domestic violence

[nlehman]

What is the name of your state? KS
My husband was arrested for domestic battery. He broke my arm and caused some other more minor injuries. The police took pictures and had evidence of all of this. They took him to jail. The problem was this..... he is related to most of the police department since we lived in such a small town. Mysteriously, he never was formally charged with anything. Since I did not work and had two small children to support, I let him come back.

Later, he was arrested again in a different county for domestic battery. The police took pictures of all of my injuries and took him to jail. He began calling all of my friends and my workplace from jail. He was bailed out and he came back home. I was very scared of him so when it was time for his trial, I said that I lied and made the whole thing up and had received the injuries when I had fallen down. He said that if I told this story, he would move out and leave me and my children alone. Now the Miami County, Kansas district attorney has filed charges against me for makin a false police report. I am very scared. Is there anything that I can do? Please email me at [email protected] .

 

[hmmbrdzz]

I can provide you some web pages only here.

http://www.kcsdv.org/

http://www.divorcesource.com/shelters/kansas.shtml

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/ksdv.shtml

http://www.safehome-ks.org/

http://www.angelfire.lycos.com/doc/general/angelfire_popunder.html?search_string=kansas+domestic+violence

http://www.dkconnection.org/agencies/dvack.htm

http://www.ci.lenexa.ks.us/police/domesticbattery.html

http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/KS.HTM

 

[franklin2003]

I am very scared. Is there anything that I can do?

Yes move back home with your parents, and get a JOB and make money to pay for yourself and your 2 kids...

most abusers do not like (hence: stay away from) women who are financialy independent!

 

[hmmbrdzz]

That is very true. It's the number one deterent to abuse. It works two fold. If a woman works, she's in control of her destiny. (Real uplifter, there.) If she's being abused and goes to work, it's like having 1000 eyes on her per day while she's being uplifted -- a double threat to the abuser.


hmmbrdzz

 

[dcohny]

it is ridiculous that the prosecutor would file charges against you... even saying that it did not happen that way ... it is one of the behaviors of the victim in domestic violence to possibly say that something else happened. if charges are brought against you get as much attention as you can to your case. call your local news agency/paper/television station/domestic violence advocacy groups. hopefully you can shame the state into going forward with charges on their own since the abuse is documented and they will dismiss any charges and the idea of charges against you

 

[sparemum]

That is very true. It's the number one deterent to abuse. It works two fold. If a woman works, she's in control of her destiny. (Real uplifter, there.) If she's being abused and goes to work, it's like having 1000 eyes on her per day while she's being uplifted -- a double threat to the abuser.


hmmbrdzz

I agree that that earning her own money will be a great asset to this lady ,but first she may need some councelling to help with her self esteem issues.I have been in the same circumtances and it's not easy to just go out and get a job when you are feeling nervous and scared and have had a man put you down for so long. I spent most of my days depressed and crying after leaving an abusive relationship, until I got help.You can't go to work crying and depressed and expect your employer to understand, because they don't. No one does until they have been there!

 

[hmmbrdzz]

I agree sparemum. Some women in these situations have never worked. They remain for years and years in an abusive relationship because of lack of skills to do otherwise, and most times they resign themselves to live with the abuse rather than to seek help. Counseling would definitely be in order. Domestic violence programs help integrate the abused person towards a more independent life, usually to include counseling. Domestic violence is probably one of the hardest cycles to break. I'm glad you got yourself out of the abusive situation you were in. I've been there, too, (over 20 years ago, though) and to a very, very small degree in comparison to what I've seen at some of the shelters. It was probably my experience with getting knocked around a few times myself that prompted me to get my life straightened out, get into school, and to never place myself in a situation where I had to depend on someone else to support me. I was lucky, though, because I was young. Older women and those with kids, though, can (and do) make successful changes in their lives. I hope our writer will get the help she needs.


hmmbrdzz

 

[sparemum]

Domestic Violence

Thanks HMNBRDZZ..I was in 2 abusive relationships, but somhow I guess I hit bottom and said to myself "do or die" I'd had enough.It took me a while to get a job, no education, no experience but a friend offered me a job in a gas station pumping gas.The first 2 weeks I cried when a customer came in .My boss kept saying " it's ok, you can do it" ..my first pay check made me an independent woman. I held it in my hand and just smiled...and headed to the bank.I was 46 years old and had never had a bank account ( nor a joint one ) before.It felt so good to know it was my money and no one could tell me what to do with it. If it wasn't for counselling and that job, I don't know where I would be today...

 

[kattrask]

Get a restraining order. Get a divorce. Get personal protection (gun, bat, mace). He probably won't pay any attention to the order anyway. Protect your children. If he hits you, it's not going to be long before he hits them, too. You do need counseling. Get out of town if you have to. Go to a shelter if you don't have family. If you don't have skills, get on AFDC and get training. I know welfare is a dirty word, but your children are more important than pride.

I have been there. My ex beat my son (not his kid) every time I left them home alone together. He threatened to hurt him worse if he told meut. I tried to think everything was okay. Since, I worked and he did not they were alone a lot. He also belittled my son continuously. When I finally found my backbone, I took a huge cut in pay packed up my four kids and moved 750 miles away. This was kind of drastic, but I was being stalked to the point I was afraid to go to work, and my oldest son's life was threatened. I waited too long because he was good to the other 3 kids and i did not want to believe it was so bad. My son will always blame me. And I will never forgive myself completely. I have been divorced for nine years and still am afraid to trust anyone. Get out.

By the way, I have a MS in Engineering. You don't have to be illerate to be an enabler. It does help to be able to suport yourself because I think most abusers count on being in control.

 

[hmmbrdzz]

Two great success stories. It can be done.

hmmbrdzz