Visiting Step-Parent in prison

What is the name of your state? I live in California.

I have custody of my small child, and I have married a man in prison.

The biological father has joint legal custody of our child. I am wondering if he has the right; in court, to deny our childs visiting her step-father in the prison system?

Thank you for your quick response.

I am concerned with the fact of my ex gaining knowledge of my relationship with my husband because I have always been told that he has the right to say that she cannot visit at the prison, and possibly stop me from taking her to see her step father due to him having joint legal custody.

Can this issue be brought up in a court room for the judge to decide anything? Is there any possibility that he could take her away from me for this reason? Would me being married to man in prison bring up the issue of me being an un-fit mother play any role in anything?

[stealth2]

I did read IAAL's responses before they were deleted, and I realize it's not a legal issue. But I have to ask - how old is this child? How well does she know your husband? Why do you think it's necessary to take her to the prison with you? It certainly raises my eyebrows, and she's not even my kid. I can't say I think your ex is wrong for being upset about it.

My ex has no knowledge of this situation. I was asking because I wanted to make sure if he were to find out was there anything he could do about it.

My husband has been involved with my daughter since she was 6 months old. She is now 4 years old. So, pretty much all her life she has known him. Mostly it was on the phone until over a year ago. But she still knew of him that whole time.

Since he is comming home in a few years, I take her with me so she and he can have a relationship. He is her stepfather, and they should at least know eachother before he comes home and is here all the time and she has no knowledge of him at all.

When it comes time for her bio-logical father to visit her/pick her up for the weekends, she doesn't want to go with him, she would rather stay with my husband. She doesnt want to go with her father at all and fights us when it is time for her to go.

[stephenk]

Does your ex even know you are married and that your hubby is in prison? Dont you think your daughter will tell him that she went to prison to see mommy's husband?

The longer you sneak around the harder the fall when it all comes out in the open. The fact that you are sneaking around and making an effort not to tell your ex about the visits says much about how you really feel about the visits. You know that prison is not a place for a 4 year old to see someone she only physically met a year ago and is not related to her in any way. He is not her dad. he is your husband.

My daughter does not know my husband is in prison.

I haven't tried sneaking around my ex, I actually tried to tell him on 4 different occassions. All 4 times, he said it is my personal life and he doesn't want to know about it. I told him that it affected her and he said he trusted me, and knew that I was a good mom, and that I wouldn't put her in a situation that she would get hurt in.

I honestly think he already knows, espically that I am married. I know he is not an idiot, why else would I be in a certain area on certain times, without my phone? I am pretty sure he knows and just doesn't want to pry into my private life regardless of it affecting our daughter or not.

I do hold our visits in very high regard. My husband and I have been talking about telling him, but were afraid of the ex being able to do something that would affect the relationship with my daughter and husband. That is something that neither of us would be very happy with. Now that I know that he can do nothing about it, I will probably try talking to him again about it.

Thank you all for your responses and questions.

[stealth2]

Originally posted by pirateswife0530
My daughter does not know my husband is in prison.

Well, where does she think she is when you take her to visit him? The zoo? It's only a matter of (a very short) time before she works it out. I'm sorry, but the whole thing seems completely inappropriate. Leave her with grandparents or a baby sitter when you go see him. It really isn't a place for a child.

We haven't told her anything about where he is. We will explain it to her when she asks.

If I had a babysitter or relative that lievs closer than 2 hours away I would definately leave her there.

Right now, she enjoys seeing him, and vice versa.

My ex I am sure has an idea that I am married, and I have tried to tell him on 4 different occasions. He says it is my personal life and he doesn't need to know anything about it. I told him it affected her, and he said he trusted me.

I agree that it really isn't a place for a child, but at the same time, the whole purpose for having the visits is to maintain or begin a family relationship. We are a family now, and that is what we are working on is a family relationship.

Thanks for your response.

[stephenk]

"I haven't tried sneaking around my ex, I actually tried to tell him on 4 different occassions. All 4 times, he said it is my personal life and he doesn't want to know about it. I told him that it affected her and he said he trusted me, and knew that I was a good mom, and that I wouldn't put her in a situation that she would get hurt in"



what prevents you from just saying "Joe is in prison and I take our daughter to visit him. Do you have a problem with me taking her to the prison?"?

Maybe on those weekends you go visit your hubby, your ex can watch the kid.

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

"My ex I am sure has an idea that I am married, and I have tried to tell him on 4 different occasions."

====================================

My response:

I just love that one!

"Hey Joe, I just wanted to tell you I'm mar . . . . marvelous!"

Damn! I just couldn't get it out of my mouth!


IAAL