Soldier wife committed adultery.

[devastated1]

What is the name of your state?VA My wife is currently active duty in Iraq for a 1 year deployment. She is from a national guard transportation unit. She just recently got her 2 week leave to come home and see her family. We were having problems with our marriage prior to this time because of what I thought was money issues. We were talking maybe divorcing when her time was over.But when she got here we got together to talk and one thing led to another and it seemed to me we were back good with each other. I only had one problem. When she checked her e-mails she didnt want me around. So I stayed cool until she went back over. Two days after she went back overseas I checked her e-mails. It turns out that she was messing around with another soldier in Iraq. I died inside. But I kept looking and it turns out shes messing around with 3 guys. One of which is a CPT. As of now she doesnt know I know. Divorce is certain. We have three children whom I am taking care of while she is "serving her country". Anyway, I know it is unusual for a civilian to catch soldiers committing adultery. My question is what will happen to them if I tell her Commander. And what are My rights in this matter? Will I have to get a military lawyer to get a divorce and custody of my kids? Also, if I leave the military out of it and divorce her after she gets back and I use the evidence that I have, can the courts still charge her with military adultery?

[DRTDEVL]

If a complaint/allegation of adultery is made, the CO of her unit is required to investigate.

Print the e-mails out, and forward them to her CO. She will be investigated, and all Soldiers involved will face NJP at a minimum.

The divorce has nothing to do with the military system. You may, however, introduce evidence of the adultery by way of conviction by Courts Martial or by way of NJP (whichever the CO proceeds with). Custody is a completely different situation, best left to the custody forum.

[dms34]

Originally Posted by devastated1

What is the name of your state?VA My wife is currently active duty in Iraq for a 1 year deployment. She is from a national guard transportation unit. She just recently got her 2 week leave to come home and see her family. We were having problems with our marriage prior to this time because of what I thought was money issues. We were talking maybe divorcing when her time was over.But when she got here we got together to talk and one thing led to another and it seemed to me we were back good with each other. I only had one problem. When she checked her e-mails she didnt want me around. So I stayed cool until she went back over. Two days after she went back overseas I checked her e-mails. It turns out that she was messing around with another soldier in Iraq. I died inside. But I kept looking and it turns out shes messing around with 3 guys. One of which is a CPT. As of now she doesnt know I know. Divorce is certain. We have three children whom I am taking care of while she is "serving her country". Anyway, I know it is unusual for a civilian to catch soldiers committing adultery. My question is what will happen to them if I tell her Commander. And what are My rights in this matter? Will I have to get a military lawyer to get a divorce and custody of my kids? Also, if I leave the military out of it and divorce her after she gets back and I use the evidence that I have, can the courts still charge her with military adultery?

I can only attempt to answer some of your questions. Military lawyers do not handle divorce. Of course the can give advice and explain the laws and your rights. Adultry in the military is not tolerated at all. At the same time you have to proof. I do not think emails are enough proof. I you have to pretty catch them in the act. If the emails explain in detail the acts of adultry were explained, you could use that to explain to her command your concerns of the situation. Of course they will have to counsel her, make sure she understands what will happen if the it is proven or the behavior continues. She can completely deny the whole thing and then it is just words on a paper. Although they have to address the issue. They have to do something because although they can not prove she actually commited the actions, they emails are not acceptable behavior either. As for the CPT, if she is enlisted let me tell the both of them would be in so much trouble. Rank and career could be ended. The fact that there is a chance of an enlisted and officer having a improper relationship. Again, the command will have to do something how far it will go, I would hope as far as the can take it. As for the cilivain side, it might be completely different. I would save all emails and anything that can help you. I would contact her command. Soldiers are putting their lifes on the line and family members are taking on hardships as well...they are not being sent over there to have an excuse to justify issues such as this. I know you are very hurt. I feel so sorry for you and wished that I had the exact answers for you. I do not want you to take this the wrong way, and I would most likely want to do the same. But do not let your anger for her, destory the relationship she has with the childern. Keep in mind that everything you do to eachother has affect on the childern. I am sure you have thought of this. You have to deal with her for the rest of your life because of the childern. In no way do I think you wrong. So please do not take anything I have said in the wrong way.

[devastated1]

Yes it is going to be a very difficult desicion to make.I have been thinking about all of my choices very deeply. But my kids come first. And if she looses her pay or has to do time it would be very difficult for me to make it financially.But on the other hand I think their behaivor is a discrace to the military and something should be done.Probably going to be one of the most important desicions I will ever make in my life.

[DRTDEVL]

Originally Posted by devastated1

Yes it is going to be a very difficult desicion to make.I have been thinking about all of my choices very deeply. But my kids come first. And if she looses her pay or has to do time it would be very difficult for me to make it financially.But on the other hand I think their behaivor is a discrace to the military and something should be done.Probably going to be one of the most important desicions I will ever make in my life.

Now, why don't women react like this (the whole vindictive "I want his a$$" thing)?

[dms34]

Originally Posted by devastated1

Yes it is going to be a very difficult desicion to make.I have been thinking about all of my choices very deeply. But my kids come first. And if she looses her pay or has to do time it would be very difficult for me to make it financially.But on the other hand I think their behaivor is a discrace to the military and something should be done.Probably going to be one of the most important desicions I will ever make in my life.

If I had upset you in anyway, honest please do not take as if I was trying to do that. I completely agree with you it is ashame and happens way to much. She should get into some type of trouble. I have read this in another email and I hope this helps. UCMJ Article 134 and here is a website that explains it. [url]http://usmilitary.about.com/library...mcm/bl134-2.htm[/url]. Take care of yourself and I hope this helps.

[rmet4nzkx]

Please understand, male or female, military personel are allowed to envoke the SSCRA while they are deployed, so even if you filed for divorce, she would envoke the SSCRA which would delay the proceeding until she returned to the US, in the mean time, she could cut off your allotment. You acknowledge that your marriage was in trouble for financial reasons and you still have those reasons, you were willing to reconcile while she was here and only waited 2 days before accesing her private email. Was 2 days long enough for her to resove those relationships? How graphic are these emails? It is possible that they won't even be allowed in evidence. The divorce will be a civil matter and her adultry may have no effect on custody. Don't bite off your nose to spite your face. People do crazy things in time of war and return to civilian life, another world. People make mistakes. I suggest waiting until she returns and seek counseling for the problems in your marriage, then make your decisions, she is still your children's mother and will always be.

[devastated1]

To answer the question about the content of the e-mails. Very explicit. Nothing left to the imagination. And I am leaning mostly toward the desicion to keep my mouth shut till she gets home. I think the shock of her knowing that I know will be enough.

[canyonFF]

devestated,
This brings to mind questions regarding this email account and was your search of its contents legal. Judging from the content of the letters, I'm assuming that this was a private account, not joint. Probably yahoo, aol or lycos. She would most certainly not use that address to converse about these acts if she knew you had access to that account. Now depending on how you got access into the account is the MAIN LEGAL question, because if you accessed it illegally, then the whole process ends there. Just like if a command illegally searches a soldiers property and siezes contraband, they can't use that evidence. If you did this search "illegally" then the command and all other departments won't be able to act with that evidence. I seriously hate it for you, it was irresponcible of this woman to do this. But just as you have rights, unfortunately in this situation, she does too. Was the computer yours, hers or joint? I think marrage and property laws come in on this and I have absolutly no experience in either. Could it be shown you "hacked" her account? Did the computer automatically store the password to her email address if it was an internetmail account? Was it an alias on a joint account through your ISP? These are amoung the first questions you are going to have to answer as they pave the way for what's to come. I suggest IMMIDIATLY speaking with an established attorney. Do not wait until she comes back.
That Cpt. (if she is enlisted) you mentioned, in my view, is unfit for command. He compromised himself, he knew this was illegal(again if she is infact enlisted), what else would he compromise? The Army, as stated above, does have a zero tolerance policy on adultery. They are going to hang those involved out to dry.
If you seriously want a divorce, as you said before, then you need to speak with an attorney, find out if your search was even legal before you do anything else. (Again I'm assuming it wasn't the most legal act ever done, taking into consideration the content of the mails, and that no sane person would use a joint account to send those statements and expect privacy.) If it wasn't legal, you need to seriously find out a way to legally get those documents, otherwise you just may never be able to divorce this woman unless she wants it. You need to be proactive and get this stuff done, because once these mails are gone, I really feel your case is aswell.
I hope you are able to sort everything out, I really do.

[fozzy2]

Don't be so quick to assume that this evidence is not of use to the military. In the first case, if the military takes her to NJP the "rules of evidence" don't apply - a CO has very broad discretion as to what s/he will or will not consider as evidence.

Secondly, even if she were to be court martialed, most of the 4th Amendment guarantees against illegal search and seizure only apply to GOVERNMENT search and seizure. They do not necessarily protect you from private individuals who are acting on their "own" behalf. If the husband was acting on his own behest, for personal motives, when he 'stole' the e-mails then they might well be admissable at a court martial.

[stuckinlamad]

Ok I hate to say this. I am from VA and I was married there but I don't live there now. My sister is currently going through a divorce in VA, to a guy she hasn't seen in 3 years, now so the only info I can give you is this. If you didn't already know VA is a no fault state. That means they dont' care why your getting a divorce. You had to be forwarned though because in VA with it being a no fault state they may or may not look into allegations of adultery for child custody issues the emails may have been specific but they may be thrown out as well. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings I really do but I want you to be prepared for what you face and I wish you the best of luck.

[chap14]

[ Hi, devastaded. I wanted to give some advice allthough you will be able to prosecute your wife, I advice you not to. Since she will need a job to be able to support you. I Advice you divorce her, without ruining her career. You know you should consult an attorney because if you ruin her career she wont be able to support you and the kids anymore. so be smart. I hope you dont take my advice in the wrong way but I think its the best for you and the kids. The world is not over just because of this one woman, there is plenty more out there.

[panzertanker]

You need advice from badapple.
I will bump this and see if he will come in here and respond...
Good luck, I do not envy you the decisions you have to make.

[mblstr]

Take your proof to the nearest provost marshall (active duty base) and file not 1, but 4 adultery charges against your wife and her boyfriends.
The paperwork will be processed and forwarded to her unit in Iraq for handling. Make sure your proof is solid and that you have the names of all the players.

I just filed charges against my wife for adultery (she is an officer) which she committed while I was in Iraq. Unfortunately her lover is a civilian and I cannot find a way to touch him. If anyone has info on how I can touch him and make him play, let me know.

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Originally Posted by devastated1

What is the name of your state?VA My wife is currently active duty in Iraq for a 1 year deployment. She is from a national guard transportation unit. She just recently got her 2 week leave to come home and see her family. We were having problems with our marriage prior to this time because of what I thought was money issues. We were talking maybe divorcing when her time was over.But when she got here we got together to talk and one thing led to another and it seemed to me we were back good with each other. I only had one problem. When she checked her e-mails she didnt want me around. So I stayed cool until she went back over. Two days after she went back overseas I checked her e-mails. It turns out that she was messing around with another soldier in Iraq. I died inside. But I kept looking and it turns out shes messing around with 3 guys. One of which is a CPT. As of now she doesnt know I know. Divorce is certain. We have three children whom I am taking care of while she is "serving her country". Anyway, I know it is unusual for a civilian to catch soldiers committing adultery. My question is what will happen to them if I tell her Commander. And what are My rights in this matter? Will I have to get a military lawyer to get a divorce and custody of my kids? Also, if I leave the military out of it and divorce her after she gets back and I use the evidence that I have, can the courts still charge her with military adultery?

[fozzy2]

Originally Posted by mblstr

I just filed charges against my wife for adultery (she is an officer) which she committed while I was in Iraq. Unfortunately her lover is a civilian and I cannot find a way to touch him. If anyone has info on how I can touch him and make him play, let me know.

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Depending on the jurisdiction you can try and file an Alienation of Affection suit.

< biting tongue > "touch him and make him play"?