Have a rebellious teenager

[katbird]

Here is the run down of the situation. My 16 year old daughter has been charged with unruly 3 times in the past 4 mo0nthes due to sneaking out of the house without permission. Now she is facing two counts of theft shoplifting from 2 different stores on the same night. She will be going to court on the last unruly and the theft charges soon. I am in the process of changeing custody from me to her father. She is currently moving in with him . He will be enrolling her in school there on January 22. I have had the jugdement entry drawn up and I have signed it it is now in the hands of her father to sign and send back to my attorney to be filed with the court. He wants his attorney to look over it first before signing it, which I can understand. But my dilema is what if he refuses to sign it and we have made all these transitions such as moving her in and getting her enrolled in school, I want to know how I could go about making her a ward of the court if he does change her mind as she is currently not "welcome back in our Home" She and her sted dad had an altercation and it got ugly and he refuses to let her come back and will even go as far as to put an injuction on her returning. Now I know that being she is a minor and until the judgement entry is final i will retain custody of her and am therefore still liable to take care of her. But I really don't see a way oout of this as I cannot have her with me if my husband doesn't want her here and her father refuses to sign the papers. I would have no alternative but to make herr a ward of the court and send her to a home of some sort until she reaches 18 in aproximately 1 year as she will be turning 17 next month. Enlight of the facy that I have no control over her behavior< considering she already has 3 unruly and 2 shoplifting charges against her and the altercation between her step dad and her I feel she would be better off with either her father or being a ward of the court instead of putting any more problems on the family in our home. She has 4 younger siblings that currently reside in the home and she was telling her 13 year old sister how to shoplift. I really don't want to put any of the other kids in jeopardy of her actions. I need any advice that you have to offer. I have been told that under the situation at hand with all the unrulys and the shoplifting that since she is a repeat offender she may become a guest of the count junenile hall for awhile any way. I need also to know what she will most likely face once she does go to court on the final unruly and the 2 counts of theft. We reside in Ohio

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Let's assume, for the moment, that Dad refuses to take her, and wants to return her to you. Let's further assume, for the moment, that your current husband is true to his word, and obtains a Restraining Order against your daughter. What to do ? Oh, what to do ?

You might get some good ideas from the following thread. Who knows, it might give you some food for thought that you never even dreamed was possible - - and, it might give you the relief you desperately need. It's Summertime in Brazil right now.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?threadid=83647&perpage=15&pagenumber=1

Good luck.

IAAL

 

[kat1963]

No No! Not the summer in Brazil thread! *LOL* Man, thats harsh...I heard a rumor that tickets are cheap by way of Value Jet.

Hon, do whatever he asks to get him to sign the papers. Give him sole custody, support and the shirt off your back if you have too. As you can see by the thread, ward of the court is going to cost you, probably alot more then what you would be paying him in support. And if your support is set up like millions of others, you could be forced to pay thousands before he pays his share.

As for your daughter. My sd was before juvi court for similar things...she's still slithering around the streets. I heard she got community service and like 4 months suspended for the last shoplifting charge..I didn't check on it, cause we simply don't care. We just gave ss over to biotroll before Xmas. She's doing the happy dance right now on all the support she's going to be getting. *LOL* Between lawyers fees, destruction of property, car, car insurance, wrecks, lawsuits, to say nothing of the stress level...yeah, she'll be singing a different tone shortly. The beauty of it, we can't be forced to take either one back, she isn't going to know where we are moving to...and she doesn't know about Brazil. HA!

Good Luck!

KAT

 

[ellencee]

children are not disposable items.
may God bless them and keep them, as He made them.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

There are, I believe, exceptions to every rule - - whether it be legal or religious.

When a child becomes so disruptive to the family unit, and the parents have exhausted both their emotions and financial resources to the detriment of the rest of the family, then it's time for drastic measures to rid the family of the problem.

It makes no sense whatsoever to allow one person to sink the entire ship. In the final analysis, we all have a need and instinct to survive, and sometimes - - hopefully not very often - - a family needs to root out the ongoing strain and problem that is causing it to sink.

IAAL

 

[ellencee]

no argument from me, IAAL--it was the most gentle and comprehensive statement that came to mind when I read these posting.

 

[tigger22472]

I too know where you are coming from, however I was in a better position. My bf and I took in his (ex) niece for a time being for her mother couldn't control her and she was taking off all the time and coming home when she pleased. She was only 13. We were actually going to go for full custody of her which her mother totally agreed with. It was highly suspected that she was shoplifting, although it was nothing we could prove for one and for two after moving here she pulled the same things. Sometimes she would go to places that we wouldn't have a problem with such as church functions but didn't tell us for fear that she was grounded and we'd tell her she couldn't. I was in a position that I couldn't file reports on her and her mother lived in another city about 45 minutes away. Her mother had filed 3 reports on her as a "runaway" before we brought her to our home. Near the end I had this child sitting at the Juvi probation officers office and had him telling her how she was so unruly and telling me to "Send her back to Mom TONIGHT." I continually told her that I had three other children in my house and her behavior affected them. At 13 she smoked... I didn't punish her so much for that because in my opinion if that was the worse problem we had then things weren't that bad but my other children saw it and would expect me to punish her for I would them. In the end she thought she could play me and I simply packed her things up while she was gone one night and when she walked in the door her things were in the same black trash bags that they were when she came here sitting by the door. I took her right back to her mothers house. She's still angry with us over this. Actually she's madder at my bf because he didn't stop me from doing it then she is at me for actually doing it... imagine that. She's done a bit better but not much. I just refused to have my other children subjected to it. I wish you luck and see your point, sometimes there is just nothing you can do. I cried and cried after I took her back but will not let her return even for visits for the time being.

 

[katbird]

Thanks

I want to thank all of you who replied to my post. As of yesterday the judgement entry was on his (father) lawyers desk to be looked over and as soon as that was done the lawyer would call him to come sign it and either send it to my attorney or give to me to give to my attorney to file with the court. She was enrolled in school Monday where here father resides and the school told him and I that he has exactly 30 days to have the official custody papers on thier desk or they will withdraw her from school. I am hoping beyond hope that that will light a fire under him and get him on this matter immediately. This was not an easy decision to make and I agonized over this for along time. I know that some people will judge me for what I have done and others will sympathsize as they have "walked the proverbial mile in my shoes." I have already asked my pastor what he thinks I should do in this situation regarding moving her to her dad's and he said that God would want you to protect your family unit and not place any of the others in the family in direct or indirect harm of a child that has chosen the wrong path and that by transfering her from your motherly care to her father is the only available solution as he is also responsible for her as much as you are and it may in fact benefit her in the end as she will be with her father one on one and she will have that "center of attention " she so much craves with a displinary action thrown in. He said that sometimes no matter how much we try and give a child the things we feel is best for them they still choose to go astray and you are forced to make painful but just decisions in life to help them turn thier lives around. Any how thanks again for the advice God Bless and take care momtomany Katbird

 

[katbird]

RE: Outcome

Well, the judgement entry has been signed by her father and is currently on my lawyaer's desk to be signede and filed Thank God for that . She did go to a intervention case manager for the 2 counts of theft and he told she was to write 2 letters of apology and have them on his desk within one week. The first letter was to be written to the store she shoplifted from and the second to the arresting officer. If she complies and does a good job of convincing these 2 people she is sorry and not a criminal the charges will be dropped. I think she can accomplish this and hopefully her life will turn around now that she is with her father and in a different school with different friends. I am glad that the worst is over now and we can settle into a more calm stressfree life now. She did tell the case manager that the reason she did alot of this stuff was that she just didn't get along with me. Of couorse he didn't buy that garbage for one minute and told her as much but if she is happier with her father than i wish the best for them both.

 

[kat1963]

I'm glad he didn't buy it. I mean really, she's the that made the choice to steal, has no excuse for her bad behavior cept trying to point her finger at her Mom. But hey, I'm glad things are working out for you. I hope you are under alot less stress now and your household is getting back to normal. I'll keep my fingers crossed for your daughter. Hopefully her father can lend a stronger hand.
KAT

 

[RedneckRoy]

KAT you must be one of them liberals. Down in my neck of the woods blood is thicker than water. I can't believe a woman would make her own child a ward of the state because her non bio spouse don't like the child. Just what kind of mother are ya? I sure am glad dad is stepping up to the plate.

 

[katbird]

Redneck Roy,
You might not understand the qwhole situatiuon. I was only going to make my daughter a ward of the state if her father didn't want to sign the judgement entry and take custody of her. And there is more to " her step father not wanting her in our home" than you know. She has physically assaulted him on several occassions. She has punched him in the face and kicked him in the groin. She has slapped my other children several times just because she didn't like them looking at her or what they were doing art the time. She has pushed me and threatened to hit me also. She smacked her sister in the back of the head just because she wouldn't do what she wanted her to do. She has been given detion at school for fighting on the bus several times. she has a violent temper. She punches walls and throws things. She broke her window in her room by throwing something at it. She has a hole in her wall in her room from punching it when she was mad. She stole my debit card and run up over 400 dollars she forged 2 checks with my name for over 200.00 dollars she shoplifted at two stores in one night even when she had 70 dollars in hwer pocket. She has snuck ouot of the house in the middle of the night more times than I can count. She was heading down the path od destruction and discipline was just a word not something to take seriously. This is not an easy decision by no means but I can't have that kind of behavior in my house and keep putting everyone at risk of her outbursts of violence. The police can only do so much and refused to lock her up because she was a juvenile. She is very lucky she moved to her father's house as if she still lived with me she would have had to do time for the shoplifting charges. That is what she and I were told the other evening if you still lived with your mom I would have to send this to the judge and you are looking at atleast 3 monthes in juvenile detention. So sending her to live with her father was the best thing I have done for her so far. I have to look out for the welfare of my family and I can't have a teenager trying to run my family it can't happen and as to the comment about KAT being liberal well you may call this a liberal choice but I am very Conservative and feel sometimes your choices are limited and you have to take a hard stand in decisions regarding your children and there wellfare. It's called touogh love and it does work.

 

[katbird]

KAT, Thanks

KAT,
Thanks things are starting to look up and she claims she is happy with her father, so I wish them both the best. I really am less tense since she is with her father. I can actually relax more and not have to worry about what she will do next. We can actually sleep easier to and not have to worry about whether she will sneak oout tonight or not and that she will make the school bus on time in the morning and will the school be calling again to tell me what she has done this time and for once I don't have to hide my money. It sure makes a difference. The kids are happier too as they don't have to walk on egg shells anymore and they don't have to wonder whether or not they will be terrorized by her. I just hope that she realizes what a lucky break she got and continues to be happy at her father's and does what she needs to do to keep herself out of trouble. I understand that the county in which he resides takes a harder stance on juvenile deliquency than our county does. She was told that if she keeps herself out of trouble then she won't have to worry when she turns 18 about a record but if she keeps getting into trouble then when she turns 18 they will nail her to the wall over the slightest mistake as they will have a record on her. Any how things are getting better and we are more relaxed. Thanks again.

 

[kat1963]

KAT you must be one of them liberals. Down in my neck of the woods blood is thicker than water. I can't believe a woman would make her own child a ward of the state because her non bio spouse don't like the child. Just what kind of mother are ya? I sure am glad dad is stepping up to the plate.

Thank you. Please feel free to post some ADVICE to Katbird during your next break from the drive thru window. Which means you will have to actually READ the post. Maybe when you get home you can ask your Mommy for help.

 

[RedneckRoy]

I have only one question for you katbird. Everytime she did one of them bad things what did you do to discipline her?

KAT1963, ADVICE is what's needed? Ok I'll give it a shot. Katbird go out to that backyard of yours and cut yourself a nice fresh switch and do some disciplining. KAT1963 you need to get out more often. Don't ya know that the puter is at the drive thru window. So if I take a break I can't read or type. Jiminey crickets, maybe YOU better be NICE to me or the next time you go through the drive thru you might end up with a few extra ingredients with your order.