Visits when distance between parents is huge

[coolmomof4]

YOUR STATE NAME - GA but NC has juristiction

Does anyone out there have a situation where the child lives a far distance from one parent? What is a typical visit arrangement? Schedule, frequency of visits? The child is in elementary school. Any advice would be most appreciated...

[usmcfamily]

Hi, thought I would chime in here.
My daughter is 6 and will be starting the 1st grad in July so I can relate in regards to school aged children -- and we are a bi-coastal family -- her NCP is in Idaho and we live in NC so I think we can understand the distance thing as well....lol
What is "standard" really isn't a question that can be answered because the actual schedule is based on so many variables ....for instance WHO moved and created the distance will greatly influence who is responsible for the cost/travel involved in facilitating visitation (ie if CP moves they will likely have to share/bear the expense/effort BUT if it is the NCP who moves then the CP is not likely to be held responsible for any increased expense/travel)**************however this is not a "rule" as there are always exceptions to this arrangement.
I will tell you what our arrangement is BUT please keep in mind that this is an amicable relationship we all share and we came to this arrangement between ourselves rather than relying on the court to decide what was fair or right.
When we were transferred to NC we agreed with Katy's father that we would change the timing of visits to fit the distance -- instead of one weekend a month we allow him to accrue time so that he gets longer visits less frequently (right now they average 1-2 weeks every 3 months). We have also enrolled her in a year round school so that she has 4 3 week breaks spread out throughout the year rather than one 12 week summer break -- this allows for more visits during the year without missing school (school is a BIG consideration to the courts and they are unlikely to issue an order such that the child would miss excessive days of school).
Holidays - we specifically addressed only Thanksgiving and Christmas as those are the only ones that hold "special" family meaning to either of us so those are the two we are concerned with (we don't feel like nitpicking over memorial day, 4th of july -- all the ones that I have seen people come up with to try and gripe about in court......jmo). Our arrangement is an alternating one whereas each parent has either Thanksgiving OR Christmas each year and it rotates by the year so that neither parent monopolizes a holiday.
Expenses: Right now with our daughter's age she is able to fly as an unnaccompanied minor BUT the trick being there are eligible flights for her only going TO her dad's so someone has to escort her back FROM there..(she cannot make connecting flights for another 2 years)**************we (the CP's) share the expense for this extra person either by paying 1/2 to all (varies based on everyone's $$ situation at the time of the visit) of the fare or by purchasing one of us a ticket to fly out and bring her home. When she reaches the age that an escort for connecting flights is no longer needed we will simply split the cost of her airfare. Furthermore when the NCP comes here to visit her (less expensive as it eliminates having to buy two tickets to fly her back and forth) he stays in our home as we have all really become one happy family (very disfunctional but happy - for the most part anyway). This eliminates the expense of hotels and meals and keeps his cost down (plus with us being on a military base it makes transportation easier as we would have to escort him on and off base every time he went everywhere from the hotel out in town). This next visit he is bringing his fiancee as well so that they can celebrate our daughter's b-day with her.

I know that our arrangement is far from the "norm" in the overall friendliness of it all but some things - ie longer less frequent visits, expense sharing, etc - will be found in most orders but the specifics of them will vary

[miaguy]

I used to leave in Chicago and my son in Puerto Rico. At age 5, he flew from P.R. to Chicago by himself!! The flight attendants babysat him through the 5 hour flight and I had to show ID when he arrived so I could take him from their custody. But heck, when he recognized me and got all exited, that was ID enough. Now he is 17, he still commutes between us but the flight is only 1 hour. I still pay for air fare after all these years. Amazing!!

P.S. In my situation, he only visited in the summer and alternate christmas.