Former Marine Father and Veterans Administration?

[MarkinMD]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland

Hello good folks. My Father is a former Marine that's never talked about his service so I'm guessing he was Military Police that was never deployed to actual battle. He's a tough as nails son of a gun that refuses anyones help and his business is no one elses business.

My Father and Mother own practically nothing. No property or any other assets or valuables. My Mother has been diagnosed with Dementia and my Father claims there's little or no help that the Veterans administration can offer him. I'm guessing this isn't true and is more of Marine wall he puts up so no one else can penetrate his barrier.

Being a former Marine that saw no actual battle, is he eligible for legal help, medical help or burial help for himself or my mother? My mother was his spouse at the time he served.

Thanks in advance for any help or guidance you can offer. It's greatly appreciated. What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[SCMommy78]

Is he a member of the VFW any of those groups?

He is absolutely entitled to burial benefits! Although I'm not sure about health care benefits. You'll have to check on that. Take a look at the VA website. U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs

I know they will need his DD-214 and most likely his medical records. Dig around on the VA site and see if you can come up with a contact on there. I wish I could be more help but I'm just starting the VA process myself. It will be difficult to get benefits for your dad is he won't accept them though. Good luck!

 

[MarkinMD]

Thanks for the reply SCMommy78.

He's not a member of a VFW or any other group. I looked into the Department of Veteran Affairs a little over a year ago and printed for my Father all kinds of information and forms. He claimed he's not eligible for anything because he was never in battle.

My Father is a very proud man and it's greatly embarrassing for him to reach out for any type of help. I posed the question to get second opinions before we approach him about getting more serious about all of it.

He may need legal help getting Power of Attorney for my Mother. He's also at the age where things are eventually going to begin happening to him medically. If my Mother were to pass away before my Father, she'd get his burial plot, leaving him with no burial plot.

My parents have both worked hard all of their lives, but they're another one of those elderly couples that have suffered from expensive medical bills and whatnots, that have left them just about stranded. My Father is too proud to ask for help from anyone and the rest of the family really can't afford to help any more then we already are. It just seems that the more we try to help, nothing gets any better.

I'd love for him to check into what help is available from the VA, but he won't. I'm wondering what he may be eligible for so I can try convincing him he is eligible. If that makes any sense.

 

[Shadowbunny]

Your best bet is to go to the VA's website (Guide to VA.org & Near Misses) and research his potential eligibility, or call their toll free number. Eligibility is different depending on when he served (Vietnam Era, Korean War, Gulf War veterans all have different eligibility rules than non-war time vets). You can also talk to a VA benefits counselor in person if there's a VA hospital near you.

 

[ERAUPIKE]

Thanks for the reply SCMommy78.

He\\\'s not a member of a VFW or any other group. I looked into the Department of Veteran Affairs a little over a year ago and printed for my Father all kinds of information and forms. He claimed he\\\'s not eligible for anything because he was never in battle.

My Father is a very proud man and it\\\'s greatly embarrassing for him to reach out for any type of help. I posed the question to get second opinions before we approach him about getting more serious about all of it.

He may need legal help getting Power of Attorney for my Mother. He\\\'s also at the age where things are eventually going to begin happening to him medically. If my Mother were to pass away before my Father, she\\\'d get his burial plot, leaving him with no burial plot.

My parents have both worked hard all of their lives, but they\\\'re another one of those elderly couples that have suffered from expensive medical bills and whatnots, that have left them just about stranded. My Father is too proud to ask for help from anyone and the rest of the family really can\\\'t afford to help any more then we already are. It just seems that the more we try to help, nothing gets any better.

I\\\'d love for him to check into what help is available from the VA, but he won\\\'t. I\\\'m wondering what he may be eligible for so I can try convincing him he is eligible. If that makes any sense.

If your father does not meet specific eligibility requirements regarding his type or length of service, then he is correct. The easiest way to determine his eligibility is to visit the closest VA center and apply for benefits.

Your father did serve, so if he selected the option for a military funeral, then he can be buried at a military cemetery. There are several public assistance options available for non-veterans that your father may be eligible for.

Many law schools require their students do pro bono work as part of their degree program. These schools also may offer legal workshops that can help you get the legal assistance you need. Power of Attorney is a pretty straight forward process. You could probably find the documents you need on a legal website for a small fee. If your mother has dementia and your father is getting up in age, you may want to explore the option of drafting a living will that will name a custodian for both, at such time that neither has the capacity to make sound decisions.

You may want to take your father by an American Legion or a VFW. You could also bring him by an event sponsored by these groups, where you can have the members approach him and discuss his options for membership. You could even gift him a lifetime membership to either group, there are plenty of options for you.

There are also Marine Corps specific veterans groups that may be able to help. My father-in-law is pretty active in these groups, if you would like to send me some more information, I can see if he can help you in any way. How long and when did your father serve? Do you have a copy of his DD-214? Where are you located? You can reply to these questions in a PM, if you are more comfortable with that.

I hope that this and any future assistance I can give you will help ease the concern you may have.

 

[MarkinMD]

Thanks you for replying ERAUPIKE. That's great information.

I appreciate your offer to send information. I may consider your help if I can't find anything local. My parents live quite a way from my location so checking out VFW's or Marine specific veterans group in their area may be difficult. I'll look around online and see what resources are available.

The law school legal workshop is a great idea too. Thank you so much for that idea.

My father has never talked about his service so no one in the family has ever seen a document of any kind. We know he's a former Marine and likely military police, but that's about all there is to it.

I don't want it to appear like my Father is a strange person, but he and my Mother live in the middle of the woods. They don't socialise. They have no close friends. They're just stuck with each other and in a boring routine that really gets to my Mother. My Father has things to keep him occupied, but my Mother is always sort of the tag along. We'd like to see that change!!! I honestly believe with her mind being idle and having no close female friends to talk to, it's not good for her beginning stage dementia.

We're also worried about my Father. He's a rigid old fart but he has a fragile side. Especially if something happened to my Mother. She's really all he's ever known. We, their children would just like to see a gradual change, some stimulating activity and socialisation with other people because their old ways don't seem to be working any more.

We're also worried about them financially, but that's another thing my Father refuses to discuss with the rest of the family. It's not normal because at their age we want to help them plan for a few things. Again, Thank You So Much for everyone's replies.

 

[commentator]

Quote:"He claimed he's not eligible for anything because he was never in battle."

A great many servicemen who did not go into actual battle are considered to be just as legitimately veterans and just as legitimately entitled to benefits. Honestly, he should know this if he was ever in the military. The VA representative for his area can even help him obtain that DD-214, (discharge papers) that he needs to establish eligibility for everything.

Tell your father that there's also such a thing as being too "stupid stubborn" as well as being "too proud" to ask for help. Is he receiving his Social Security and Medicare benefits? Then why is he not willing to check to make sure he doesn't qualify for more things very legitimately on the basis of his military service?

Is it possible that your father really wasn't in the service? That perhaps his stories to you about being a former Marine are not accurate? Or that perhaps he was dishonorably discharged? This could explain his reluctance to go further with this. When are we talking about? Is this WWII, Korean conflict, Vietnam era? What approximate dates of service, even if just your guess? Veterans representatives see this all the time, deal constantly with people who do not have their paperwork, know very little about the system. It certainly isn't welfare,and shouldn't be anything he's ashamed of recieiving or just investigating unless he's hiding something from the rest of you.

 

[Zigner]

Quote:"He claimed he's not eligible for anything because he was never in battle."

A great many servicemen who did not go into actual battle are considered to be just as legitimately veterans and just as legitimately entitled to benefits. Honestly, he should know this if he was ever in the military. The VA representative for his area can even help him obtain that DD-214, (discharge papers) that he needs to establish eligibility for everything.

Tell your father that there's also such a thing as being too "stupid stubborn" as well as being "too proud" to ask for help. Is he receiving his Social Security and Medicare benefits? Then why is he not willing to check to make sure he doesn't qualify for more things very legitimately on the basis of his military service?

Is it possible that your father really wasn't in the service? That perhaps his stories to you about being a former Marine are not accurate? Or that perhaps he was dishonorably discharged? This could explain his reluctance to go further with this. When are we talking about? Is this WWII, Korean conflict, Vietnam era? What approximate dates of service, even if just your guess? Veterans representatives see this all the time, deal constantly with people who do not have their paperwork, know very little about the system. It certainly isn't welfare,and shouldn't be anything he's ashamed of recieiving or just investigating unless he's hiding something from the rest of you.

It's also possible that he is fully aware that he is not a combat veteran and knows about the benefits that are available (or not) to him. That's not to say that he shouldn't look AGAIN because there may have been changes since he last inquired.


(Not meant as "snarky" - just pointing it out )

 

[MarkinMD]

Thanks for the replies folks.

I had a Christmas party about 9 years ago and invited my boss, a former Marine. He and my Father talked in the kitchen for quite a while and the next day my boss told me that my Father really didn't say much but he guessed my Father was Marine Military Police. I know my Father was stationed in Japan in the 1960's? That's all I know. He's never talked about it.

Yes, he receives social security and he has medic-something? He has some type of supplemental insurance through AAA. His social security is just enough to pay his rent. He has to work to pay other bills and to have living expenses. He's close to 80 years old so it's a shame.

We've tried to tell him it's not welfare and he has paid into it all just as much as everyone else has, but he's just too damn proud I guess. Some day we'll find a way of getting past his barrier. I just hope then that it's not too late because it takes time to get the ball rolling.

Thanks again for all the replies.

 

[Gail in Georgia]

The attached discusses Priority Groups eligible for health care at VA facilities:

VA Health Care Eligibility | Military.com

VA Medical Centers and Clinics typically have Benefits Counselors available to provide information on available health care resources for vets.

Gail

 

[Ladyback1]

Just a thought, based on my personal experience with an uncle that served in Vietnam: He has an intense and severe distrust of the VA and/or Veteran services due to the stuff he saw, did, experienced while "in country"...

So, if he served in Vietnam--he may be bitter and angry. Some PTSD stuff going on.