Unmarried and unsure of father

coolcookie · #1 10-09-2003, 10:57 PM

What is the name of your state? Nevada

Ok, here is my dilemma. I am unmarried, living with someone for 2 years and I am now pregnant. I want to leave him - I have for a while, but he won't go. I had plans to move out of state when I could afford it (about 18 months). He won't let me go and says he will fight for custody and keep me here. My other 2 children (13 and 11) say if we stay here that they will go live with their dad in WV (he has no custody rights, but I am sure he would fight if he knew they wanted to go). My boyfriend is sure he is the father, but I am not 100% sure. I was also seeing someone else at the time of conception. The other guy says he can't be the father because of medical problems. My question is, what exactly can he do to stop me and what can I do to prevent it from happening? My fault and I am paying dearly for it. Chaulk it up to being stupid. Any advice?

nextwife · #2 10-09-2003, 11:06 PM

At this point, no baby has been born, thus he has NO legal rights. You may take your children and move wherever you wish. Do it before the baby is born, as an unmarried father of an unborn child cannot be extended parental rights by the courts. So, this is a good time to go.

After birth, he has a right to demand a DNA test and file for visitation or custody or joint custody IF the test is positive. After birth, he will also have the right (once paternity is established) to file to limit move-aways out of the local jurisdiction.

#3 10-13-2003, 01:21 PM

run away! run away! Go now. I agree wholeheartedly with nextwife. The only thing you may have to worry about later is him finding you and then asking for a paternity test.

coolcookie · #4 10-13-2003, 09:06 PM

Unfortunately that isn't an option. I own a house and don't have enough money, plus would lose benefits from my job. I am tempted not to let him sign the birth certificate because as I understand it, without his signature, he has no rights until a paternity test. He doesn't doubt at all the baby is his - he doesn't know about the other guy. I appreciate everything, but I am between a rock and a hard place. Does anyone know how far I can go? I live in Clark County but the custody papers from my other two children say I just can't leave the state without the fathers permission (not a problem with him). Would I be limited to Clark County or anywhere in the state of Nevada?

stealth2 · #5 10-14-2003, 07:56 AM

I'm totally confused. On the one hand, you say taking off isn't an option. In the next breath you're asking if you can take off as long as you remain in NV. Which is it?

Until the child is born and paternity is established, your b/f can't do anything about your moving. You could also look into evicting him from your home. You'd have to follow legal procedures to do so, but that's an option.

Now the part you likely don't want to hear. You need to get your act together. You have two children from one father. You don't say whether the two of you were married or not, but regardless - that relationship didn't work out. You now have brought another man into your children's lives, having him live with you for 2 years. You're also pregnant - but not sure by whom. What the hell kind of choices are you making? What example are you setting for those kids of yours? You really need to sit down and think about what you're doing - not only with your life, but with the lives of your kids. Quit f*cking around (literally and figuratively) and get your life on track or you'll see your choices replayed by your kids.

coolcookie · #6 10-14-2003, 09:24 AM

I was married for 10 years, divorced for 5 now. I was planning to move in the next year or so, but I need the benefits. I told you I am paying every day for this. I didn't ask for it, was on Depo for 10 years and WHAM! I can transfer my job to Lake Tahoe or Reno so that is why I am asking how far I can go. My kids know my bf and I don't get along - we haven't spoken in 4 days now. All I need to know is how far can I go and whether or not he will be on the birth certificate if he admits paternity without a test.

stealth2 · #7 10-14-2003, 09:40 AM

Until the child is born, you can move anywhere your current children's father doesn't contest. He could contest your moving his children from one end of the state to the other. Once the child you're carrying is born, your b/f can claim paternity whether he is on the b/c or not, and request that you not be allowed to remove the child from an x-mile radius. It is not impossible that a judge would order you to remain in the area until paternity is established.

Quite frankly - I don't really give a flying f*ck whether you're paying for your actions or not. I care about the example you're presenting to your kids. Because they are the ones who are ultimately paying.

#8 10-16-2003, 01:55 AM

As long as the father of your children doesn't have a problem with you going to Lake Tahoe or Reno to live, then if I were you I'd pack my bags and go now because once the baby is born, you boyfriend can prevent you moving out of the state. He can't stop you from going anywhere on the planet you want to go right now, but once the baby is born, that's a whole different ballgame!

nextwife · #9 10-16-2003, 09:23 AM

If you own a house, borrow against your equity if you must, get the house on the market at a good price that will cause it to sell quickly so it doesn't sit empty and GO! Or don't - and expect that you may be stuck staying there. I do not know how much you can be restricted once paternity is established- talk to a local family lawattorney.

You do NOT want to set the example for your kids that one stays in a bad relationship because it is convienent or economically beneficial. You want them to see that you are proactive and work to find a way to look out for your and their best interests. And living in a bad situation and bad relationship that has no future is not a good example. You want them to be willing to stand on their own and walk away from any relationship that is NOT supportive- hopefully without bringing kids into the mix.

coolcookie · #10 10-16-2003, 09:26 AM

Thanks for the advice. That is what I am going to do. I have already contacted mortgage brokers to find out what I can qualify for when I go and the house is going up for sale next month. I still have about 6 months so should be plenty of time to settle back down. Thanks everyone for your help.

Unmarried and unsure of father

well..

Thanks for the advice- one more ??