CSM personal vendetta, or am I in the wrong?

[swelp]

CA

I don't know what to do. I'm an E5 with 2 1/2 years of flawless service. I deployed once to Iraq, even though the doctor advised against it for a high-risk pregnancy (my wife's). My then-chain-of-command told us both that I had to go. Now, we are facing another deployment. Before this even came up, my wife was facing extreme emotional issues. She was kidnapped (cooerced) and raped by her boyfriend over 8 years ago, and has only recently started dealing with the issues. She refused therapy because the last one tried to commit her, and suggested she move in with the rapist in order to give the resulting child (her oldest) a father. She has finally started going and is diagnosed depressed and bipolar, and has two suicide attempts. Sometimes, she can't even care for our children.
Today, I have the BG CSM yelling at me telling me that he might put me out of the army because I'm on rear detatchment to deal with this. He said that the doesn't like me, and is suspicious.
I think that he's just resentful because he had to fight and fight to pull me from my last unit, and I have been doing an additional duty that is not my MOS. He says that I should owe most of my enlistment bonus back.
Can he do this?

[fozzy2]

The simple answer is: No. He can't simply kick you out of the military, or make you pay any bonus back. If he really doesn't like you, however, he can "grease the wheels" so that you end up getting kicked out, or whatever.

It sounds like he is just venting, or might not really believe you warrant any kind of hardship exception. I would make certain that your wife's problems are fully documented by the military and that you complete any necessary paperwork, etc. for hardship or other consideration. In other words, if you got to miss deployment just because your command did a "wink and nod" they could always change their mind. But if you've gone through proper channels, and received the Army's formal dispensation, then your CSM doesn't have much to say. Your CSM may bitch up a storm if you have to miss a deployment, but in the end a decision of whether or not you have to deploy and whether or not you are wanted in the army -- are made at paygrades well above his. There is a reason the Army has policies that can exempt people from deployment. Use them if you need them.

[swelp]

Originally Posted by fozzy2

The simple answer is: No. He can't simply kick you out of the military, or make you pay any bonus back. If he really doesn't like you, however, he can "grease the wheels" so that you end up getting kicked out, or whatever.

It sounds like he is just venting, or might not really believe you warrant any kind of hardship exception. I would make certain that your wife's problems are fully documented by the military and that you complete any necessary paperwork, etc. for hardship or other consideration. In other words, if you got to miss deployment just because your command did a "wink and nod" they could always change their mind. But if you've gone through proper channels, and received the Army's formal dispensation, then your CSM doesn't have much to say. Your CSM may bitch up a storm if you have to miss a deployment, but in the end a decision of whether or not you have to deploy and whether or not you are wanted in the army -- are made at paygrades well above his. There is a reason the Army has policies that can exempt people from deployment. Use them if you need them.

wow, thanks- that helps. We have her diagnosis (bipolar and clinical depression), plus one of the suicide attempts is documented by the military hospital. My focus was never "proof", but getting her help. What do I need to get?

edit: also, what consitutes "formal dispensation"?

[fozzy2]

Originally Posted by swelp

wow, thanks- that helps. We have her diagnosis (bipolar and clinical depression), plus one of the suicide attempts is documented by the military hospital. My focus was never "proof", but getting her help. What do I need to get?

edit: also, what consitutes "formal dispensation"?

By "formal dispensation" I just meant some type of official military program. For example, have you heard of the "Exceptional Family Member" program? It helps identify dependents (spouses, children, etc.) who need special medical or other resources, so the Army can make certain they are only sent places that have the proper support. You may wish to check out the following web page:

[url]http://www.militaryhomefront.dod.mil/portal/page/itc/MHF/MHF_HOME_1?section_id=20.40.500.570.0.0.0.0.0[/url]

It links to many useful pages, including a DoD wide directory of special family centers/counselors who can provide specific assistance with whatever your situation is.

[swelp]

Originally Posted by fozzy2

By "formal dispensation" I just meant some type of official military program. For example, have you heard of the "Exceptional Family Member" program? It helps identify dependents (spouses, children, etc.) who need special medical or other resources, so the Army can make certain they are only sent places that have the proper support. You may wish to check out the following web page:

[url]http://www.militaryhomefront.dod.mil/portal/page/itc/MHF/MHF_HOME_1?section_id=20.40.500.570.0.0.0.0.0[/url]

It links to many useful pages, including a DoD wide directory of special family centers/counselors who can provide specific assistance with whatever your situation is.

Thank you for that link, I will check it out.
She's being processed for EFMP- we just need her new tharapist to sign off on the EFMP paperwork.
I don't know- I understand that there's a lot of folks that just try to abuse the system. I wish that I were one of them- it's harder when it's real.