What recourse do I have ?

[Mothers Son]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

We have an unusual (we think) situation where my step father refuses to allow me to visit with my mother. Okay, here's the scoop: several months ago I confronted my step father regarding my mothers safety. Mom is in stage 6 with Altzheimers and step dad is her caretaker. She also has a severe case of shingles (in her face, primarily her eye & forehead). They are well off & could afford a nice care facility (but he is a cheapskate & he considers their savings as his retirement funds). That is all well & fine with me, BUT..... stepdad does not do a good job as her caretaker. He bought a motorcycle and has so much fun riding it that he just takes off & goes on extended bike runs with his pals leaving Mom home alone (several days per week. Just a few concerns are that she has fallen down the stairs, where she stayed for several hours until he returned home (She had to have knee surgery for that incident). On another occasion she set towels on fire that were on the stove top (very lucky that time), another time she discovered his handgun & ammo and was found playing with it when he returned (thank god she never loaded it), he also leaves her meds out on the countertop and she has dumped them all out together and was discovered trying to figure out what pills to take, and she has been found by the sheriff dept walking down the highway. She wears the same clothes for weeks at a time, is left unwashed and unkempt and because he does not monitor her, even when he is at home with her, she stands in front of the bathroom mirror for hours at a time picking her face & forehead until she is bleeding profusely. This unsanitary practice eventually led to the loss of her eye. Although we have repeatedly asked him to either put Mom somewhere for her health & safety or to hire someone to assist with her care when he leaves, he refuses.

By the way, My wife & I have helped to take care of Mom whenever we were asked, several times we took mom in our home for three and four days at a time so he could go for out of state bike runs. We both used up all of our vacation time for three years to help take care of Mom as well.

I also should mention that just prior to this incident / confrontation, dear old stepdad asked us if we knew what the state law required relative to mandatory autopsies, explaining that Mom wouldn't want an autopsy. We feel that he is very capable of overdosing Mom, and or, doing many other unscrupulous things to hurt Mom. For instance, he removed Mom from all of their financial accounts (which is fine), but also stopped taking Mom to her doctor appointments claiming that they were doing no good. He also stopped buying her altzheimer meds claiming that they were also not doing any good and were too expensive.

Finally, the sheriff dept called us one evening to ask if I had a relative living at their address. They informed me that Mom had dialled 911 to report that she was being held hostage and that people were inside her home. Of course they responded and found a very mentally challenged and disoriented person (mom). My wife and I went there and stayed with mom for three hours until stepdad returned from that particular bike ride. Once again I confronted stepdad about our growing concerns for Mom's safety (there were multiple other times we told him about our concerns for moms safety as well), but this time he became extremely mad at us, told us to leave his house, and every since then (October 08) he refuses to allow us to call or visit with my mother. He has told what few family members there are that I elected not to see my mother. He informed us that if we take any sort of outside actions he will make sure we never, ever see her alive again. We also know that he continues to leave her alone, without supervision. We did anomously report our fears and concerns to the local DHS, but have no idea if they ever investigated.

So, is there any legal recourse that will allow us access to see my Mother alive again ???

[Gracie3787]

Originally Posted by Mothers Son

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

We have an unusual (we think) situation where my step father refuses to allow me to visit with my mother. Okay, here's the scoop: several months ago I confronted my step father regarding my mothers safety. Mom is in stage 6 with Altzheimers and step dad is her caretaker. She also has a severe case of shingles (in her face, primarily her eye & forehead). They are well off & could afford a nice care facility (but he is a cheapskate & he considers their savings as his retirement funds). That is all well & fine with me, BUT..... stepdad does not do a good job as her caretaker. He bought a motorcycle and has so much fun riding it that he just takes off & goes on extended bike runs with his pals leaving Mom home alone (several days per week. Just a few concerns are that she has fallen down the stairs, where she stayed for several hours until he returned home (She had to have knee surgery for that incident). On another occasion she set towels on fire that were on the stove top (very lucky that time), another time she discovered his handgun & ammo and was found playing with it when he returned (thank god she never loaded it), he also leaves her meds out on the countertop and she has dumped them all out together and was discovered trying to figure out what pills to take, and she has been found by the sheriff dept walking down the highway. She wears the same clothes for weeks at a time, is left unwashed and unkempt and because he does not monitor her, even when he is at home with her, she stands in front of the bathroom mirror for hours at a time picking her face & forehead until she is bleeding profusely. This unsanitary practice eventually led to the loss of her eye. Although we have repeatedly asked him to either put Mom somewhere for her health & safety or to hire someone to assist with her care when he leaves, he refuses.

By the way, My wife & I have helped to take care of Mom whenever we were asked, several times we took mom in our home for three and four days at a time so he could go for out of state bike runs. We both used up all of our vacation time for three years to help take care of Mom as well.

I also should mention that just prior to this incident / confrontation, dear old stepdad asked us if we knew what the state law required relative to mandatory autopsies, explaining that Mom wouldn't want an autopsy. We feel that he is very capable of overdosing Mom, and or, doing many other unscrupulous things to hurt Mom. For instance, he removed Mom from all of their financial accounts (which is fine), but also stopped taking Mom to her doctor appointments claiming that they were doing no good. He also stopped buying her altzheimer meds claiming that they were also not doing any good and were too expensive.

Finally, the sheriff dept called us one evening to ask if I had a relative living at their address. They informed me that Mom had dialled 911 to report that she was being held hostage and that people were inside her home. Of course they responded and found a very mentally challenged and disoriented person (mom). My wife and I went there and stayed with mom for three hours until stepdad returned from that particular bike ride. Once again I confronted stepdad about our growing concerns for Mom's safety (there were multiple other times we told him about our concerns for moms safety as well), but this time he became extremely mad at us, told us to leave his house, and every since then (October 08) he refuses to allow us to call or visit with my mother. He has told what few family members there are that I elected not to see my mother. He informed us that if we take any sort of outside actions he will make sure we never, ever see her alive again. We also know that he continues to leave her alone, without supervision. We did anomously report our fears and concerns to the local DHS, but have no idea if they ever investigated.

So, is there any legal recourse that will allow us access to see my Mother alive again ???

You NEED to report the situation to DHS again and again until they investigate, you will also need to tell them that you are the son, they will take the report more seriously. I don't know what Michigan laws are on this, but all states do have laws regarding elder abuse/neglect.

Is DHS aware that the police have been called?
If not, they should be informed ASAP.

You can also find more info regarding elder abuse at:

[url=http://www.aoa.gov/AoARoot/AoA_Programs/Elder_Rights/index.aspx]Elder Rights Protection[/url]

[kimberlywrites]

For goodness sake, go get her when stepdad is on one of his rides. Stake out the house until he leaves, then make your move. Take her to your house, call the authorities regarding elder abuse, or get your mother into the hospital for observation , and then make arrangements for her for assisted living. you're her SON. You can do this.

[Gail in Georgia]

I agree with getting mom out of there. Take her to a hospital/geriatric physician for an evaluation regarding her mental capacity to be left alone while step dad is out kicking up his heels.

Contact in Michigan for Adult Protection:

[url=http://www.michigan.gov/som/0,1607,7-192-29941_30590-46053--,00.html]SOM - Reporting Elder Abuse[/url]


Gail

[kimberlywrites]

Would son need to get a POA over mom in order to have any say in her medical treatment? And if so, how hard would it be to get that?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by kimberlywrites

Would son need to get a POA over mom in order to have any say in her medical treatment? And if so, how hard would it be to get that?

He would have to fight her husband (stepdad) in court to get that.

[Zigner]

At this late stage, it is extremely unlikely that a POA would be valid, even if they could get mom to sign.