is this harassment or something else?

[havenly1]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

Here goes....

We are/were friends with another couple. Our husbands work together. My friend let's say "A" (the wife) told me about a picture that another friend had found in her husband's glove box. The other friend's husband is a truck driver and frequently takes pictures of women who will flash him on the road. My friend "A" said they were looking through them together and one of the pictures looks nearly identical to me. Also similar vehicle except for a few things like the seat style and harley stickers. Well my friend A asked if it was me and it definitely was not and told her so.

Well I never mentioned it to my husband because I didn't think much of it. Funny coincidence maybe but that's it. This was just before Labor Day weekend. Well the husband of our friendly couple "B" took the picture to his work (and my husband's work) on the Tuesday. Behind my husband's back B passed the picture around the workplace passing it off as me not as someone who looks like me among apx. 25 people. B also added a fictitious but nasty story about me and the truck driver to go with the picture.

The picture and story were passed around the workplace for several days until a couple people alerted my husband of what was happening. My husband asked for the picture which was never produced.

Also one of the people who alerted my husband as to what was happening, beforehand had asked a higher up what to do(tell my husband or not)...and the higher responded "Leave me out of it."

In the waake of everything I am highly embarrassed and upset. My husband is embarrassed and has to deal with the snickering behind his back at work and sometimes directly rude comments. I am also a contractor for this business and am worried about my future business with them. And what scares me most is the fact that I will possibly be teaching in a school district in which many of these men work. I am very worried that this will affect my future career.

Any advice I would very much appreciate. I don't know what this is:sexual harassment, slander? But I do appreciate any advice and if you need more information than I gave please let me know.

Thank You!

 

[Beth3]

I guess you'll be crossing this couple off your Christmas card list.

Whether this constitutes sexual harassment is debatable but it was an entirely inappropriate thing for this "friend" to do. As your husband works there and you are also a contractor to the company, I suggest a complaint to management by one or both of you is entirely in order. In doing so, you'll also be letting the company know that photo is not of you.

You know, I wonder how a truck driver at the wheel of a multiple-ton rig rolling down the highway is able to grab a camera and take these pictures. Oh, well. I guess everyone has to have a hobby. Let's hope he doesn't kill somebody some day.

 

[havenly1]

Beth3...Thank you for your response. I am going to push the matter forward in the manner you suggested. Hopefully, I'll feel some resolution by doing this. Thanks Again.

Haven

 

[havenly1]

Update:

I had talked to the wife yesterday. SHe claimed to be very sorry (near tears) and swore that when she found out what was going on Saturday she burnt the picture. However, just this morning the picture is still being passed around. My husband talked to a supervisor today (Owner's son) and requested the picture. My husband said he would be done with it if the picture were given to him.

Now here's the big BUTT

I'm not done with it. I feel so humiliated and want more done than just letting my husband see the picture to ease his mind. I am still not feeling vindicated by this. The picture is being passed around and around and now I am even too embarrassed to take a delivery there. Can I do this without my husband? He's afraid to make waves. I'm not, especially since I was concerned about possibly hurting the wife of the couple if hee were reprimanded at work. They just won a bid on a house they will barely be able to afford. She lied to me so now I feel there's no need to protect her. This is so hard since two weeks ago they were best of friends and now I will lose the support of myhusband.

Suggestions? I know this is legal advice only, but would all this even be worth it? And what would happen to him if I pushed further?

Thanks again.

 

[Beth3]

The relationship you need to be be concerned about is the one with your husband. The wife/former friend is going to have to live with the consequences of her/her husband's actions - whatever those are.

Personally, I still think it's entirely appropriate to lodge a formal complaint with company management. You have a working relationship with this organization and may certainly do so independently of your huband. I suggest you explain to your husband how absolutely humiliated you continue to feel and that you will only feel better if he has some sort of reprimand from management. Plus, it will hopefully prevent him from humiliating someone else in a simlar fashion in the future. If your husband still disagrees, I'm afraid I can't tell you what to do. That's something you'll have to judge for yourself.

As far as consequences for the jerk who's passing around the photo, it could run anywhere from absolutely nothing up to termination. It really is impossible to predict what the employer's response will be as I know absolutely nothing about them, how seriously they take incidents like this, what their harassment and disciplinary policies are, and whether this idiot has any prior discipline or other performance issues.

All I can say is no matter what happens, he brought it on himself. He had to know you and your husband would find out and that it would be embarassing and humiliating to both of you. Obviously he didn't care.

 

[havenly1]

2nd Update:

Well I discussed with my husband how I felt and he backed me up.

Yesterday I met with the owner of the company. I made a complaint. We discussed it. My husband joined us too. An incident report had been written to put in the guy's file. I get a copy of this for my files also. The picture was returned (even though the day before he SWORE it was burned...ya right). The most punishment they could do was a warning with threat of termination for next incident. Thank you for the advice too. I was amazed at how cooperative the company was.

I have no idea where the negatives are.

I've got to be driving you nuts Beth. Sorry bout that. But I've got more questions.
It's only been one day, but there were still two indirect comments made within earshot of my husband. "She'll never work anywhere but in a Sunday school." And another similar one. There is rumor that he has threatened to harm me and to jeopardize my student teaching position (not worried about the teaching part though because of the document from the company). My husbands deal with the company is no more harassment from him of any kind. My husband talked to the boss about today but said he'd (husband) let it go this time. Owner was willing to confront the guy.

Once again sorry about all the questions, but god knows why this man keeps escalating things.

Q1. Are these indirect comments or things said in earshot (obviously directed towards my husband) continued harrassment?

Q2. How far does this have to escalate before I get a restraining order? I do not trust this man's stability anymore. I know rumor is rumor, but I want to know when it's not considered rumor anymore and I can take action. I am not pushing things any farther with the company, but if he gets himself fired due to his own behavior I know he'll blame me.

 

[havenly1]

Whoa...not too important but need to correct something...Picture was not "returned" but "turned over" to us...

 

[stephenk]

i would meet with the company owner and have the other guy also turn over the negative to the photo.

 

[Mike101]

What you might want to do is check out your states obscenity laws. Depending on what the picture showed it might fall under that. If it does that might give you a lot more to work with to get the company to put an end to it once and for all. Since he is doing this at work the company gets pulled in and they will not want that. Also anyone commenting on it can also get dragged in to it. Police involvement and the possibility of lawsuits can get a lot of stuff done. Something to think about.

 

[Beth3]

havenly1, you are not driving me nuts. Honest.

Q1 - hard to say. One comment, whether said to your huband, accidentally overheard, or said to be purposefully overheard, doesn't constitute harassment. Your husband already told the owner to let it go. If it happens again, then your husband should go back to the owner. It doesn't have to cross the legal boundaries of prohibited harassment for the employer to take action against the big mouth. The only thing that's required is that the employer determines it to be inappropriate.

Q2 - I don't see any issues here that would necessitate a restraining order. The truck driver is not threatening you, he's just being a big stupid jerk who doesn't know enough to quit while he's behind. If the guy DOES start stalking you, threatening your or your husband, doing things to purposefully harass you (repeatedly calling you at home, showing up where you are, etc. ) then it's time to talk to a lawyer and/or get a restraining order.

In the meantime, you and your husband should have no contact with this guy or his wife. Stay as far as you can out of their orbit and don't engage in conversation with either of them. If the wife calls tell her, "Sorry but I can't talk" and hang up. No reason is necessary. It's not likely things will escallate but having a "no contact" approach with these two will serve you well just in case legal action should become necessary down the road.

Good luck. I don't know why this guy is such a bozo but I've seen people do equally stupid and bizarre things. Who knows why.

 

[havenly1]

To all who replied:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I owe you one