"wicked step-daughter"

[ridgerunner10]

What is the name of your state? ohio
i am not sure how to explain my problem but here goes any way. i am married to a beautiful woman for almost 5 years now ( july21st will be our next anniversary).
she has a daughter from a previous relationship who will soon be 30 years old.
when my first wife died suddenly in 2000 i was lucky enough to meet my present wife and we hit it off right away. the problem is her daughter.
i have tried and tried to make a relationship with her but she refuses to meet me halfway.
i try to be as nice as possible but sometimes she says things that really hurt. such as yesterday (july 1st,2006) my wife and i went to a cookout at the trailer park where her daughter lives with her boyfriend.
the whole time i was there i felt very uncomfortable. whne some friends of hers came over she introduced her mother and myself in this manner. "this is my mom and her husband." wheni said " even though she wont admit it i am her step-father" she and her mother both had a fit. all my wife's daughter would say was that she will always refer to me as "the man who married her mother".
and when i tried to make light of it by saying that according to the law i am in fact her step-father she got very upset as did her mother.
that really upset me because her mother told me to shut up because i was not her step=father and never would be.
can someone please explain why my own wife who says she loves me will not even defend me in what is right and true?
my wife for some unknown reason always defends her daughter no matter what. even though she knows and tells me when we are alone that she doesnt believe what her daughter says or does at times.
its like my wife is afraid to say anything negative about her daughter and that her daughter is always right and is never wrong. for instance i am receiving social security disabilty and according to the law i am entitled to help with my food bills and thus i also receive $95 a month in food benefits to help us and yet my wife wont even mention that we get the help to her daughter because i think she is ashamed of me.
i love my wife dearly and in spite of the way she acts i also love my step-daughter but can not understand why she insists on treating me as she does as i have never done any thing to her. i admit that in 2001 my wife and i had a argument and i did grab her by the arm. she went to the police and i was arrested and spent 1 night in jail but was released the next day and my wife forgave me and let me come back home and i have never laid a single hand on my wife ever since. i made a mistake the time i grabed her and i learned my lesson and will never do it again. please tell me any advice you might have regarding my situation and what i might do to resolve it. i never asked her daughter to call me DAD or anything but i do think that i am right in my belief that i am her step-father and that my wife should defend me in this matter. thank you

[moburkes]

Originally Posted by ridgerunner10

What is the name of your state? ohio
i am not sure how to explain my problem but here goes any way. i am married to a beautiful woman for almost 5 years now ( july21st will be our next anniversary).
she has a daughter from a previous relationship who will soon be 30 years old.
when my first wife died suddenly in 2000 i was lucky enough to meet my present wife and we hit it off right away. the problem is her daughter.
i have tried and tried to make a relationship with her but she refuses to meet me halfway.
i try to be as nice as possible but sometimes she says things that really hurt. such as yesterday (july 1st,2006) my wife and i went to a cookout at the trailer park where her daughter lives with her boyfriend.
the whole time i was there i felt very uncomfortable. whne some friends of hers came over she introduced her mother and myself in this manner. "this is my mom and her husband." wheni said " even though she wont admit it i am her step-father" she and her mother both had a fit. all my wife's daughter would say was that she will always refer to me as "the man who married her mother".
and when i tried to make light of it by saying that according to the law i am in fact her step-father she got very upset as did her mother.
that really upset me because her mother told me to shut up because i was not her step=father and never would be.
can someone please explain why my own wife who says she loves me will not even defend me in what is right and true?
my wife for some unknown reason always defends her daughter no matter what. even though she knows and tells me when we are alone that she doesnt believe what her daughter says or does at times.
its like my wife is afraid to say anything negative about her daughter and that her daughter is always right and is never wrong. for instance i am receiving social security disabilty and according to the law i am entitled to help with my food bills and thus i also receive $95 a month in food benefits to help us and yet my wife wont even mention that we get the help to her daughter because i think she is ashamed of me.
i love my wife dearly and in spite of the way she acts i also love my step-daughter but can not understand why she insists on treating me as she does as i have never done any thing to her. i admit that in 2001 my wife and i had a argument and i did grab her by the arm. she went to the police and i was arrested and spent 1 night in jail but was released the next day and my wife forgave me and let me come back home and i have never laid a single hand on my wife ever since. i made a mistake the time i grabed her and i learned my lesson and will never do it again. please tell me any advice you might have regarding my situation and what i might do to resolve it. i never asked her daughter to call me DAD or anything but i do think that i am right in my belief that i am her step-father and that my wife should defend me in this matter. thank you

What is your LEGAL question, please?

[ridgerunner10]

my legal question is : according to the law am i considered to be her step-father and dont i have rights as such. and should not my wife be defending me as such. all i want is teh respect i feel i deserve as the husband of her mother. how can i make her see i am hurting inside because of this.

[moburkes]

Originally Posted by ridgerunner10

my legal question is : according to the law am i considered to be her step-father and dont i have rights as such. and should not my wife be defending me as such. all i want is teh respect i feel i deserve as the husband of her mother. how can i make her see i am hurting inside because of this.

My goodness, her daughter is GROWN. Some people don't acknowledge their OWN parents when they become of age. Stop pushing the issue. Instead of keeping peace, you're trying to start something. If she doesn't like, then she simply doesn't like it (that you're her stepfather), or maybe she just doesn't like you. Get over it. Lay low. Maybe, over time, she will come to be more comfortable with you. Sorry that your wife isn't defending you, but you are, apparently, making her uncomfortable as well.

[BRN2005]

I don't know what kind of legality there might be involved with being a "step-father". I think it is more a matter of definition.
My Mother has been married to her Husband for almost 27 years now. I was 28 when they married. I do not now, nor have I ever, called him my step-father. He is my Mother's husband. To me, the difference is that he was not ever a part of my growing up or of being my Father in any way, shape, or form. He never supported me or Fathered me, or raised me. Were he and my Mother married when I was a child and he had participated in my upbringing, then I believe I would feel differently. As it is, he married my Mother. That does not make him my Father (or step-father), only my Mother's husband.

[tigger22472]

The long and short of it is it doesn't matter what your 'legal' status is, you have no 'rights' to anything no matter how old or young the daughter is.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by ridgerunner10

What is the name of your state? ohio
i am not sure how to explain my problem but here goes any way. i am married to a beautiful woman for almost 5 years now ( july21st will be our next anniversary).
she has a daughter from a previous relationship who will soon be 30 years old.


So she was 25 when you married her mother. Ohio law recognizes her as an adult.

when my first wife died suddenly in 2000 i was lucky enough to meet my present wife and we hit it off right away. the problem is her daughter.
i have tried and tried to make a relationship with her but she refuses to meet me halfway.

Truthfully she doesn't have to meet you halfway. She doesn't have to meet you anyway.

i try to be as nice as possible but sometimes she says things that really hurt. such as yesterday (july 1st,2006) my wife and i went to a cookout at the trailer park where her daughter lives with her boyfriend.


Apparently you have some relationship with her as you were invited to the park where she lives.

the whole time i was there i felt very uncomfortable. whne some friends of hers came over she introduced her mother and myself in this manner. "this is my mom and her husband." wheni said " even though she wont admit it i am her step-father" she and her mother both had a fit.

There was absolutely NOTHING wrong with what she said either legally or in my opinion. You are her mother's husband. You are not her step-father. You did no fathering of her. You did not raise her. And Ohio law will not recognize you as anything more than the man who married her mother. Even if she were a minor.

all my wife's daughter would say was that she will always refer to me as "the man who married her mother".
and when i tried to make light of it by saying that according to the law i am in fact her step-father she got very upset as did her mother.

According to law you are NOTHING to her. I am an attorney who practices famly law in Ohio and you have no rights to her by virtue of having married her mother. You have no legal relationship with her. You are strictly the man who married her mother. Why does that bother you? She is not saying that you are the idiot or moron her mother stuck her with or being derogatory in any other way. She is stating the fact that you are her mother's husband, the man who married her mother.

that really upset me because her mother told me to shut up because i was not her step=father and never would be.

the word father in any capacity implies that you had something to do with shaping the type of person she would become as an adult. You didn't. You don't qualify as a psychological father or even operating at any point in time in loco parentis. According to the law you will never be a parent to this woman. She is a legal adult.


can someone please explain why my own wife who says she loves me will not even defend me in what is right and true?

Because you are WRONG! Your wife loves you very much but you do not get claim credit for participating in the raising of this woman when you had nothing to do with it. You are not right and it is not true. What your stepdaughter and wife are saying is the legal fact.


my wife for some unknown reason always defends her daughter no matter what. even though she knows and tells me when we are alone that she doesnt believe what her daughter says or does at times.
its like my wife is afraid to say anything negative about her daughter and that her daughter is always right and is never wrong. for instance i am receiving social security disabilty and according to the law i am entitled to help with my food bills and thus i also receive $95 a month in food benefits to help us and yet my wife wont even mention that we get the help to her daughter because i think she is ashamed of me.

Why is it any of her daughter's business? Why? It has nothing to do anything and is far more information that this legal stranger needs to know. It is no one's business that you get SSD or food stamps. It is no one's business how you pay any of your bills or meet any of your obligations as long as you do it legally. Why do you wnat to include her daughter in your private financial business?

i love my wife dearly and in spite of the way she acts i also love my step-daughter but can not understand why she insists on treating me as she does as i have never done any thing to her.

There is nothing wrong with the way she is "treating" you.

i admit that in 2001 my wife and i had a argument and i did grab her by the arm. she went to the police and i was arrested and spent 1 night in jail but was released the next day and my wife forgave me and let me come back home and i have never laid a single hand on my wife ever since. i made a mistake the time i grabed her and i learned my lesson and will never do it again.

truthfully you are extremely lucky that daughter allows you to come to her trailer park for family events since you have abused her mother. You are lucky that your wife forgave you.


please tell me any advice you might have regarding my situation and what i might do to resolve it. i never asked her daughter to call me DAD or anything but i do think that i am right in my belief that i am her step-father and that my wife should defend me in this matter. thank you

You are not her father or her stepfather. You participated not at all in her upbringing. You have no legal right to be called step dad or introduced as her stepfather. there are NO legal rights associated with stepparents in Ohio. So legally your wife and her daughter are doing nothing wrong. How to resolve your situation -- back off and be content with the relationship you do have with your wife's daughter. If you continue to force this issue you may drive a wedge into your relationship with both your wife and her daughter.

[stealth2]

Ditto what OG said. Dude - I think you're the one with issues.

[ceara19]

Also, you NEVER want to put a parent (especially a mother) in a situation where they feel as though they have to choose between their child or their new spouse. The new spouse almost ALWAYS loses.