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Fraternization

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KayeM

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota
I am at my wits end and I am not really sure what to do. My husband and I have talked separation but have not signed any paperwork yet nor taken any legal action. In the meantime he has a girlfriend. She is someone who he works with and is a lower rank than himself. I have evidence of them fraternizing (a picture of them kissing, txts that he has sent her using a gov. cell phone, fb messages). My husband found out that I knew and threatened that if I told anyone about it that he would pull my allotment so won't have any money. He takes the car so I am not able to get the groceries I need, saying that the car is his. Last night he got into a minor accident on his way home from his girlfriends house and totaled the front of our car. He has threatened to bring his girlfriend by the house so they could "bully" me into submission and do what they want me to do. He emotionally abuses me all the time, telling me how worthless I am and then laughs and says I don't have it in me to tell. He told me no one would believe me if I told because he is well liked in his command. In the event if that was the case and I did tell on him, he said he would cancel my allotment and run away to Mexico so he wouldn't have to pay me a dime. As we are currently living in Sicily I really don't know how this is a possibility, but he is threatening it. So do I take the high road and not do anything or do I take legal action and if I do what course should I take?

Thanks,

Kaye
 

milmom

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota
I am at my wits end and I am not really sure what to do. My husband and I have talked separation but have not signed any paperwork yet nor taken any legal action. In the meantime he has a girlfriend. She is someone who he works with and is a lower rank than himself. I have evidence of them fraternizing (a picture of them kissing, txts that he has sent her using a gov. cell phone, fb messages). My husband found out that I knew and threatened that if I told anyone about it that he would pull my allotment so won't have any money. He takes the car so I am not able to get the groceries I need, saying that the car is his. Last night he got into a minor accident on his way home from his girlfriends house and totaled the front of our car. He has threatened to bring his girlfriend by the house so they could "bully" me into submission and do what they want me to do. He emotionally abuses me all the time, telling me how worthless I am and then laughs and says I don't have it in me to tell. He told me no one would believe me if I told because he is well liked in his command. In the event if that was the case and I did tell on him, he said he would cancel my allotment and run away to Mexico so he wouldn't have to pay me a dime. As we are currently living in Sicily I really don't know how this is a possibility, but he is threatening it. So do I take the high road and not do anything or do I take legal action and if I do what course should I take?

Thanks,

Kaye
His chain of command can force him to continue to support you until a court decides if and how much support he must provide you. This is whether or not he's committing adultery or "fraternization." Just for clarification fraternization in the military is a relationship between a commissioned or warrant officer and an enlisted member. If they are both officers, or both enlisted then it isn't fraternization. It could possibly be an unprofessional relationship, but depends on the circumstances. Prosecution for adultery in the military requires three elements of proof, (1) That the accused wrongfully had sexual intercourse with a certain person; (2) That, at the time, the accused or the other person was married to someone else; and (3) That, under the circumstances, the conduct of the accused was to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces or was of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces.

So you probably wouldn't be able to get him in trouble for anything other than the unprofessional relationship. His command could issue a no contact order between him and his lady friend. He may even be punished. If your end goal is to see him in trouble, you could contact his first sergeant, but keep in mind if he does end up in trouble he could lose pay, and if you're depending on him to support you ultimately it could affect you. Also, we're in the middle of a drawn down across services, and this could be the end of his career. Again, whether or not that matters to you, or affects your end goal, I don't know, but is something to consider. If you're relying on him for support you'd probably like him to continue receiving a pay check.

I'm not defending his actions, just giving you some information. What you should probably do is contact legal and ask if they can offer any assistance in filing for divorce, or at least getting an application for early return of dependents so the military will pay for your return to the states. You can also seek out the chaplain for help (even if you aren't religious) or militaryonesource.com for many options to seek help and support.
 

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