what are my rights as a wife

[stuckinwoods]

What is the name of your state? wisconsin

married 10+ years. husband emotionally abusive & controlling. his mom takes care of all his money. i get an allowance. he has it set up if anything were to happen to him, i'd have nothing. i try talking to him, he won't change anything. i want to be treated like his wife, not a child or a mistress. what can i do? what are my rights as his wife. he makes 96,000 a yr. has 3 properties w/homes. i have NO clue where his money goes or how much he has. no one believes i put up w/this. i have no money - i get only enough for food, gas and RXs. he also refuses to pay bills in my name which he encouraged me to make.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by stuckinwoods

What is the name of your state? wisconsin

married 10+ years. husband emotionally abusive & controlling. his mom takes care of all his money. i get an allowance. he has it set up if anything were to happen to him, i'd have nothing. i try talking to him, he won't change anything. i want to be treated like his wife, not a child or a mistress. what can i do? what are my rights as his wife. he makes 96,000 a yr. has 3 properties w/homes. i have NO clue where his money goes or how much he has. no one believes i put up w/this. i have no money - i get only enough for food, gas and RXs. he also refuses to pay bills in my name which he encouraged me to make.

You two can form pretty much any relationship you choose. If this is what you choose to tolerate, that's your life. I don't believe "rights" has anything to do with it.

If you want to get divorced and make it on your own, you can do that, too.

[stuckinwoods]

If you want to get divorced and make it on your own, you can do that, too.[/quote]

that's easy for someone else to say. i'm 59 and disabled and cannot work to take care of myself. i've talked to an attorney and they can't even guarentee i'd get support. i was homeless once, years ago, and i don't want that to happen again, so i choose to stay in an unhappy marriage -- not because i want to but because i see no other way. don't always assume it's easy to move on. believe me, if i could i would in a heart beat.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by stuckinwoods

that's easy for someone else to say. i'm 59 and disabled and cannot work to take care of myself. i've talked to an attorney and they can't even guarentee i'd get support. i was homeless once, years ago, and i don't want that to happen again, so i choose to stay in an unhappy marriage -- not because i want to but because i see no other way. don't always assume it's easy to move on. believe me, if i could i would in a heart beat.

I'm sorry you feel that way. What about trying a consult with a different attorney?

I encourage you to begin with baby steps. You have access to a computer and can type, right? Maybe you could do some at-home work utilizing your typing skills.

I wish you well. I'm sure some others have great ideas, so stop back by and see what they come up with.

[stuckinwoods]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

I'm sorry you feel that way. What about trying a consult with a different attorney?

I encourage you to begin with baby steps. You have access to a computer and can type, right? Maybe you could do some at-home work utilizing your typing skills.

I wish you well. I'm sure some others have great ideas, so stop back by and see what they come up with.

i am open to any suggestions. yes, i could work from home. i can type -- i have a college degree. i would love nothing more than to be self-sufficient. turning 59, which is so close to 60, lol, i'm feeling overwhelmed that time is running out for me to start all over again. i've started all over so many times already. ack!

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by stuckinwoods

i am open to any suggestions. yes, i could work from home. i can type -- i have a college degree. i would love nothing more than to be self-sufficient. turning 59, which is so close to 60, lol, i'm feeling overwhelmed that time is running out for me to start all over again. i've started all over so many times already. ack!

Stick around, hon. There are bunches of independent women here, and only a couple younger than 40-ish!

I encourage you to begin again. Again.

[stuckinwoods]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

Stick around, hon. There are bunches of independent women here, and only a couple younger than 40-ish!

I encourage you to begin again. Again.

well then, i'm going to need a lot of emotional support.

[fairisfair]

UH, his MOM takes care of his money??? she has got to be what 90????

Silver is of course right, people treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.

what is worse?? starting over?? or living the REST of your life like this??

now I am gonna go home and tell him to MAKE ME PIE.

[stuckinwoods]

Originally Posted by fairisfair

UH, his MOM takes care of his money??? she has got to be what 90????

Silver is of course right, people treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.

what is worse?? starting over?? or living the REST of your life like this??

now I am gonna go home and tell him to MAKE ME PIE.

his mom is around 75 or so. my husband is 5 years my junior. yes, i do know that he treats me the way i allow him to. or whatever. i hate that i've let myself get to this point. is there a forum for starting over. lol

[nextwife]

Gee. I'm stunned.

I'm 53, raising our ten year old daughter, and I simply refuse to be controlled.

Not that my 61 year old husband would ever consider trying! Most of our friends are around age 60 - and I honestly don't know anyone our age who even still has more than maybe one living parent, much less a living parent whom THEY are not helping out. Certainly their parents are not overseeing THEM. And I don't know any 60 year old girlfriends who are not capable, working and independent.

BTW- I maintain my own checking, savings, and stock portfolio accounts, we each share a household account. Neither of us would make a major purchase decision without sharing in the process.

I don't know how to start over- I hope you've taught your sons and daughters to be PARTNERS in these matters.

[BlondiePB]

Since WI is a community property state, how would a surviving spouse be left with nothing (i.e. spousal share)?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by stuckinwoods

What is the name of your state? wisconsin

married 10+ years. husband emotionally abusive & controlling. his mom takes care of all his money. i get an allowance. he has it set up if anything were to happen to him, i'd have nothing. i try talking to him, he won't change anything. i want to be treated like his wife, not a child or a mistress. what can i do? what are my rights as his wife. he makes 96,000 a yr. has 3 properties w/homes. i have NO clue where his money goes or how much he has. no one believes i put up w/this. i have no money - i get only enough for food, gas and RXs. he also refuses to pay bills in my name which he encouraged me to make.

Since you are college educated, is it safe to assume that you have amassed enough social security credits to be on SSDI rather than SSI? Are you collecting SSDI or SSI? If not, have you attempted to do so? That might be your first step towards aquiring some independence.

I can tell you that if you divorce, you would be entitled to 1/2 of the assets that accrued during the marriage (and would also be responsible for 1/2 of the debt that accrued during the marriage as well). My only concern there is that if his mother is managing all of his money, is it possible that his assets are in his mother's name rather than his? If he has a 401k or an IRA that can't be in his mother's name, so that is one asset available to be split.

Since you are disabled, its also quite possible that you would be entitled to some alimony/spousal support as well.

Other than that, if you are not on SSDI or SSI, you may want to try to hang in there until you are at least 62 and can collect social security retirement benefits.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by nextwife

Gee. I'm stunned.

I'm 53, raising our ten year old daughter, and I simply refuse to be controlled.

Not that my 61 year old husband would ever consider trying! Most of our friends are around age 60 - and I honestly don't know anyone our age who even still has more than maybe one living parent, much less a living parent whom THEY are not helping out. Certainly their parents are not overseeing THEM. And I don't know any 60 year old girlfriends who are not capable, working and independent.

BTW- I maintain my own checking, savings, and stock portfolio accounts, we each share a household account. Neither of us would make a major purchase decision without sharing in the process.

I don't know how to start over- I hope you've taught your sons and daughters to be PARTNERS in these matters.

She is disabled. She didn't mention the nature of her disability but the situation is not the same as you and your friends.

[Zephyr]

here's a start

[url]http://nxt.legis.state.wi.us/nxt/gateway.dll?f=templates&fn=default.htm&vid=WIefault&d=stats&jd=ch.%20765[/url]


OP- regardless of your disability or how mean your husband is YOU are the person who controls your life and can determine (even at a whim!) what you will and will not tolerate, even though it may not seem so- you are choosing to live this way, if you don't like it- CHOOSE SOMETHING ELSE