unmarried mother wants to leave state with daughter

What is the name of your state? Rhode Island
I tried looking for previous answers...anyways..

My daughters father and I are not married, we have lived together 4 years, she is three 3. I want to move to another state for a fresh start. We are splitting up. We have not written order or anything in writing for that matter. Can I leave with her or can he stop me?

Thanks
Amy

Can I leave with her or can he stop me?

The answer to both questions is YES.

You have every right to move where you want. HOWEVER, since it takes up to six months to establish residency, IF your soon-to-be ex decides to fight the move he will file where you are not living and you will be force to return to answer any summons.

Also, if paternity has not been established, it better be before this goes to court.

It's better at this point to move out but stay in the same jurisdiction, file for custody, support and allow visitation and see what happens. Otherwise, you will either have to wait until you are a legal resident of the location where you are moving, or be ready to return from whence you came.

so if I leave and establish residency somewhere he can't touch me? I just don't know why I can't do it since we are not married and we have absolutley nothing in writing.

I'm afraid if I stay he'll want to take my baby and fight me to death on this. She's my life and I would do anything for her. We have been together for 4 years and we just don't get along anymore. He has two other children that he doesn't even have custody of plus he doesn't pay his child support for the 16 yr old.

I'm only 29 and I want to start a new life.

so if I leave and establish residency somewhere he can't touch me? I just don't know why I can't do it since we are not married and we have absolutley nothing in writing.

As I said before, if you just leave and he files BEFORE you have established residency, then you will have to return to the county of jurisdiction.

Also, he can't 'touch you' now, forget about later. HOWEVER, there is a child involved and if he is the father, then he has as much right to be in the child's life as you do.

If you are leaving to hide the child from it's father, to frustrate any rights to visitation he may have, then you will face jail time at the worse, and loss of custody is a possibility.

As I said before, get a paternity test, then move from that point. It doesn't matter anymore what YOU or HE wants. There is a child involved now and the child has rights to both parents.

[nextwife]

Did he sign the Acknowledgment of Paternity?

And please do remember that this child IS the child of BOTH of you- whether you have "something in writing" or not. Being unmarried does not mean he has no right to also parent his child. It is unfair to a child to deny them access to their father.

i'm not trying to deny him anything. it just won't work both of us being in the same area. he'll try and take my daughter from me.

he is on the birth cert. but other than that. that's it. we have no custody agreement nothing

[stealth2]

So say you move from Rhode Island to..... most any other state. It will be a minimum of 3 months (some places 6 months or a year) before you are considered a legal resident and can file any sort of legal papers. During that 3 months, Dad decides that he wants custody of kiddo - and he files in RI. You are sunk. You will have to return to RI for any court hearings, and if the findings are against you - you will have to return to RI to live if you want to retain custody. Is that a chance you want to take? Doesn't it make more sense to sort out the legalities first? (the answer to that question is yes, btw.)

How will moving prevent him from trying to file for custody? Or are you just trying to make it harder for him because (if you do get residency and file first) he would have to travel to do it? And you are trying to deny him something. You are trying to deny him the opportunity to be an active and involved part of HIS (because you keep saying "my" when you should be saying "our") child's life. By doing this, you are also denying your daughter the right to her father. How would you like it if he got custody and then moved out of state so that he could have a "fresh start" and not bother with you?

How do you even know that he would pursue custody? Have you talked about it? Maybe he would be satisfied with liberal visitation. Besides, you do realize that even if you retain custody and you are allowed to move out of state, the father will most likely be granted visitation, right? Or are you hoping that the distance will make him give up on that? As the child gets older, this will require her missing out some holiday and summer fun in her home area with her friends. "Sorry Susie, you can't join summer soccer like all of your friends because you have to go spend six weeks somewhere else. Hopefully, you'll make new friends there that you will only see twice a year." She will also have to be burdened with travelling several times a year, most likely alone, for possibly long plane rides. Let's not even talk about the cost of travel. Eventually, she will probably not want to go because it cramps her social life too much to visit a man she hardly knows. Then you'll be back on here trying to figure out how to deny visitation anyway, so let's not beat around the bush, shall we? Are you hoping that the ultimate result of your actions will be that you get CS without having to be inconvenienced by the father actually being a father?

Maybe you guys could try to work out an arrangement where the child could have access to both parents without any emotional turmoil. This would require putting aside any selfish feelings and working together to put the child first. After all, the child has a right and a need to have both parents in their lives.

[nextwife]

WOW! Good post, theother.

I find it interesting that bm states " it just won't work both of us being in the same area. he'll try and take my daughter from me" when what SHE intends to do is take his daughter from him (isn't that the same thing in reverse?). In the meantime it is she that wants to move the child away from the OP, not him.

AS much as she keeps denying there is anything giving him any parental rights, betcha she will expect bd to have the "right" to pay CS once she's living out-of-state and he can't easily spend time with his child.