Daughter out of control

[Mom seeks advice]

I have a daughter who is 16, we live in NJ.
My daughter has been seeing a young man who is 18 for over a year. I have tried to stop her from seeing him, he is into drugs and has a criminal record.
My daughter has recently been disappearing with him on weekends. She will go to work on Friday afternoon and when i go to pick her up at night when work is over she is gone.
I have had the police look for her, i call all her friends and nobody knows where she is.
I tried to get a restraining order against him but the police say that i can't.
They say my daughter would have to do it.
She won't. She says no one can keep her from him.
This past weekend she didn't come home again.
On Sunday night i received a call from dyfs.
They told me to come to the police station.
My daughter was there. She told her boss at work that she was afraid to come after she had been gone for the entire weekend.
Her boss took her to the police station.
My daughter told them that i beat her.
This is not true, if anything my daughter is very spoiled. It hurt me for her to say these things. I think she did this so she could get away with staying out for the weekend.
The dyfs worker told me to get my daughter to stay away from her boyfriend.
I told her i have tried.
She told me to ground her. I have tried.
My daughter just walks out the door cursing at me and i can't stop her.
In front of the dyfs worker i asked the police once again if i can get a restraining order against my daughters boyfriend. They told me again there was nothing they could do.
That's when the dyfs worker said i can't believe nothing can be done.
Now dyfs wants the whole family to be in counceling. When my daughter heard this she went crazy, cursing and yelling saying she wouldn't do it.
What can i do? How can i keep her from troulble?

 

[hannah jo]

You say the "boy" is 18 - and she is a minor, disappearing for weekends with him. In most states this alone could be a criminal act - you need to check your state laws to see if this is so. The other issues of how to control her are parenting issues really - unless when she disappears you wish to report her as a run-away and get "the system" involved to help you. I also suggest you contact the local social service agencies to find out if there is a paretnign support group in your area - these are popping up all over and serve as places where parents can meet and brain-storm these issues to find solutions.

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Please note that these comments do not constitute legal advice. It is always recommended that you consult with a local attorney, who can explore all the facts and issues of your specific situation and then advise you of any legal rights and remedies you may have under the current laws of your jurisdiction.

 

[Krystalbubbles]

When I was about 15 I had problems with my parents. My mom was instructed to attend Tough Love classes and they worked. It basically entails that you put your foot down and if she goes out, you call the police and turn her in as a runaway. When she curses at you or threatens you, you call the police on her. I know that if she ever hits you, she can be taken to a juvenile detention center for assault. Then you may be able to talk to a judge about getting her placed on probation and that would curb her behavior drastically. They pretty much take over the dicipline and make her abide by it or she will just end up back in juvie. As far as keeping the boyfriend away, I don't know what you can do except look into the laws in your state to find out what can be constituted as statitory? rape and if you can press that on him. I hope that you may be able to find a Tough Love class in your area, they really are the best group (in my opinion) to help with this type of situation. I wish you good luck in this area and I hope your daughter can learn to understand that you love her and you want whats best for her.

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Who is normal and why do we always try to be like them?