Issue a proclamation requiring a 2 cent stamp be placed on all garden bowel movements. Wait for cat to poop all over your porch in protest. Send in the red coated bunnies to enforce order. Cat's friends write a series of essays to promote free garden pooping. These become known as the Garden Papers. Red Coated bunnies begin committing atrocities against neighborhood squirrels. Neighbor, cats, squirrels and free bunnies send you their letter citing a long train of abuses -- it becomes known as the Poop Sheet. The squirrels get organizational assistance from the blue jays and the crows, who have participated in a long fight against your car begin to debate coming into the impending conflict on the cat's side. After the Battle of Sidewalk Shrubs, an entire contingent of red coated bunnies is captured and the crows enter the fight. Shortly afterward you sue for peace and your garden has secured its independence. A few years later you will realize that declining property value has left you underwater and you are fighting with a real estate developer when the cat comes to your aid and saves your home to use as a cute vacation spot for college students and historians. You are allowed to continue the illusion of self direction as long as you send troops to whatever war the cat starts.
The moral: When you mess with someone else's crap, you had better be holding toilet paper.
TD
PS: The cat says 'Merica. That's why.
