military divorce and bah questions

[milwif]

What is the name of your state?GA

I am a civilian and my husband is in the army. We were married just a few weeks before he left for Iraq. I am starting to think he married me for the extra money (bah and family separation). I could be wrong and things will work out but if not I want to be prepared.
My husband does not want me to spend any of his paycheck. Ex, I wrote a check from our joint account to pay the electric bill, he checked his bank account online and sent me an email saying, if he were home he would have the electricity cut off so that I learn to appreciate it. This was the only bill I paid from his account that month. I think he is trying to let me know not to touch his money without saying it directly. Also, when we began to have marital problems, his family suggested that I be taken off his checking account and they take over paying his bills. I was under the impression the bah was for housing, so if we are married and this is "our" house, shouldn't part of his paycheck be used to pay our bills? While in Iraq, my husband has created several profiles on singles websites and written another woman telling her she was "the only woman he would ever love". Thus, I have come to the conclusion, he married me for the extra money. I do not need his money I make alot more than he does, and can easily pay my/our? bills on my own, I just don't want to be used. My questions are-
1) am I legally entitled to any of the bah? if so, how much?
2) I came into this marriage owning a home, if we divorce, can he try to take my house? I have been advised (friends not attorneys) to quitclaim my house to a relative or have a relative put a lien on my house. Is this good advice? Also, I printed and saved copies of the profiles and emails I mentioned above, would that help to stop him from taking my house?
3) I don't think I would ever do this but could I file for divorce while he is in Iraq? Could the divorce be finalized?
If he just wants the money I want to stop him from being paid extra.
I have poa so could I divorce myself using the poa!lol!
any advice is appreciated, thanks
I think he is a good guy so hopefully this is all some sort of Iraq/combat induced psychosis and I won't need this advice but I have to be prepared.

you say he is a good guy. what kind of good guy/husband puts his profile on the net for other girls and tells one she will be the only one he loves, when he is married. First of all, it depends on how long you were married if he could try to take your house. Im not trying to be an ass, but you need to s****** up. This guy is taking advantage of you. Do yourself a favor, call a CIVILIAN lawyer who deals with land and house transactions, ask him about putting it in someones name besides yours, like add your mom/dad to the deed, so they are part owner. you can do that. You need to divorce this bumble head. His parents say they will pay the bills and take you off the checking b/c you paid for the electric, come on. tell them to shove it you know where. Basically your gonna do what you want, but it is pretty obvious he is using you. If he says that he is not, then question him about the internet love profiles and see what his reaction is. Ask him if he loves you, why he is talking to other people and getting mad about the electric bill. What i love about your story is the stupidity of this: You pay the electric bill, and he says he would have it shut off to make you apprectiate it. well what i dont understand is, how does paying the bill, make you not appreciate it. That is just another example of how stupid some people really are, like your husband.( no offense to you), but thats the only thing he could think of instead of saying dont spend my money.

[fozzy2]

I'd suggest getting a divorce attorney as soon as possible. In a situation like this you really need to begin protecting your assets. If you are not careful, however, you won't be "protecting" them but rather "hiding" them -- a distinction that can cost you dearly. For example, I have doubts about the advice to quitclaim your house. I have a feeling that any court would see it as a rather transparent attempt to hide assets, and it wouldn't seem to offer much protection at this point. Divorce laws vary greatly from state to state, and with assets like a house to protect better safe than sorry.

[opus05]

His BAH is SUPPOSE to go towards rent AND utilities....so, tell him to shove it and then go take more money out to pay all the utilities....what's he gonna do, tell his CO that his wife took his money to keep the power on?

Could you please explain why you are with this man? You make more than him, so it's not like you couldn't make it on your own. He's only going to get worse.

[milwif]

Thanks for all the advice. I love how I can get personal/marital and legal advice in one forum! The responses to my post opened my eyes.

I never thought about "hiding" vs. "protecting" my assets. Any advice on how to choose a good divorce attorney?

revere787-your not being an ass by telling me to smarten up, I appreciate the truth

If I file for divorce when he get back, we will have been married for 14-16 months. What impact does the short duration have?

I have been told Georgia is a community property state and that this means once your married everything is 50-50. Is this true? How does that impact a divorce?

I have also been told a judge will look at what each party came into the marriage with. I had a house I have already paid off and he brought a car worth around $2000 and about $15,000 worth of debt. Will that be taken into consideration?

Most of his debt has been paid off by now. I started reading and learning about the military online after he left because I felt so clueless. I read about the SSRA and was suprised that no one in his family(long line of retired military) had mentioned this to me. I contacted every credit card company/bank/loan shark he owed money to and had his rates reduced. He was paying up to %22. I faxed his orders everywhere and the SSRA reducded them to under 6. If it weren't for me he still be close to $15,000 in debt. But he doesn't understand that. His family wouldn't have done that for him but when I pay an electric bill, it's time for them to take over the bills. Sorry, I got off topic. Reading my own post and the replies made me realize how stupid I have been.

question him about the internet love profiles and see what his reaction is
the response I got was, "what? i can't look at porn now? what are you gonna do when I get home, chain me up?"
The scary part is that his insane response didn't surprise me.

why he is talking to other people and getting mad about the electric bill.
"I tell her what she wants to hear" That's strange b/c he initiated the email and her response did not sound like she wanted to hear that she was the only woman he would ever love, it sounded like she wanted him to leave her alone.

He was upset about the electric bill b/c he "was trying to look out for "our" future" and he "has big dreams for us" The guy is delusional.

go take more money out to pay all the utilities
how much should I take? all the bah? half? what is fair?

Could you please explain why you are with this man?
He was going off to war, emotions were running high, we decided to get married spur of the moment. I made a bad mistake and am just now realizing how serious the consequences are.

He's only going to get worse. I've only told a tiny portion, if you only knew the whole story, I don't think it can get any worse. On the bright side, if I come out with my sanity, I can probably write a bestseller.

[DRTDEVL]

Very simple.

The BAH is for the DEPENDENTS, not the service member. You are entitled to pull out 100% of his BAH every month to use towards living expenses, and he can't do a thing about it.

After he returns (and you kick him out), you are STILL entitled to 100% of his BAH until the divorce is final. The BAH belongs to you, not him. The gov't will ensure he has a roof over his head.

[milwif]

After reading the replies to my post, I decided to withdraw the bah from his account and ignore comments/questioning from him and his family. I withdrew the bah, the next day got a nasty email asking what I was doing with "his motha f**kin money", I didn't respond. The next day he emailed saying he had the direct deposit changed to a new account. I'm done feeling guilty and making excuses for his behaivor. Do I contact his CO? or Can I contact someone on base and have it changed with my POA? Thanks again for the previous advice.

[Shay-Pari'e]

Originally Posted by DRTDEVL

Very simple.

The BAH is for the DEPENDENTS, not the service member. You are entitled to pull out 100% of his BAH every month to use towards living expenses, and he can't do a thing about it.

After he returns (and you kick him out), you are STILL entitled to 100% of his BAH until the divorce is final. The BAH belongs to you, not him. The gov't will ensure he has a roof over his head.

Not quite true. The BAH belongs to both, but she can certainly wipe out any account her name is on.

Poster, don't wait for him to get back. File for divorce, take what you need out of the account.

If you truly want to be done with such a controlling dog, **************....Rent another apartment. Cut off all contact. File for the divorce, like yesterday, and move on with your life. Let him respond to the divorce petition, not you.

No one deserves to be treated this way. He does not honor or respect you in any way shape or form.

[Shay-Pari'e]

Originally Posted by milwif

After reading the replies to my post, I decided to withdraw the bah from his account and ignore comments/questioning from him and his family. I withdrew the bah, the next day got a nasty email asking what I was doing with "his motha f**kin money", I didn't respond. The next day he emailed saying he had the direct deposit changed to a new account. I'm done feeling guilty and making excuses for his behaivor. Do I contact his CO? or Can I contact someone on base and have it changed with my POA? Thanks again for the previous advice.

You can certainly contact his CO, if he is changing his allotment. Until you get orders in your hand from a civilian court, the commander can have a little pow wow with the guy.

Get down to the court house and file.

[milwif]

He still has money in the account I access, I can wipe that out, and be done with it without contacting his CO, I didn't think about that before.
If I file for divorce now can he be served while in Iraq? I know he doesn't have to respond b/c of the soldiers relief act but can they atleast serve the papers? Thanks

[DRTDEVL]

Originally Posted by milwif

He still has money in the account I access, I can wipe that out, and be done with it without contacting his CO, I didn't think about that before.
If I file for divorce now can he be served while in Iraq? I know he doesn't have to respond b/c of the soldiers relief act but can they atleast serve the papers? Thanks

I wouldn't go so far as to wipe out his account... That is self-serving at best, and will not help you out in the future.

Report the account change to the Rear Detatchment Commander... He is REQUIRED to provide for his family (aka BAH), and is no longer doing so. He will have to show proof that he has sent you at a minimum the BAH from the check every month until he returns.

Get involved with the FRG as well... While you may not want to air your "dirty laundry" in front of all the spouses, you can seek counsel with the FRG leader (who also has the ear of the RD CO) on how to properly proceed.

[opus05]

are you living in the home you own, or are you living on post?

[milwif]

I am living in the home, not on base.