Actually, I think the CORRECT answer depends on several factors:
- As noted by HG, if the wife is fat and ugly, illegal.
- If the 'wife' is a domestic pet or farm animal, illegal.
- If the 'wife' is under 15 years old, illegal.
- If the 'wife' is green, has gills, and owns a spaceship, call the National Enquirer.
- If the 'wife' has 'cajones', call the mayor of San Francisco.
- If the 'wife' has a gun permit, call her 'sweetheart'.
- If the 'wife' has a blue dress with spots, call Bill Clinton.
- If the 'wife' looks like Pamela Anderson or Paris Hilton, go ahead and video, then call Playboy.
- If the 'wife' is male and under 14 years old, call Michael Jackson.
- If the 'wife' plays the banjo and yells, Sooyeee pig, call 'hexy'.
- If the 'wife' is named Cali-Bay, call a tow truck.