Helping someone face time thats Inconcievable to myself

[Andi]

How do I help someone I love very much handle prison.Is there a trick to doing hard time.He is a 38 years old, white, never done time, and facing 7 years.He is going to do state time, probably in Graterford, Pa.I can't be with him now but I hope I can silently send my support and love.What he's done to have to go to prison is irrelevent now.He was the life of the party and now he is the one doing life.I party too, and I stood by his side while he made very bad dicisions.The day he goes away I have made a promise to myself to declare defeat and sign myself into rehab.I too am a drug addict (that was hard to say).I will raise our daughter to be so much better then us.No more sony tv's, nice expensive cars, dinners out.It's time I show her a life that we all deserve.Thanks for the ear!!!!!!

 

[wikygirl]

the most important thing you can do is send mail. My fiance is in jail by the finger of fate. It was very hard seeing him put into handcuffs and taken away. I am very lucky that I can see him, but mail is very important. Having some money on the account is good as well. You just have to take this time to get yourself straight, and in doing so you can help him. Watch the phone calls, MCI charges a ton of money to talk.

 

[Andi]

IAAL Dont Pass Judgement Without All The Facts

First of all:
He never did anything with a pregant women.
He was not on the school yard.
He was in Bars or his own home with full grown men, well into their adulthood.
He was not a pusher.
Nobody was ever pushed into anything.
We lived in a upper middle class neighborhood and paid all our own bills.
We even managed to hold down very respectable Jobs.
I dont excuse all his actions and he is going to pay his debt to society like a man.
I just wanted some advice from another person who was in my shoes at one time.
Not all people in prison deserve to be there!

 

[Andi]

My, My, It Must Be Hard Having to Be So Perfect!

In this country we have a judicial system.When a person commits a crime they pay thier debt to society.When they are done they deserve and are intitled to a second chance.

I guess you've never made any mistakes in your life.

What a shame.....It's from those mistake most of us learn about life.Allowing us to find some happiness.

I dont nor have I ever lived in a trailor.However, I am sure many nice people do dwell in them quite comfortably.

I can handle anything....Including your arrogant, cocky, and uncalled for accusations.

I dont deal drugs.I never have.I was protected from all of that.
Believe it or not.....ALOT of people use drugs of one kind or another recreationally.Marajuana,Alcohol,Cocaine,Speed,LSD,Etc.

I guess you've never had a drink before either.

You are very bitter old man.Someone who does not have a heart or Know what to do with one.

I actually feel sorry for people like you.My Husband (as you like to refer to him as) has one thing you will never have.Love for others and himself

People like you get theirs in the end.

As for your "Bend Over" comment.........I doubt that.Maybe for you but not for him.That was crude.

Not once have I said he was innocent.We took a chance and lost.Now we have to pay the price.We have never looked for handouts just common curtosy.

You are the one in dreamland......I would tell you to go straight to hell but you probably are already there.

 

[ace-red]

***BIG HUG FOR ANDI***

That wilky girl is right, mail mail mail! Mail gives him a sense of security that you are home 'waiting' for him to return. Visitation, although in my state was delayed 3-4 weeks for 'processing'. I watched as my boyfriend was cuffed and taken away from me. He too was guilty. Reckless Homicide. Wilky was also right about the phone. When he called it was always collect. Now that adds up. When he got out, I thought everything was good he had been clean for more than 2 yrs and was so excited to come home. We got married had a baby and things went downhill from there, started drinking and was abusive to our little girl. Out the door he went.
'a leapord CAN change his spots'
Remember that if you get cleaned up, there is not always a guarantee that he will. Prison may create a very different man, with different spots.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Re: ***BIG HUG FOR ANDI***

I watched as my boyfriend was cuffed and taken away from me. He too was guilty. Reckless Homicide. We got married had a baby and things went downhill from there, started drinking and was abusive to our little girl. Out the door he went. `a leapord CAN change his spots'
Prison may create a very different man, with different spots.

My response:

Way to go, Ace-Red!!

This is just what "Andi" needs, and needed, to read!!

IAAL

 

[Andi]

ACE-RED,

Thank you for your help. Unlike IAAL, you've come across as someone who is here to help not throw stones.

I've had many sleepless nights thinking of how this could change him for the good or bad.

All I can do is live one day at a time and do what makes me happy.

He has been abusive towards me in the past.He is italian and very controlling at time.I was his property and was to do what he said.Those were the worst times.I hope as he sobers up he realizes the mistakes of his past and changes.

If he does not then I am very prepared to move on with out him.

However, he is the father my child and we will always have that bond.I dont think in these situations you can ever totally separate from someone.

Thanks

 

[ace-red]

IIAL- Thanks I know now that it was the right choice. But then it wasn't so clear. The abuse toward me didn't start until after incarceration.

And to Andi:
You're right about the separation when there is a child. When I threw him out (actually I bought him a one-way ticket back to let his family take care of him, AND arranged for my Dad to take him to the airport) I wasn't sure if that was the thing to do, but my daughter and myself were more important. It's been 5 years since then and I know I did the right thing. YOU ARE GOD'S PROPERTY, YOU BELONG TO NO ONE, YOU ARE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND THE CARE OF YOUR CHILD. I'm sorry to yell, but it is a concept that takes alot of energy out of me. I see it NOW, but I wished someone would have yelled at me 9 yrs ago. My ex and I talk once a week. He still tries to intimidate me over the phone. I just hang up!
My thoughts and prayers go out to you, and your child.