What are legal options other than guardianship?

[akgildea]

Virginia (Fairfax county)

Separating from domestic partner of 15 years. We have a child together (I am the birth mother) and she wants some legal standing in his life. I do not object to that in principal, and for many/most fundamental things (medical attn, right to sign off on report cards, etc) I am willing to go the route of some legal order to give her some official standing; right now in VA, she has none whatever.

However, I understand that if I agree to legal guardianship or even a joint custodial order, that effectively elevates her to full parent status. I do not wish to do this b/c of crazy family members on her side (if she were to die I could be doing battle with them over custody of my son), and also because of her own proven track record (years) of disengagement, mental illness, occasional incapacitation. I don't fear for the health or well-being of my son while in her care -- for the most part. But I don't feel comfortable with losing my 51% stake in reasoned decision-making on his behalf either.

Are there some legal vehicles/contracts which will provide some degree of authority for her, as the 'third party with a legitimate interest?' Agreements we could engage that will protect her as someone substantive in his life, but not relinquish my rights as the birth mother?

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by akgildea

Virginia (Fairfax county)

Separating from domestic partner of 15 years. We have a child together (I am the birth mother) and she wants some legal standing in his life. I do not object to that in principal, and for many/most fundamental things (medical attn, right to sign off on report cards, etc) I am willing to go the route of some legal order to give her some official standing; right now in VA, she has none whatever.

However, I understand that if I agree to legal guardianship or even a joint custodial order, that effectively elevates her to full parent status. I do not wish to do this b/c of crazy family members on her side (if she were to die I could be doing battle with them over custody of my son), and also because of her own proven track record (years) of disengagement, mental illness, occasional incapacitation. I don't fear for the health or well-being of my son while in her care -- for the most part. But I don't feel comfortable with losing my 51% stake in reasoned decision-making on his behalf either.

Are there some legal vehicles/contracts which will provide some degree of authority for her, as the 'third party with a legitimate interest?' Agreements we could engage that will protect her as someone substantive in his life, but not relinquish my rights as the birth mother?

Let me just make sure I understand what you are asking -- she was good enough to be a mother when you two were together but now she is not and you want control completely and dictate to her so that you have a greater stake in the child than her? 51% ownership shall we say?