Divorce & BAH Help?

[misstawny]

I'm in California, my husband is in Virginia. He's in the US Navy and I'm a civilian.

Basically, I'm going through a somewhat dramatic divorce right now. My "husband" and I separated in late September 2008. I moved to my hometown in California while he stayed in our rented home in Virginia.

In late November '08 I flew back to Virginia to straighten some things out with him and my former employer. We stayed "separated" but were living in the same residence. We did not share a bedroom, we did not have sex. My plan was to move to California in March of '09 once I got all my belongings/finances in order.

Long story short, I met a guy and said guy was moving to California in January of '09 and asked if I wanted to ride with him (he was driving from VA to CA) I said sure.

So, my husband and I decided it would be best if we signed a separation agreement before I left, since it would be too hard to do so if I were in California. And we did. The agreement was that I would not recieve any monetary support, he would keep both vehicles and I would keep all the furniture. Also, he was supposed to file for divorce in Virginia in June.

Fast forward to today. It's August. He still hasn't filed, and I had been on his ass since June about filing. I finally decided I would go ahead and file in California two weeks ago. I filled out the papers for a Summary Dissolution and mailed them to him.

Another long story short, and he is refusing to sign any papers.

What I need to know now is, can I go to his command and bust him for BAH fraud? Since January he's been getting BAH and we've been separated. I was told that half of his BAH is "mine" (which I don't want) but I have not seen a dime from him. Throughout this whole divorce I told myself that I did not want to be a b*tch, I did not want to get him in trouble, and I did not want to involve lawyers. But it's getting to a point where he won't even give me the divorce papers I want and he's not supporting me, but still getting an extra $1200 a month on a legal technicality.

Can I strip that away from him? But here's where it gets messy-- my current boyfriend, the one I drove to California with? Surprise, he's Active Duty military, he'll be switching to reserves May 18 2010. I didn't know he was military until we'd already officially started a relationship. I'd never bothered asking, and he thought I'd be turned off by him being in the military (he was right, lol, but now I'd never leave him for all the tea in China!)

So. If I go to "husband's" command to try and bust him for BAH fraud, can my boyfriend get in trouble with the UCMJ or whatever it is for being with a married woman? Because I'd hate for that to happen. He's got a completely impeccible service record, always gets high marks on evals and has never even been late for work. Husband, on the other hand, gets average to below-average evals, is constantly late for work, and is a lazy worker. If anyone deserves to be screwed in this situation, it's "husband". He was emotionally and physically abusive (and I have photographic as well as eyewitness evidence) and he was financially abusive to me throughout our marriage. He would eat at the galley, we would never have groceries, and he'd hoard all the money. My friends would have to cook me dinner. Finally I got a job and was able to support myself enough, but he started trying to hoard that money as well (which is why I ended up going to California in late September)

I just want to know if it's possible to get him in trouble for BAH fraud without getting my current boyfriend in trouble for having a relationship with me..?

[ERAUPIKE]

Originally Posted by misstawny

I'm in California, my husband is in Virginia. He's in the US Navy and I'm a civilian.

Basically, I'm going through a somewhat dramatic divorce right now. My "husband" and I separated in late September 2008. I moved to my hometown in California while he stayed in our rented home in Virginia.

In late November '08 I flew back to Virginia to straighten some things out with him and my former employer. We stayed "separated" but were living in the same residence. We did not share a bedroom, we did not have sex. My plan was to move to California in March of '09 once I got all my belongings/finances in order.

Long story short, I met a guy and said guy was moving to California in January of '09 and asked if I wanted to ride with him (he was driving from VA to CA) I said sure.

So, my husband and I decided it would be best if we signed a separation agreement before I left, since it would be too hard to do so if I were in California. And we did. The agreement was that I would not recieve any monetary support, he would keep both vehicles and I would keep all the furniture. Also, he was supposed to file for divorce in Virginia in June.

Fast forward to today. It's August. He still hasn't filed, and I had been on his ass since June about filing. I finally decided I would go ahead and file in California two weeks ago. I filled out the papers for a Summary Dissolution and mailed them to him.

Another long story short, and he is refusing to sign any papers.

What I need to know now is, can I go to his command and bust him for BAH fraud? Since January he's been getting BAH and we've been separated. I was told that half of his BAH is "mine" (which I don't want) but I have not seen a dime from him. Throughout this whole divorce I told myself that I did not want to be a b*tch, I did not want to get him in trouble, and I did not want to involve lawyers. But it's getting to a point where he won't even give me the divorce papers I want and he's not supporting me, but still getting an extra $1200 a month on a legal technicality.

Can I strip that away from him? But here's where it gets messy-- my current boyfriend, the one I drove to California with? Surprise, he's Active Duty military, he'll be switching to reserves May 18 2010. I didn't know he was military until we'd already officially started a relationship. I'd never bothered asking, and he thought I'd be turned off by him being in the military (he was right, lol, but now I'd never leave him for all the tea in China!)

So. If I go to "husband's" command to try and bust him for BAH fraud, can my boyfriend get in trouble with the UCMJ or whatever it is for being with a married woman? Because I'd hate for that to happen. He's got a completely impeccible service record, always gets high marks on evals and has never even been late for work. Husband, on the other hand, gets average to below-average evals, is constantly late for work, and is a lazy worker. If anyone deserves to be screwed in this situation, it's "husband". He was emotionally and physically abusive (and I have photographic as well as eyewitness evidence) and he was financially abusive to me throughout our marriage. He would eat at the galley, we would never have groceries, and he'd hoard all the money. My friends would have to cook me dinner. Finally I got a job and was able to support myself enough, but he started trying to hoard that money as well (which is why I ended up going to California in late September)

I just want to know if it's possible to get him in trouble for BAH fraud without getting my current boyfriend in trouble for having a relationship with me..?

He is not committing BAH fraud but he would have an obligation to support you until you are divorced. I say he would, because your separation agreement, by your admission, stated you would receive no financial help from him. Once he is divorced, he will no longer receive married BAH or any other extra monies from the Navy. This is likely the reason he is dragging his feet. That or he is mad you left with your boyfriend so quickly. (I don't buy your story at all.)

You may call his command and request that they get involved with helping you to obtain a divorce. Be aware that if you are demanding and rude, you can expect zero help. Explain the situation as it pretains to you and your husband. Leave the boyfriend out of it, it is irrelevant. Leave the abuse out, it is irrelevant, unless they ask why you are pursuing a divorce. Call his command and ask to talk to his LPO, and keep working your way up the chain of command until someone helps you out. His chain of command will appreciate this and you will make much more progress this way. If you meet heavy resistance from his enlisted chain of command, which tends to happen, call the quarterdeck and ask to speak with the Officer of the Day. Inform the OOD of the situation and request to speak with your husbands Division Officer. You will find that the educated service members are less likely to sweep things under the rug.

If your husband truly is as worthless as you have stated, you should meet no resistance from his supervisors. Best of luck.

[dad43]

haha....2 things the navy will tell you

#1-the usmc/navy ratio during divorce/separation is 1/3 of the members gross pay(including bah) and it goes up with children, but this is just for a spouse.
here's your reference, as per the milpers manual....

[url]http://www.mfr.usmc.mil/HQ/Chaplains/Instructions/MILPERSMAN%201754-010%20SEA%20LEGS%20FAMILY%20SUPPORT%20PROGRAM.pdf[/url]

If the member feels that they have grounds for a waiver
of support of their spouse, Director, Dependency Claims, Navy
Military Pay Operations, DFAS, acting under the policy guidance
of Navy Personnel Command (NAVPERSCOM), may grant such a waiver
for support of a spouse, but not children, on the basis of
evidence of desertion without cause, physical abuse, or for
infidelity on the part of the spouse.
#2-your husband can request a waiver sent to dfas, because you left him, especially with another man. also, i do hope your new man is not military, b/c separated or not, your hubby and his command can do a WHOLE lot of hurtin to this boy, if they want to. even though you signed a statement before he left, it won't matter, b/c you were already with the man when you left.
that reference is also mentioned in the above link...

it is only bah fraud, if the member does not turn in his divorce papers, or if he claims persons he is technically unable to claim, OR is in a "contract marriage"...

[misstawny]

Originally Posted by ERAUPIKE

He is not committing BAH fraud but he would have an obligation to support you until you are divorced. I say he would, because your separation agreement, by your admission, stated you would receive no financial help from him. Once he is divorced, he will no longer receive married BAH or any other extra monies from the Navy. This is likely the reason he is dragging his feet. That or he is mad you left with your boyfriend so quickly. (I don't buy your story at all.)

You may call his command and request that they get involved with helping you to obtain a divorce. Be aware that if you are demanding and rude, you can expect zero help. Explain the situation as it pretains to you and your husband. Leave the boyfriend out of it, it is irrelevant. Leave the abuse out, it is irrelevant, unless they ask why you are pursuing a divorce. Call his command and ask to talk to his LPO, and keep working your way up the chain of command until someone helps you out. His chain of command will appreciate this and you will make much more progress this way. If you meet heavy resistance from his enlisted chain of command, which tends to happen, call the quarterdeck and ask to speak with the Officer of the Day. Inform the OOD of the situation and request to speak with your husbands Division Officer. You will find that the educated service members are less likely to sweep things under the rug.

If your husband truly is as worthless as you have stated, you should meet no resistance from his supervisors. Best of luck.

Thank you for all your advice!

To the first bolded: I highly doubt it has anything to do with that.. He's been just dating as long as I've been dating.. He just hasn't held a relationship.

To the second bolded: I never planned on telling his command about the abuse, UNLESS he tried to pull a fast one on me or my boyfriend.

Also, I would never, ever be demanding and rude. I'm definitely NOT stupid, and I've dealt with the military my whole life, and I know that demanding and rude gets you absolutely no where.

But thank you for all the wonderful advice, I'll definitely be contacting his supervisor to find out who his LPO is. I know his Chief but thought that starting so far up the food chain might be pointless, as I've found that the Navy likes to delegate to the lowest possible rank.....

[misstawny]

Originally Posted by dad43

haha....2 things the navy will tell you

#1-the usmc/navy ratio during divorce/separation is 1/3 of the members gross pay(including bah) and it goes up with children, but this is just for a spouse.
here's your reference, as per the milpers manual....

[url]http://www.mfr.usmc.mil/HQ/Chaplains/Instructions/MILPERSMAN%201754-010%20SEA%20LEGS%20FAMILY%20SUPPORT%20PROGRAM.pdf[/url]

If the member feels that they have grounds for a waiver
of support of their spouse, Director, Dependency Claims, Navy
Military Pay Operations, DFAS, acting under the policy guidance
of Navy Personnel Command (NAVPERSCOM), may grant such a waiver
for support of a spouse, but not children, on the basis of
evidence of desertion without cause, physical abuse, or for
infidelity on the part of the spouse.
#2-your husband can request a waiver sent to dfas, because you left him, especially with another man. also, i do hope your new man is not military, b/c separated or not, your hubby and his command can do a WHOLE lot of hurtin to this boy, if they want to. even though you signed a statement before he left, it won't matter, b/c you were already with the man when you left.
that reference is also mentioned in the above link...

it is only bah fraud, if the member does not turn in his divorce papers, or if he claims persons he is technically unable to claim, OR is in a "contract marriage"...

Wow. Either I didn't clarify right or you guys didn't read it correctly. I didn't leave with another man. We were both dating other people at the time, mine just happened to turn into a relationship.

My boyfriend talked to his LPO. She told him that as long as there is no proof (which there isn't...) then he should be fine. He's a really great sailor and his command loves him. He's always getting great evals. He's got more time in than my ex. His Chief and LPO both would stick up for him. His command is smaller and very close knit. I'm not too worried about him, and he's not worried at all. In fact, he's the one who suggested I notify my ex's command about the BAH fiasco.

Also to clarify, I don't WANT ex's BAH money. At all. I'm financially independent and definitely don't want any ties to him at all, especially financially. I just don't want HIM to benefit from it, since he's being a Grade A douche about the whole divorce/separation and isn't signing papers.

[dad43]

Originally Posted by misstawny

My boyfriend talked to his LPO. She told him that as long as there is no proof (which there isn't...) then he should be fine.

your boyfriends LPO would not state anything like this, if there wasn't the possiblity of your husband retaliating.

also, you have the ability to serve your husband through his command. my wife did it, it was the only way she could get someone to actually TAKE the documents. she served them to his Gunny Sgt, and he signed as having recieved them.

also, this

Long story short, I met a guy and said guy was moving to California in January of '09 and asked if I wanted to ride with him (he was driving from VA to CA) I said sure.

makes it sound to your husband, and his command, that you left with another man. so does this

I didn't leave with another man. We were both dating other people at the time, mine just happened to turn into a relationship.

the 2 quotes contradict. (OR i'm misunderstanding...especially since you're now in a relationship with this sailor)

unless your husband speaks to his command about a $ issue, what's the point of pursuing it? his benes will stop once your divorce goes through. it's only fraud if he never turns in the divorce papers and keeps collecting benes. at which point, as soon as you get a copy of your divorce papers, you can always take them to your husbands command, or if you aren't there, you can send a copy to his LPO at the shop address. NOT to your husband, to his LPO. as for delegating to lower enlisted, it's a military thing, sh** rolls downhill first, and if something gets messed up, it starts rolling up

[la_brown09]

ah! im going through the same thing! kind of, except.. im pregnant by bf, and he is only in basic as of yet.
Im not sure if the seperation agreement counts for anything, buttttt.. i took the liberty to call my husbands co. And, yes. according to the military he is obligated to send me 275$ every pay day(1st and the 15th) which i believe comes out to be about half of what he gets monthly.. around 1100-1200. Also, i let his co know that i wanted a divorce that he wouldnt grant me. Needless to say they gave him one week to give them proof that divorce papers were being worked on , and ... they are monitoring the money he is sending now.
its amazing the motivation they find once their co is involoved. Apparently , not supporting your spouse is not looked upon highly in the military.
i would encourage you to call!

[dad43]

Originally Posted by la_brown09

ah! im going through the same thing! kind of, except.. im pregnant by bf, and he is only in basic as of yet.
Im not sure if the seperation agreement counts for anything, buttttt.. i took the liberty to call my husbands co. And, yes. according to the military he is obligated to send me 275$ every pay day(1st and the 15th) which i believe comes out to be about half of what he gets monthly.. around 1100-1200. Also, i let his co know that i wanted a divorce that he wouldnt grant me. Needless to say they gave him one week to give them proof that divorce papers were being worked on , and ... they are monitoring the money he is sending now.
its amazing the motivation they find once their co is involoved. Apparently , not supporting your spouse is not looked upon highly in the military.
i would encourage you to call!

OP, please do not take this woman's advice...do not try to relate to her. she is DELIBERATELY misusing funds(in my opinion), AND she has falsely allowed her husband to be forced into giving her money...if you're trying to do this correctly, the above poster is definitely NOT a refernce you need to follow...