What rights do I have as a step-dad?

[cgcmdad]

My state is Michigan...
My new wife has a 3 year old son and I want to be active in his life. Her ex-husband will not allow me to be at parent/teacher conferences or doctor appointments when he is there. Can she give me the "right" to be at important events like doctor visits and school meetings. Basically does her permission for me to attend outweigh his objection?

 

[Just Blue]

My state is Michigan...
My new wife has a 3 year old son and I want to be active in his life. Her ex-husband will not allow me to be at parent/teacher conferences or doctor appointments when he is there. Can she give me the "right" to be at important events like doctor visits and school meetings. Basically does her permission for me to attend outweigh his objection?

Why would you insist on doing something that so clearly would aggravate your wifes ex? To what end? You have no right to be at a doctors appointment or a school meeting, this is not your child.
Take a step back and don't antagonize the FATHER of this child.

 

[CourtClerk]

Q: What rights do I have as a step-dad?

A: None

 

[Just Blue]

Q: What rights do I have as a step-dad?

A: None

CC, I predict a primary custody change happening in the OP's wifes future...what do you think??

 

[CourtClerk]

CC, I predict a primary custody change happening in the OP's wifes future...what do you think??

Now you know my FA crystal ball is in the shop but let's see if I can swing this one without it...

OP basically wants to cut out DAD and give "stranger" the "right" to go to parent meetings at school (to which he is not a parent), and dr. appt's where medical information should be discussed with parents (to which again, he is not). OP's hubby is asking

Can she give me the "right" to be at important events like doctor visits and school meetings. Basically does her permission for me to attend outweigh his objection?

which means that this has (at a minimum) been discussed...why??? I have no idea. Yeah, I can see how a judge can see this as a problem. I wonder how the OP would feel if he had children by someone and they wanted to have the new squeeze play a father role to his kids to the point where her rights outweigh his...

The beauty of joint custody I tell you. It's situations like these that speak of it's necessity sometimes.

 

[Ohiogal]

Congrats OP. Your wife is going to lose custody of her child due to your actions and overstepping your boundaries. I really congratulate you.
In case you are slow to understand, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO BE WHERE PARENTS ARE TO BE. You are not now and never will be the parent of this child. And if you keep it up your wife will not be the custodial parent of this child.

 

[CLBKLCDTB]

What rights do I have as a step-dad?

Legaly? NONE

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh and technically mom can say you can attend but her permission to have you attend does NOT outweigh dad's objection to you being there. And a court will not side with mom in this instance because you have NO LEGITIMATE REASON to be there. Especially if both of the parents are attending.

 

[CourtClerk]

You know OG, I have a couple of friends that are teachers and quite frankly I asked one of them what she would do in this instance.

She says she has a policy that she only allows PARENTS to be present at parent/teacher conferences after a few episodes where step parents didn't know their place. She politely asks for them to step outside the classroom (or where ever the meeting is being held) and then their husband/wife can fill them in later if they like. Of course, she's a teacher with a backbone.

 

[LdiJ]

You know OG, I have a couple of friends that are teachers and quite frankly I asked one of them what she would do in this instance.

She says she has a policy that she only allows PARENTS to be present at parent/teacher conferences after a few episodes where step parents didn't know their place. She politely asks for them to step outside the classroom (or where ever the meeting is being held) and then their husband/wife can fill them in later if they like. Of course, she's a teacher with a backbone.

I come from a family of educators, and I know that some teachers will schedule separate conferences if stepparents are a problem. One conference for mom, and one conference for dad.

I personally don't think that's the best way to go, because often mom and dad don't end up on the same page, which is NOT good for the child's education.

 

[CJane]

I come from a family of educators, and I know that some teachers will schedule separate conferences if stepparents are a problem. One conference for mom, and one conference for dad.

I personally don't think that's the best way to go, because often mom and dad don't end up on the same page, which is NOT good for the child's education.

I agree. This is what my ex and I have gone to as he refuses to discuss anything having to do with the children while I am in the room. And I agree... very often, we get different information or process it differently as we can't hear it at the same time or discuss it.

It's unfortunate, for sure.

Last year, Ex's wife tried to attend a PTC INSTEAD of him... the teacher refused the appointment.

 

[Ohiogal]

You know OG, I have a couple of friends that are teachers and quite frankly I asked one of them what she would do in this instance.

She says she has a policy that she only allows PARENTS to be present at parent/teacher conferences after a few episodes where step parents didn't know their place. She politely asks for them to step outside the classroom (or where ever the meeting is being held) and then their husband/wife can fill them in later if they like. Of course, she's a teacher with a backbone.

I actually had a school superintendent inquire of me regarding what rights a stepparent has in a child's education. When I said none he wanted to know if they could be a homeroom volunteer or attend other activities such as conferences. My answer was quite simple: If someone off the street is allowed to volunteer then the step can volunteer. If someone off the street can attend a PTC then the step can do so. But a perfect stranger cannot do ANY of those things then a step cannot either.

Sorta puts it in perspective huh?

 

[milspecgirl]

i assume this is different if 1 parent is in no way involved in the child's life. my husband has sole custody if his child and her mother has not been in contact in over a year and has seen her a handful of times in 9 years. i am the one the teacher's call, the school nurse calls, goes to PTC, etc. Are you saying that if mom shows up out of nowhere and orders that they not talk to me, I will be shut out? I am just checking on this

 

[CJane]

Are you saying that if mom shows up out of nowhere and orders that they not talk to me, I will be shut out? I am just checking on this

Yes.

LEGALLY, no matter how much you love the child, you have no more rights to her than anyone else who didn't give birth to her.

 

[CourtClerk]

i assume this is different if 1 parent is in no way involved in the child's life. my husband has sole custody if his child and her mother has not been in contact in over a year and has seen her a handful of times in 9 years. i am the one the teacher's call, the school nurse calls, goes to PTC, etc. Are you saying that if mom shows up out of nowhere and orders that they not talk to me, I will be shut out? I am just checking on this

Your assumption is incorrect, in fact, if I were the teacher I would not even BEGIN by speaking to you regarding the child in the first place. Your husband has sole custody, and unless you have adopted the child, speaking to you about the child's education is like speaking to the ice cream man or the mailman. You are your husband's wife, not the child's parent.

Therefore, yes, if mom shows up and orders they not speak to you, it is in their best interest NOT to speak to you.