Adultery and No Contact Order

[dtessada]

What is the name of your state? Texas

My husband and I are currently seperated due to an affair that he had while deployed in Iraq. Recently my husband received a NO CONTACT ORDER from his 1SGT and CO regarding the "young" lady that he had the affair with. I do not think that they have proof of the affair, but there is obviously plenty of suspicion. They are both in the same unit, he is an E-5 (E-4 during the affair), and she is a E-3 (i think). My question is this, this young lady is actively persuing my husband knowing full well that he has been given a direct order to stay away from her. They have already been seen together once violating this order due to her approaching him. Since she was never issued a no contact order to stay away from him, what kind of problems can he find himself in if she continues to persue him? What actions can be taken (by him or myself) to get her to leave him alone? What does a no contact order actually intale? And finally, ( I have no solid proof of this last), if they are both persuing each other, what is my husband looking at if they are caught together?

I do not want to cause trouble for my husband if at all possible, but I am affaid that she/they will do it for him.

[Shay-Pari'e]

You are afraid that the military will find out about his living conditions? What exactly is your question then?

so i found something on the ucmj website...and i dont remember the name of that site exactly....anways
adultery is under article 134 para 62 or 64(cant remember)
in laymans terms it means he was probably fraternizing, and, depending on your branch, he is considered a junior nco(e4)or something to that effect, unless your navy, then your just an e4...then, if they get caught, he's looking at fraternization, on top of adultery(u 2 r married, is she?), and if i were your husband(not you)i'd put a protective order on her. is it possible for him to ask for a hardship transfer? or, the same unit, but another company maybe?(as in usmc has like 1mardiv, but they have armory motor t, infantry etc....of course this is a no female unit i believe its all infantry anyways...)if she has a pair to come to your home and you live on the post, call pmo, b/c they can contact the OOD and let them know there IS an order, and that SHE was contacting HIM...

[dtessada]

You are afraid that the military will find out about his living conditions?

Yes, that is one of my concerns. I do not know where his is staying. I do not know if they are together or not. I have my suspicions but no proof. There is more then just my marriage at stake here. We have 3 kids together that depend on him and any support and beneifts that they are due.

He is Army. I don't understand exactly what a No contact order implies. It sounds pretty self explanitory, but after 14 yrs of dealling with the military, I have learned that what sounds like one thing isn't always the case. So my first question is;

What exactly does a no contact order imply? Does it mean just on post or both on and off post? Does it mean, as I think it does, no contact at all whatsoever or what?

My second question is;

If they are caught together, what coud happen to him?

My third question is where can I find documented proof of any informaion regarding these issues, i.e. the regs?

[marine]

There is more then just my marriage at stake here. We have 3 kids together that depend on him and any support and beneifts that they are due.

Divorce him, thats what you can do!

It would appear to me you are trying to establish authority, collect regualtions, to in turn, exhert control on the situation.

You will only wind up hurting your kids.

Divorce him. Thats your control.

Pushing his chain of command may (will) result in his loss of rank and to you means loss of benefits.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

just do a quick search and look at those similarly situated.

There is a classic social scenario in the miltary.
Guy cheats.
Wife finds out.
Wife rightfulyl hurt --> stages of deperssion (fast forward to anger)
Tries to exhert control, avenge
--------> husband is reduced in rank or kicked out resulting in lower support/benefits for family

Cut off your nose to spite your face.

Its Lose Lose!

[dtessada]

We are already talking about divorce. I am not looking at things that I could do to him. I just want to know what to expect if and when they are caught.

[Shay-Pari'e]

Originally Posted by marine

There is more then just my marriage at stake here. We have 3 kids together that depend on him and any support and beneifts that they are due.

Divorce him, thats what you can do!

It would appear to me you are trying to establish authority, collect regualtions, to in turn, exhert control on the situation.

You will only wind up hurting your kids.

Divorce him. Thats your control.

Pushing his chain of command may (will) result in his loss of rank and to you means loss of benefits.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

just do a quick search and look at those similarly situated.

There is a classic social scenario in the miltary.
Guy cheats.
Wife finds out.
Wife rightfulyl hurt --> stages of deperssion (fast forward to anger)
Tries to exhert control, avenge
--------> husband is reduced in rank or kicked out resulting in lower support/benefits for family

Cut off your nose to spite your face.

Its Lose Lose!

Did you notice she edited her post? No where in her post is there anything about living conditions now.

[marine]

you called it! She seemed more interested in the living situation rather than her position that she wants to 'protect him'.

but as far as he goes...another one bites the dust.

We will never learn!

dtessada,

If in violation of the 'no contact' order he will(may) be charged with failure to obey a lawful order, fraternization, and they could pursue adultery(depending on evidence). It_s highly subjective and up to his command. However, if they have given an order in lieu of an investigation already, they likely are in the position that its not a disruption to good order, but are protecting good order where possible. What that means to you is it sounds as if the CO and 1Sgt are common sensical leaders....that its a trivial matter and best resolved in divorce. Now--having said that--if he was ordered and he violates that, he should be charged regardless if anything inapproriate has occured. Its an order. His best option is to divorce you and then seek the relationship afterwards. Your best option seems to be to accept it (sorry that this has happened), and take him to court. Hopefully, you two can put it behind you as parents and raise the children whom are the real victims here. Step one is to resolve this amicable. you ruin his career in a revenge attempt and he will likely retaliate in court. Why did he cheat,etc....try nad use it to take the kids.....and courts are ever incresingly giving children to their fathers to avoid gender discrimination. plus this guy IS a WAR vetern. hard to villify that.....

As a self admitted 'cheater' may I tell you, it may not be about you at all. Sometimes us guys are real $%#$%#$% stupid and selfish and make mistakes. I hope that may make you feel better. For what its worth, it may not be anything about you at all. I'm sorry.

as a former mlitary wife, girl, you can't say i want to protect and find out what you can do to him...if you can't find him, dont worry, his command knows where he is wether they tell you or not...i've learned 1st hand they don't have to tell you $hit, especially if they already know you're going through a divorce....and you know my ex did the adultery thing...but i didnt take him for it....i looked as good riddance, and we're both happier...whats ur state...also, i'll let you know now, girl...i'm unsure of your branch of military, but the base i'm familiar with over in cali, the housing authority will give you a 30-day notice as soon as they even hear a RUMOR you're divorcing, unless you can PROVE you ARENT...so be careful...coz "taking him" can mean a bust down, less money, him moving to the barracks, and if they bust him down enough, you won't see anything unless he gets a 2nd job(if not on restriction)or he picks back up again......honestly, i don't think wives really look into stuff, b/c the 1st thing that hits all minds, what can i do to him...file your divorce, establish CS, and visitation, and leave his damned career alone!!! what happens if he gets kicked out and CAN'T work? then he won't be giving you anything will he??? oh and for gov't sites....look this up...please remember these are NAVY GUIDELINES.....look up MILPERS MANUAL 1754...there is a Naval Mandate on how much dependents get based on the gross pay of the service member....heres what it says about you.....in the case, if he was Navy and you were pulling this $hit he'd have to give you 3/5 of his pay....so how do you expect him to live...also, there are child support calculators on thelaw.com....DO NOT CALCULATE HIS BAH OR BAS....and DO NOT LIE ABOUT YOUR INCOME...it will give you an estimated calculation....remember, the mlitary doesnt dictate divorces anymore, so its all through the state.....sorry so long, but i thought you might want to know

[marine]

excellent point on the base housing and adding the facts about BAH. Case in point about hurting herself.

is my ex is a marine on CP, in cali...
MARINE, i'm sure you know that base
anyways, we hadnt even talked of getting a divorced, hell, we had just said, let's take a breadk(he'd been gong on underways to train for a meu), and our neighbor just happened to hear us say that, and a week before he left on meu, we got called to the housing office...we both said we werent getting divorced just wanted to use the MEU as a separation, clear our head kind of thing...housing agreed they were just tryin to start $hit...well the neighbor would not leave it alone(why he was talkin i dont know, just got out of brig for adultery, "friend" was 16 i think), and so a week after my ex husband left for MEU, i came home to an eviction notice taped to my door...what sucked is that since i didnt have a POA, i couldn't fight housing, and really had no way to talk to my husband...we'd already separated by then, but only our family knew. but damn if we could figure out how our neighbor was learning all this $hit...

[badapple40]

If caught, one defense he has is impossibility. He will have to prove it was impossible to comply with the order (and that he took all reasonable steps to do so). That is a damn hard standard to meet. His best bet, if he is serious about complying with the order, is to inform his chain that she is trying to pursue him, and that he is trying to comply with the order. And I would do it in writing, in MFR format, so that when they court martial him for this, his defense attorney can hold it up as Defense Exhibit A.

That is my suggestion.


-badapple, COL, JA, USAFR

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by badapple40

If caught, one defense he has is impossibility. He will have to prove it was impossible to comply with the order (and that he took all reasonable steps to do so). That is a damn hard standard to meet. His best bet, if he is serious about complying with the order, is to inform his chain that she is trying to pursue him, and that he is trying to comply with the order. And I would do it in writing, in MFR format, so that when they court martial him for this, his defense attorney can hold it up as Defense Exhibit A.

That is my suggestion.


-badapple, COL, JA, USAFR

BA has a fan

Probably a damn jarhead

[dtessada]

Thank you for all the advice... Some of it was very helpful in answering my questions.


On the other hand there are a few of you have had my intentions wrong from the beginning. I specifically stated in my original post that I DID NOT want to do anything to my husband that would in any way put his career in jepardy. I am not that type of person. IF screwing him and his career is what I wanted to do, I have enough proof to do so, but I haven't and won't stoop to that level. I could care less what his living situation is as far as we go. My ONLY concern was if his chain of command found out, what would happen. I know what my children will lose out on if they do. I have no intention of taking that from them. That is something that he will do to them on his own if it gets to that point.

Thank you again for the helpful information.

[marine]

...now.....go spank him in court!