Civil Harrasment- Temporary Restraining Order

[jojojojo]

What is the name of your state? California

I just received a civil harassment temporary restraining order from a former co-worker. We at one time were interested in each other romantically, but things didn't work out. She's moved on and I've moved on. She told me not to contact her in any way, but I didn't listen and contacted her. After we spoke on the phone and she hung up on me, I finally got the message. That was about two months ago. No direct contact since. I haven't seen her in person in 5 or so months.

It's been hard for me to move on since a lot of other stuff is going on in my life, so I created a blog (internet journal) at the beginning of this year. It's actually quite therapeutic and I've received anonymous words of encouragement. In my last email to my former coworker, I told her to check it out if she wants to know how i'm doing and stuff... I was trying to be friendly...

naturally, i considered her very important so she's in a lot of the entries. I imagine I will look like quite an obsessed and crazy guy at the hearing. They will most likely use my entries and personal thoughts against me. After getting the TRO, I naturally made all the entries private.

I'm looking to get a criminal defense lawyer. But is there any advice you guys/gals can give me on how to approach this matter? I made no threats or anything like that... just a lot of whining and words to inspire me to move on... I imagine she didn't like reading any of it, but she could have stopped reading at anytime right? Is that even a defense or just a waste of time?

thanks in advance...

i've definitely learned to keep my thoughts to myself now...

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the name of your state? California

I just received a civil harassment temporary restraining order from a former co-worker. We at one time were interested in each other romantically, but things didn't work out. She's moved on and I've moved on. She told me not to contact her in any way, but I didn't listen and contacted her. After we spoke on the phone and she hung up on me, I finally got the message. That was about two months ago. No direct contact since. I haven't seen her in person in 5 or so months.

It's been hard for me to move on since a lot of other stuff is going on in my life, so I created a blog (internet journal) at the beginning of this year. It's actually quite therapeutic and I've received anonymous words of encouragement. In my last email to my former coworker, I told her to check it out if she wants to know how i'm doing and stuff... I was trying to be friendly...

naturally, i considered her very important so she's in a lot of the entries. I imagine I will look like quite an obsessed and crazy guy at the hearing. They will most likely use my entries and personal thoughts against me. After getting the TRO, I naturally made all the entries private.

I'm looking to get a criminal defense lawyer. But is there any advice you guys/gals can give me on how to approach this matter? I made no threats or anything like that... just a lot of whining and words to inspire me to move on... I imagine she didn't like reading any of it, but she could have stopped reading at anytime right? Is that even a defense or just a waste of time?

thanks in advance...

i've definitely learned to keep my thoughts to myself now...

I imagine I will look like quite an obsessed and crazy guy at the hearing. They will most likely use my entries and personal thoughts against me. After getting the TRO, I naturally made all the entries private.

I agree with what you say about yourself.

Standard answer

Here are some hints on appearing in court:

Dress professionally in clean clothes.

Do not wear message shirts.

Don't chew gum, smoke, or eat.

Bathe and wash your hair.

Go to court beforehand some day before you actually have to go to watch how things go.

Speak politely and deferentially. If you argue or dispute something, do it professionally and without emotion.

Ask the court clerk who you talk to about a diversion (meaning you want to plead to a different, lesser charge), if applicable in your situation.


Here are five stories that criminal court judges hear the most (and I suggest you do not use them or variations of them):

1. I’ve been saved! (This is not religion specific; folks from all kinds of religious backgrounds use this one.)

2. My girlfriend/mother/sister/daughter is pregnant/sick/dying/dead/crippled and needs my help.

3. I’ve got a job in [name a state five hundred miles away].

4. This is the first time I ever did this.

5. You’ve got the wrong guy. (A variation of this one is the phantom defendant story: “It wasn’t me driving, it was a hitchhiker I picked up. He wrecked the car, drug me behind the wheel then took off.”)

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?p=854687#post854687

Other people may give you other advice; stand by.

 

[Let the DJ try]

You
Don't give up
You're my stalker
Leave me be

I know I should not pretend
That I like you
When you just suffocate me
A lack of O is killing me
I'd kill you if I could

You
Don't give up
You're my stalker
Leave me be
You
You're my stalker
Feed on me

And just when I think you're gone
There you are
To rape me and try on my clothes
I fear for me sometimes
Let me go
(2 lines deleted for content by the DJ)
I'm static
You're clinging
You're my klingon
Vent--Stalker

 

[calatty]

Having a restraining order put on you is not a criminal charge. You don't need a lawyer. You don't need to dispute it, just obey it.

 

[jojojojo]

any other helpful info

I have obeyed it. I have not contacted her directly for 2 months and not seen her for 5 months. If I didn't have her picture, I honestly think i might have a problem recognizing her. I'm just curious why I am getting the TRO now.

I hired an attorney and I suggested to my attorney that we call the plaintiff's attorney and try to work something out. Is this possible? Any chance of me having this thrown out completely? I want to do whatever is necessary to get this past me without getting a CLETS restraining order.

I read through the blog I wrote and besides mentioning her several times, no explicit threats or anything. Just me recounting a lot of memories and trying to self-help myself to move on. To be honest, i actually think it was working until this bomb-shell dropped. I was moving right along.

thanks in advance.

 

[CdwJava]

Why create a blog about her? Couldn't you have written about her using Word on your home computer? Depending on what you wrote in a publicly accessable blog, she could reasonably fear for her peace and safety. A judge is not likely to buy that your writing was simply cathartic ... it's like taking out a billboard just to be cathartic. The purpose is to vent in public or to make a public demonstration of some kind - not to vent.

Removing the blog and agreeing not to publish any more information on her or the relationship might be a good start to trying to gain her acquiescence in dropping the TRO.

- Carl

 

[seniorjudge]

Q: I hired an attorney and I suggested to my attorney that we call the plaintiff's attorney and try to work something out. Is this possible?

A: Yes.


Q: Any chance of me having this thrown out completely?

A: I have ESPN, not ESP.


Q: I read through the blog I wrote and besides mentioning her several times, no explicit threats or anything. Just me recounting a lot of memories and trying to self-help myself to move on. To be honest, i actually think it was working until this bomb-shell dropped. I was moving right along.

A: Bad move, that blog. That probably ruined all chances for any negotiation. It's impossible to unring a bell.

 

[jojojojo]

follow-up

California.

Hello all. It seems the TRO was made permanent and the Petition granted...
I retained an attorney and presented two really good declarations and went to two hearings. At today's hearing, the Petitioner sobbed while giving her testimony.

There were over 140 pages of documentation and at the hearing today the judge said he would consider all the evidence and get back to us in 90 days. An hour later, I checked on the website and petition granted! I suspect the court adjourned about 20-30 minutes earlier. Attorney called me two hours later and I found out I have a 3 year CLETS restraining order against me.

Obviously, I'm going to appeal this decision, since I don't think the judge even read the evidence and our briefings... Can this RO get overturned or am I wasting my time?

thanks.

 

[thomas111]

I dont believe they can hold the blog against you. Usually TRO's prevent you from contacting a person DIRECTLY. In this case, it was her own choice to view your blogs.

Second, its definitely a waste of time to contest the TRO. Just wait until it expires and then try to rationalize with this person. You ought to read the order and see exactly what her reasons are for getting a RO against you. If the reasons are fraudulent and cannot be proven, then I would then get legally involved and take her to court.

People tend to abuse RO's lately. I've seen some RO's issued because of a person simply refusing to pay rent/utilities.

I guess, to be straightforward, just follow the isntructions as outlined by the TRO. Dont call, write, visit, harass in any way, or be within the seperation distance.

 

[airesflora]

No judgements just her side maybe...

I was the victim of a stalker for five years. It began fairly benign and progressed to the point he broke into my home while my mother was dying of cancer and spilled pig's blood all over my furniture. If I were your ex, I would be terrified of you, especially after the blog. If you wrote anything defamatory, I might even sue. There was no reason to put that history in a public place.

The stalker that made my life hell ruined my life. I was forced to flee my home city, moved everything in my apartment in exactly two days by myself. I left an incredible job in Advertising, and when I arrived at a rest stop and walked my cat I was robbed, turned the truck in after housing my furniture in storage and ended up sleeping in the back of my jeep for a month and a half while I worked temp reception jobs to get on my feet. I ended up moving to Mexico to rent a place.

You don't know what you do to a person when you create fear in them. I can tell you that I never hated anyone so much in my life as my stalker. He ruined everything for me and I was doing well. The robbery of my ID, credit cards and ATM card only made things worse and it was tough to get back on my feet. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder now and have problems with clarity at times. I've been let go from a decent job because I can't focus.

Maybe you are an okay guy, I don't know. But I can tell you that you should leave that poor woman alone and never bother her again. IF she doesn't want you around, then respect that. She will only hate you more than she probably already does if you don't move on. I will tell you, I chose my current fiance because he is protective, is a weight lifter, and would do anything to protect me if the stalker ever found me. And you can believe that I've had murderous thoughts about that s.o.b. that I've had to contain, because of what happened to me.

Is that what you're looking for? If not, respect the order of restraint and move on. You will only create a worse situation if you ever contact her again.

As I said, I'm not judging you. I'm relaying my own experience and letting you know how bad it can get. I guarantee you if my stalker ever finds out where I am and finds me here, I won't hesiitate in blowing him away.