Magic is probably your best bet, the lie that the other dirt bags getting kicked out told you about getting your discharge upgraded is false. The military has a distinct need to be able to punish those that do not perform well in their jobs or do not fulfill their contracts. Your discharge is simply your performance review and recommendation for every job you will try to acquire over the next twenty years. The choices you made to result in a discharge that is not honorable will follow you for the majority of the rest of your life, I can say that without knowing anything about your situation. What was the reason cited on the DD-214 for a General Under Honorable? Good luck but if I was you I would not waste the time and effort it will take you to get turned down.
"Man's capacity for evil makes democracy necessary and man's capacity for good makes democracy possible."
Reinhold Niebuhr
