Accused or rape that happened 10 yrs ago

[mamamare]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

I am a desperate wife trying to save her family. My husband recently got accused of rape or sexual abused (not clear yet). The accusation came from a girl close to family saying that she got raped by him 10 yrs ago, when she was 8. I was in shock and did not know what to believe. I asked my husband and he said that he never touched this girl in any inappropriate way.

 

[Zigner]

It was tremendously stupid to call the accuser and ask questions. Seriously, get an attorney and SHUT UP except when talking to that attorney.

 

[Zigner]

Look at it from a slightly different light.

A young child is abused by an older relative. It takes the child 10 years to finally come to grips with the horrendous crime that was committed against her and the child then reports the crime to the police.

The attacker finds out about the allegations and then contacts the victim and says "Hey, why are you saying I did that? You know better than that!"

I see SEVERAL additional charges.

Seriously, SHUT UP. ONLY talk to an ATTORNEY. Beg or borrow...but get that attorney.

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you for taking the time and answering my post. Excuse my poor education please but could you explain me why was a bad idea to call and try to figure what happened? II want to get a lawyer but we don't have a good financial situation right now. The mom said that she thinks her daughter is acting up because she wants to get away with things and she told us that she wants to solve this issue as a family. I respect this woman and I do not want this thing to blow out of proportion but it is my husband career at stake and that's why I thought I would write on this post to see how we can handle this accusation without putting gas on the fire. I keep looking at those pics with the girl and my husband and cannot realize how a human being who supposedly was abused by this man, has no problem holding on to his arm and have a big smile on her face. I know if this case go to court my husband will go straight to jail. I read hundreds of false rape accusation cases and nobody ever tried to find a proof that the so called victim really was raped; especially that she's accusing him of something that happened years ago; there is no DNA no witness who in the world remembers what happened 10 yrs ago? If I go to court my case is lost from the start that is why I am afraid to get a lawyer and go all the way. I really do not know what to do, I am desperate.

Please educate yourself on Abuse and the ...perplexing...feelings a sexually abused child can have toward an adult that violates her body and trust.

Why a 23 year old "man" would "wrestle" with a LITTLE GIRL is very hard to understand. Your husband was a full grown man...not a young teen horsing around with a slightly younger relative.

I asked my husband and he said that he never touched his cousin in any inappropriate way. When they were young (the difference of age is 15 yrs between them) they used to wrestle and be playful but never ever any sexual behavior happened.

Also, you refer to this as your legal situation. Are you the wife or the husband posting?
Because if you are the wife, then it is not you that requires a lawyer, it is not your case.

Although I do understand that this situation will absolutely impact you.

 

[Just Blue]

Look at it from a slightly different light.

A young child is abused by an older relative. It takes the child 10 years to finally come to grips with the horrendous crime that was committed against her and the child then reports the crime to the police.

The attacker finds out about the allegations and then contacts the victim and says "Hey, why are you saying I did that? You know better than that!"

I see SEVERAL additional charges.

Seriously, SHUT UP. ONLY talk to an ATTORNEY. Beg or borrow...but get that attorney.

Yup...and the DA may consider contact to be witness tampering.

STOP CALLING THIS GIRL.

 

[>Charlotte<]

I can all but guarantee a qualified victimologist would have no problem explaining exactly why a sexual abuse victim would behave in that manner.

 

[mamamare]

It is so hurtful to see that no matter what evidence you have nobody will start the case from assuming a not guilty verdict. How can you send a man in prison and ruin his life forever with no tangible evidence other than the allegations of the assumed victim?

 

[Zigner]

It is so hurtful to see that no matter what evidence you have nobody will start the case from assuming a not guilty verdict. How can you send a man in prison and ruin his life forever with no tangible evidence other than the allegations of the assumed victim? And keep in mind, the girl admits that there was no penetration.

One more time (altogether now). SHUT UP about this! Seriously!

 

[>Charlotte<]

It is so hurtful to see that no matter what evidence you have nobody will start the case from assuming a not guilty verdict. How can you send a man in prison and ruin his life forever with no tangible evidence other than the allegations of the assumed victim? And keep in mind, the girl admits that there was no penetration.

He hasn't even been formally charged yet, and you've already got him convicted and serving a life sentence. This is what the process is for. To establish innocence or guilt.

He needs to shut up and stop talking to ANYONE about this, talk to an attorney, and prepare to defend himself if that becomes necessary. Panicking and running your mouths is the worst thing you or he can do.

Let's review: Shut up. Attorney. Don't panic until you have to. Have NO contact with the victim, even by way of a third party. NO contact. None. At all.

Edited to say, more appropriately, talk to an attorney--not necessarily hire.

 

[Just Blue]

It is so hurtful to see that no matter what evidence you have nobody will start the case from assuming a not guilty verdict. How can you send a man in prison and ruin his life forever with no tangible evidence other than the allegations of the assumed victim? And keep in mind, the girl admits that there was no penetration.

Are you really trying to compare TOTAL STRANGER PROPOSITIONING YOU, as an ADULT, to a LITTLE GIRL BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED by a TRUSTED ADULT RELATIVE??

He showed me $100 bill and told me if I want it I know what I have to do for it

That is NOT being "close to rape". It would be you being confused with a hooker.

Please peruse a GOOD website to educate yourself in how a child processes sexual abuse by a relative.

You are seemingly "hung up" on the fact that this girl stated his penis did not enter her vagina. That doesn't mean that she was not sexually assaulted.

You also seem to have an issue with her behavior over that last 10 years. I will tell you that her behavior is NOT UNUSUAL. AT ALL.

 

[mamamare]

Thanks for your advice, some were harsh but very educational so I take them all in. I will try to delete my initial post bc I should have probably not given too much detail. For those interested I will try to post later on the outcome of this horrible situation.

 

[Just Blue]

Thanks for your advice, some were harsh but very educational so I take them all in. I will try to delete my initial post bc I should have probably not given too much detail. For those interested I will try to post later on the outcome of this horrible situation.

If you delete your thread after we have spent our time trying to help you, and anyone else that might find this thread helpful to their own situation, DO NOT BOTHER POSTING BACK.

 

[mamamare]

I don't know what to do anymore. I am trying to follow your advice and not talk but then is bad if I delete the details. I am not a bad person and trust me I feel for those in the same position that I just found myself and I do want to help. I don't know what to do?! I am desperate. One tells me to shut up one tells me I am not appreciating the help you gave me please understand that I am as miserable as a human being can get and all I think now is my family..both sides that are involved

 

[Just Blue]

I don't know what to do anymore. I am trying to follow your advice and not talk but then is bad if I delete the details. I am not a bad person and trust me I feel for those in the same position that I just found myself and I do want to help. I don't know what to do?! I am desperate. One tells me to shut up one tells me I am not appreciating the help you gave me please understand that I am as miserable as a human being can get and all I think now is my family..both sides that are involved

You know what...If you feel you posted enough info for someone to identify you...Delete the thread. It is your choice.

In all honesty I think you were vague ...But it is not my situation.

Do not discuss this situation outside of your home (hubby and you) unless criminal charges are going to be filed. DO not speak to the family of this girl.