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dentist

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nonenone

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
This looks like a fairy tale but the end is not as in the book. I was raised very conservatively in a different country. I got married moved to the US. I never made friendship with anyone. My life revolved around my husband, kid and work. I stayed home after my second kid was born. I still did not make any friendships and we did not have TV at home. After a year at home I started getting annoyed with everything and started fighting with my husband. Things detoriated after another year at home. I thought my life was over and that I would survive for the kids and make sure they achieved somethig better in life. I had been to an orthodontist for braces for more than three years. At this time I started losing brackets or breaking the wire frequently. At first the dentist was mad but later he realized something and was very kind to me. One day his assistant kept asking me questions in his presence and I told about all the silly mistakes I do at home. A little later the dentist swayed his head from side to side couple of times. I thought he was checking the alignment of my face. When I looked up his assistant was laughing hard. He sent her couple of times out of the room for a minute to get a wire or something. She would come back and he would put the wire on my teeth and say this is not the one and send her back. Everytime she left the room I got nervous. At the end of the session he said to her "Thank you for your excellent..." I cannot remember the words. I did not mention this to my husband nor anything of the consequent visits.
I was ill during my next appointment. I thought the dentist would show me kindness and went for the appointment. He was nice and enquired about my kids. Came back couple of times and pursued the topic of my kids. From the next appointment onwards I regained my senses. I kept going back because I thought I could handle the whole thing and I would get the braces work finished. The sessions were much longer than usual. I would glance once or twice at him due to curiosity but would focus on anything else during the remaining time. He would sit there for a long time and my guess is he just whiled away his time. I really don't know only his assistants would know. Once I remember he asked me to turn my head and When I turned, his body was very close to mine. When I looked up, he just moved away. One day he had my x-rays taken and during the next visit I asked him when he would take off my braces. He suggested it would not be the next but the following appointment. On the next appointment, his assistant kept going "mmmmm..mmm" loudly couple of times in his presence and I was getting annoyed. Again it was a long session. When the session ended, I felt miserable that I will never be able to see him after the next session and I just stood there thinking about this. The assistant was kind, she said that she will check me out and I got back to my senses. I was debating to go for the next appointment but again my selfishness got better of me. I thought I could handle the situation and anyhow I did not know where to go for just taking off my braces. By this time I started working and on the prior night of the last appointment I hardly slept for a few hours because I had work to catch up. There were two sessions one in the morning and the other in the afternoon. In the morning session, he did not have any assistant after about half an hour or forty five minutes into the session I fell asleep. During this time I recollect only two things, him turning my face probably to get the work done correctly. I also recollect that he cleaned his hands on the bib once on the left and then right. After that he called his assistant to take over and told her to remind me of coming back for my later session. At the end of this session, he was stepping out for lunch and I wished that he would take me with him. In the evening session after i had a brief consultation with the assistant, the dentist came to work on my teeth but there was no assitant. At the end I was beginning to step out and he asked me to wait. I dropped my retainer and he said that he will get it for me. He sat there writing my chart and I stood there watching. After few minutes he checked me out. I came to know that day I had a retainer check after six weeks. I did not got back again I would cross lines if I went again. His assitant had given me lot of assorted candies in a ziploc bag prior to his seeing me alone. I got them home for my kids and my husband noticed and thought it was very strange. I felt miserable but did not go for the next appointment and I felt quite proud of myself. As the months progressed, I became more and more obessed about him. I would be googling him and finding out information. Things at home got worse and worse for various reasons. Finally one evening after about seven months, I drove to the parking lot of the dentist and saw him coming. He looked at me but did not show any reaction. I went back couple of days later to his office and he spoke to me in a room which had no door. I wanted to be nice and apologized for my prior actions(which was the most stupid thing to say..I should have said the truth that I was obessed and I wanted to get over with it). He left to check out somebody and sent the front desk lady who kept insisting on taking the retainer check appointment. I kept telling her I came to see the doctor and not to take the appointment. Finally I just yelled "Where is the doctor" and he came from behind the wall. I repeated the same thing over as earlier. I was suprised that he acted ignorant. Then the realization came and as I was leaving, he made a remark to come back again. "Yeah I know" I answered and left his office. He called my husband and in polite words told him I was disillusioned and needed to be attended. After that my life collapsed. My husband and me fought bitterly and finally reconciled after several months. My home became an open house for everyone to come and give their ideas and sometimes they arranged the things in my home according to what they thought was good. For six months I was like fish out of water. The guilt never goes away. For someone who never has a mark in their life this was hell. I was fired from my job because I could not concentrate. From a role model mom now I have become a bitch for most of my relations. The guilt does not allow me to progress in personal or professional life. I am slowly accepting this new life. I went to a psychiatrist who is from the same country as I am. She told me I was very lucky that I did not get divorced. She told me the whole dentist episode is my imagination. Half of me still thinks about the kindness of the dentist and half of me wants to get back at the dentist really hard but again I was equally at fault. Everytime I see the picture of his wife and kid on the internet, it upsets me. My kids lost all respect for me. I have gained weight, dress shabbily and half the time I look like a zombie. I am just hanging in there for my kids and hopefully I will come out of the grave I dug for myself. Before mud slinging on my character I have to remind you that earlier to my daughter's birth I worked in a team where one girl worked remotely from another state and I was the only one onsite as the company was in the same town. I worked with about eight guys everyday for three years. I had no problem what so ever.
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
Very simply:

OP fell in love with her dentist who did not reciprocate her feelings.

OP is perhaps wondering if she can somehow sue the dentist for mental..damages?

Maybe?

That's what I got from it...
 

nonenone

Junior Member
I will try to give an abridged version. I am a loner and communicated only with my husband. After the birth of my child I had differences with my husband and stopped communicating with him. During this time I saw an orthodontist, once his assitant made me talk and he got wind that something was not right at home. He started acting up, the sessions grew longer and in the end there were no assistants and he did all the work himself. He never spoke or touched indecently. I left after I got my braces removed but got obessed and returned back several months later and made a complete fool of myself at his office. He called my husband and in polite terms mentioned I was disillusioned.
From a role model mom I had become a cheater in my community. I have no proof of his role except that on last day before he saw me alone, his assitant gave lots of candy in a ziploc bag which I took it home for my kids and my husband was suprised.
My family life got ruined and the guilt kills me. I payed for what I did wrong but it bothers me the doctor got away.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I will try to give an abridged version. I am a loner and communicated only with my husband. After the birth of my child I had differences with my husband and stopped communicating with him. During this time I saw an orthodontist, once his assitant made me talk and he got wind that something was not right at home. He started acting up, the sessions grew longer and in the end there were no assistants and he did all the work himself. He never spoke or touched indecently. I left after I got my braces removed but got obessed and returned back several months later and made a complete fool of myself at his office. He called my husband and in polite terms mentioned I was disillusioned.
From a role model mom I had become a cheater in my community. I have no proof of his role except that on last day before he saw me alone, his assitant gave lots of candy in a ziploc bag which I took it home for my kids and my husband was suprised.
My family life got ruined and the guilt kills me. I payed for what I did wrong but it bothers me the doctor got away.

The doctor didn't DO anything. He has nothing to answer for.

But please keep going with your therapy - it will help you even more in the long term.
 

nonenone

Junior Member
I don't want to sue him as suggested by someone in this forum. I am just upset I got myself into this mess. Although majority of the blame is on my side, there is some portion for which he is responsible. He was smart enough to leave no proof. His assistants know a better deal but they value their jobs.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I don't want to sue him as suggested by someone in this forum. I am just upset I got myself into this mess. Although majority of the blame is on my side, there is some portion for which he is responsible. He was smart enough to leave no proof. His assistants know a better deal but they value their jobs.

He didn't DO anything.

If he did, then you can make a formal complaint about his wrongdoings.

However, you MUST understand something. NOTHING you have said suggests he acted inappropriately. Think twice about trying to ruin the life of someone who does not appear to be even marginally culpable.

Your fantasy was not of his making.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
You have issues that can only be dealt with through intensive therapy. This dentist has nothing to do with your issues. Worry about getting yourself healthy.
 

nonenone

Junior Member
To wit..



OP, you said yourself he did NOTHING wrong.
I mentioned "He never spoke or touched indecently.". If I was delusional, I would have not have given such a statement. I would have spiced it up.For someone who knew the patient had problems at home, you do not dangle the carrot. It does not have to be indecent. Prolonging the sessions or asking the assistant to leave and doing the work alone is sufficient for slow poisoning the patients brain. Have you seen any orthodontics office give an adult patient about 15-20 candies in a ziploc bag. If you think I am hallucinating then this ziploc bag was noticed by husband who was quiet suprised. If this is all normal then I will just suck up and shut up.
I regret not going back to work after my kid was born. I did not see this mental illness creeping on me. I don't need a therapist, I need to keep my brain occupied with better things in life.
 
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