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Uncontrolled behavior

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george201

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY
My wife has problem of uncontrolled behavior. When she becomes angry she is not controllable, she will force you to say sorry even if she is wrong. And if I do not surrender she will start shouting, crying very badly with no stop, and if I try to go out from apartment she will not let you go, she will run after you. Overall it is win-win situation for her, I have to surrender otherwise it becomes very bad. I have been witnessing this for 7-8 years of marriage. I have been compromising because of my daughter and because I know her importance in my life. But at times her behavior has been dangerous, overall I am very afraid of her, she gets physical. I have to be with her throughout weekend, I cannot go out for more than one hour, and when I go out she will keep on calling me to come back. I cannot meet my friends and go out them occasionally, she gets angry. She does not like drinking, so she does not let me drink even occasionally, and if I do she insults me very badly. At home, she is mostly rude with me and always complaining and even when I am trying her to keep her happy all the time. Her behavior with neighbors has been bad because I try to spend time with them once in a while which I cannot do anymore. She very often fights with people in public transport etc. This is my day to day life, it feels there is a sword hanging over me all the time. So far I am able to drag this but I want to take some pre-caution.
Recently her father was staying at my apartment, she started annoying me to prove me wrong in front of her father and in return to that he started insulting me, because of this I had vacated the apartment and asked her father to leave to avoid any clash but he is still staying there. I want to hold him responsible for anything in my apartment during his stay and in my absence. He is not allowing me to talk to her and my daughter, and even not let me know what he is doing. They have taken all money from our joint account.
Now I am worried of her and my daughter. Her behavior is very uncontrolled and I do not know what she can do. I do not want to leave her and my daughter and know her importance in my life, and still hope I can live happily with her if she improves a bit and show mature behavior.
I want to take precaution for myself and for her too. What shall I do? Some friend asked me to consult some behavior therapist. Please suggest.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Legally you should return to your home with your family. Take your daughter and file for divorce from you wife. Ask for full custody of the child. Her father has NO RIGHT to prevent you from being in YOUR home.
 

george201

Junior Member
Legally you should return to your home with your family. Take your daughter and file for divorce from you wife. Ask for full custody of the child. Her father has NO RIGHT to prevent you from being in YOUR home.
See I want to avoid any legal things, I just want to take precaution for myself and get some cure for this.
 

george201

Junior Member
"Legal things" are really the only way.
Since you don't want to do that, YOU should get some counseling, ASAP.
What kind of counseling and most important how to convince her to go for counseling. Also at times I feel very scared of her behavior. What is restraining order, can it be used in my case, how does it work?
I just wanted to report this somewhere so that in case something happens tomorrow, I have some case to defend.
 

cyjeff

Senior Member
What kind of counseling and most important how to convince her to go for counseling. Also at times I feel very scared of her behavior. What is restraining order, can it be used in my case, how does it work?
I just wanted to report this somewhere so that in case something happens tomorrow, I have some case to defend.
A restraining order would be a legal thing.

Listen... really.

Get a divorce. She won't like it but, at the end of the day, you will get your life back.
 

FarmerJ

Senior Member
George her behaviour is not un controlled it is just the opposite, she learn to act the way she does somewhere ( like when she grew up - her fathers behaviours ) and it is all about her wanting control. When you get the chance to on breaks or when ever you can do it arrange to consult with a atty. You need to learn about your states divorce and child custody laws & getting custody of your daughter . You also need to arrange for counseling for your self and daughter. Father in law has got to go too. BTW even with your wife going to counseling there is a possiblity that her toxic behaviour will not change and even stronger odds that your daughter will learn that moms and your behaviour is normal. As you know it is not.
 

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