How do they watch you on a no contact order?

[lambshelly]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

Hello, my boyfriend has a no contact order against him to see me. Here is what happened.

Last week my boyfriend was arrested for battery (I think that was the charge). He had fallen asleep early friday night and after about an hour I tried to wake him. He lashed out and hit me in the face, but never woke up. The next day I was outside and a neighbor saw the bruise and I told him what happened and HE called the police. (It should be noted that he was also making advances towards me that I did not want).

The police came and arrested my boyfriend even though I told them whaat happened and said that I did not want to press charges. I also told them that it looked worse than it was because I have always bruised easily and almost always have bruise on my arms and legs from bumping into things. My boyfriend has never hit me before, although he has tried to when several other times I have tried to wake him up.

I should note a few things, the night this happened he had only one wine cooler so he was not drunk. He was out in 90 degree heat for several hours which was why he was so tired, he fell asleep at 8:00 o'clock. I had a bruise on my face from a week earlier when I fell against the tub (again it looked worse than it was), and my boyfriend was so worried he called 911 for that one. So my face basically looked like he had beat the crap out of me.

Anyway I bailed him out of jail the next morning and signed the waiver on the no contact order. We spent Sunday together and he assured me that everything would turn out OK because of the circumstances surounding this incident. He had to go to court Monday and said that it was routine and not to worry about it. Boy was he wrong! Now my world seems to be falling apart.

Apparently they issued a new no contact order when he went to court. The day he was issued the no contact order he would not even answer my calls. Several hours after his scheduled court appointment he finally showed up with the police to get some clothes and things. It was a horrible seen, neither one of us could stop crying and the police would not even let him hug me good bye.

The next day he finally answered one of my calls and now several days have gone be and he will finally call me a couple times a day. He refuses to come over to see me because he is afraid that people are watching for him. He even thinks that they will look at his phone records to see if he called me or even supeona my phone records to see if we talked.

I want him to at least come back and spend a night or two with me. He refuses saying that he will get caught and go to prison. So instead he spends the nights in a motel. He wont even let me know which one because he says if I come over there he will have to leave or get arrested.

I just want to see him so bad and I think he is getting carried away with this whole mess. I try to tell him that we are just two people in this whole town who have never had any trouble before and that no one is watching us. He acts as though people are looking around every corner for him. I think that as long as no police are called here for anything we will be OK.

My question is how hard do they actually try to watch him while this no contact order is on? He acts as though he is now one of America's Most Wanted!! Is he right that he has to be that careful? Phone records, surveilance, coming to our apartment to loook for him? To me it sounds like he is either over reacting or beginning to leave me for good.

 

[fairisfair]

He is right to obey the no contact order, and you are a fool to try to get him to ignore it.

As for the rest of the story, tell it in court, perhaps the judge will believe you.

 

[xylene]

You are under reacting.

No cotact means no contact.

Do you want your boyfriends bail to get yanked?

New Charges too?

Let this thing run its course.

I am certain their is more to this than you are letting on.

Your story sounds very much like that of abused person.

 

[lambshelly]

I guess the only things that I am not telling are things that make ME look bad. I don;'t work, he does. I am on SSI and I know I drink too much. I was angry with him that night for falling asleep early.

I don't like being told I'm abused, he is very kind to me even though I can sometimes be mean to him. He is not a bad person.

I did also leave out that several months ago, March?, he called the police on me. I don't remember why but he left for about two weeks and no body ended up in any trouble.

 

[fairisfair]

I guess the only things that I am not telling are things that make ME look bad. I don;'t work, he does. I am on SSI and I know I drink too much. I was angry with him that night for falling asleep early.

I don't like being told I'm abused, he is very kind to me even though I can sometimes be mean to him. He is not a bad person.

I did also leave out that several months ago, March?, he called the police on me. I don't remember why but he left for about two weeks and no body ended up in any trouble.

sounds like the no contact order is the best thing, for BOTH of you.

 

[racer72]

Something a lot of folks don't realize is that a no contact order works both ways. You can be arrested for violating the order too.

 

[xylene]

I don't like being told I'm abused, he is very kind to me even though I can sometimes be mean to him. He is not a bad person.

I didn't say you were being abused.

I said "your story sounds very much like that of abused person."

Things that make it sound that way...

1) Rationalization of violent behavior.
2) That other people see the situation as more perilous than you.
3) That you claim that you are accident prone and easily bruised


It is possible that BF did just thrash around.
It is possible a guy wants you and is getting BF in trouble
It is possible that you are accident prone and a somehting like a hemophilliac...

But the clincher for me is the dependency on the BF for emotional support, at risk to him and yourself.

Toughen up and stay away until this is resolved.

Talk with the prosecutor with evidence that 1,2 and 3 are true.

Don't make it worse on BF or yourself.

 

[CdwJava]

Something a lot of folks don't realize is that a no contact order works both ways. You can be arrested for violating the order too.

It depends.

In many (most?) states they are one way unless both parties are charged or listed.

- Carl

 

[lambshelly]

OK, say now I believe him that it is serious. But I wanted to know if they really do all those things to try to catch you breaking their order. I just want to believe that he is not doing this to try and leave me. We have been together a year this month and lived together for 9 motnhs and he has been nicer to me then any of my past boyfriends. I apprecaite everything that you have said anyway.

Can anyone answer this. Now he wants to stop talking on the phone too, I think I siad something mean and angry on his voicemail, can you at least tell me if they can look at my phone records and will they. Is talking to him safe if I don't tell any one?

 

[CdwJava]

Can anyone answer this. Now he wants to stop talking on the phone too, I think I siad something mean and angry on his voicemail, can you at least tell me if they can look at my phone records and will they. Is talking to him safe if I don't tell any one?

Yes, they can. And if he has ticked anyone off or they get any calls, they just might do that.

Most states take domestic violence related protective orders very seriously. In fact, in CA it is one of the only "SHALL arrest" violations in state law (no "may", "can", "should", but "SHALL") ... that should tell you how seriously we take it here and elsewhere.

Talking to you violates the court order. Your attempting to encouarge him to violate the order demonstrates that you are either a classic victim and in serious need of his assertiveness, or that you are co-dependent. In either case you really should seek some form of counseling for what might be a lack of self-esteem or confidence.

Good luck.

- Carl

 

[tryingtoplease]

Chicka,

Been there, done that, got the tshirt. Get out now. I'm not kidding!

 

[stephenk]

" did also leave out that several months ago, March?, he called the police on me. I don't remember why but he left for about two weeks and no body ended up in any trouble."

How drunk were you that you can't remember why the police needed to be called?

 

[calatty]

Posts like this are always sad. She is obviously abused. "I bruise easily" and "he's never done this before" and "i woke him up and he lashed out" are standard excuses abused women make to justify staying with abusive men. This woman is going one step further and claiming he battered her in his sleep. No one who works in the criminal justice system believes these justifications. I hope you realize this is not love, there are millions of fish in the sea, and you deserve better before he beats the crap out of you until you are brain damaged or dead.

 

[acmb05]

Posts like this are always sad. She is obviously abused. "I bruise easily" and "he's never done this before" and "i woke him up and he lashed out" are standard excuses abused women make to justify staying with abusive men. This woman is going one step further and claiming he battered her in his sleep. No one who works in the criminal justice system believes these justifications. I hope you realize this is not love, there are millions of fish in the sea, and you deserve better before he beats the crap out of you until you are brain damaged or dead.

I am not doughting that this woman is abused, Nor I am doughting that this is a common excuse.

However I do the same thing when I am in a deep sleep and someone wakes me up. Usually by grabbing a hold of me and shaking me awake, but on occasion I have been known to jump up and swing when yelled at to wake up. This is actually a fairly common happening with people. Usually someone who has been in a combat situation, or was abused earlier in life. My wife has even video taped it to show me because I did not beleive I was doing it either.

So even though this woman may be getting the yogurt knocked out of her it is quite possible that the scenerio played out could have happened this way. As long as she is in denial about it (if she is being abused) then nothing you say will change her mind.

 

[acmb05]

Now for the OP. Since you did not go to court with him and he wont tell you what happened you have no idea what he was told in court. He very well could be watched and they could check his phone logs to see if he is contacting you.

Evidently someone testified to something and the Judge thought you were in serious enough danger that he made the order. So unless you want boyfriend in jail you need to stop calling him and making him feel bad becasue he won't come see you.