remain in the home. In NY...my best first legal step ?? Thanks and sorry for earlier emotions.
  13. #13
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cmw
    Just to try and simplify this. I have consulted with attorneys, both were I live now and in the area where she and I had a home. All attorneys advised me not to pay the mortgage. Last week she sent me alternate month mortgage coupons, which I returned. Now I am concerned about my credit, etc.
    I think that the attorneys gave you bad advice....at least for now.

    She has indicated that she wants to keep the house...buy me out. I guess I don't understand how I can be expected to pay a mortgage on a home where the locks were changed without notice, she moved my belongings (including expensive antiques and glass) to a storage trailer, and has retained all property that we purchased together (probably $60-70,000 worth of antiques, furniture, etc). On one hand I would assume that she also would not want to wreck her credit, as she wants to get a mortgage on the home.
    Hopefully she won't want to wreck her credit either, however that isn't a chance I would be willing to take.

    To respond to earlier questions...yes, child support for all children, still gets some for youngest while she in in college. Children are not in the middle, I love them and we remain in contact. To respond to why...let's just say that when her 16 year old son killed himself 10 years ago...and I found him...there were promises made and I took care of them all as best I could. Our jobs have separated us for 4 out of the last 5 years and it simply took a toll.
    So you haven't actually lived in the house for 4 of the last 5 years? That complicates things a bit. Who has been making the mortgage payment up until now? You do realize that if you haven't lived in the house for 2 of the last 5 years that you are looking at capital gains taxes when she buys you out? This isn't a marital property settlement.

    In summary...just not sure how to move forward. I have contacted her attorney and indicated that we need to resolve the home situation and possessions of mine (exclusively and joint) which remain in the home. In NY...my best first legal step ?? Thanks and sorry for earlier emotions.
    You may have a problem regarding the items that are currently in the home. By your own admission you haven't lived there for 4 of the last 5 years. What evidence do you have to prove that anything inside the home is your property? You stated that she moved your belongings to a storage trailer and that anything still inside the home was purchased jointly.

    You probably need an attorney.
  14. #14
    cmw
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    Need to clarify the living arrangement. I was promoted out of town 14 months ago. I have paid at least every other mortgage payment, utilities bill, cable TV, etc....if anything, more than a 50/50 share of bills on my end.

    She was promoted 3 hours away and was gone from the home for 3 years. She came home weekends, and I raised her two children.

    I was just explaining the "why" of the break-up...sorry.
  15. #15
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    During the last 4-5 years you said she lived away for a time now you live away, who paid mortgage payments during those separations and how long have you been away now? If you were relocating away for new employment, why didn't you take your belongings, especially your guns if you are in law enforcement, then? Did you have agreements, express or otherwise, re her buying you out? If you had discussions re her buying you out, when did that happen and is there any documentation? Is there any claim of domestic violence, hense the removal of the guns from the house and changing of the locks? When you had her on the mortgage and not the deed, then she found out and only then you had her added to the deed, was this a turning point in your relationship? Here is an article and some relevant case law, Palimony in New York: Does It Exist? ...
    [url]http://mosessinger.com/articles/files/palimony_ny.pdf[/url]
    Thank you for being less emotional, it makes it easier to look at the issues.

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