i was raped... i think

[always worried]

I have a disorder. I was real sick and had to stay home while my husband worked. we are recently married. An old lover of mine decided he would call me to check up on me. This guy called once a week and would even come by every once in a while, of course while my husbad was home. but he would he proded me for months about my sex life and i would answer.. my husband new about it all but didn't try to stop it. he thought it was harmless. then finely the guy and i set a date to cheat on my husband. BUT when he showed up i chickened out, and refused. he said no biggie... well to to make a long story short things hap[pened and i didn't want them to.. i said no tried to stop him and but just couldn't. is that really rape? I told my husband we reported it and i ( both men are military) went into CID and everything. but now it's been months and I'm haunted by the definition of is this rape? the police yelled at me and all... but theres been no more phone calls .. no polygraph ( which the threatened) nothing. BUt i'm not the one taking this guy to trial the federal government is. its a court martial. so do i need a lawyer? or is this even rape?
always worried

 

[calatty]

If you have to wonder, then it may not have been rape. Rape is generally defined as having intercourse with someone against that person's will and by means of force or fear of bodily injury. It would be rape if, for example, you said no and tried pushing him away, or he threatened to hurt/kill you. If you just uttered a feeble no, but went along with it, then it wasn't rape. Rape is a very serious offense. Depending on the jurisdiction and the nature of the offense, a convicted rapist could end up with a life sentence, and at the least a few years in prison. Before going through with such an accusation, you should be very sure that it is warranted.

 

[kat1963]

Well this guys life is now totally destroyed.....glad you decided it was rape when your husband came home. Most of us who are unlucky enough to have been raped, either don't report it, or report it right away. Sounds like your conscience is bothering you Dear...and thats one thing you will NEVER EVER escape from. If you are questioning yourself, I suggest you do something about it. Yup, gonna cost you your marriage....but that is small spuds compared to what this guy is going to go thru. His position is over, his name will be mud forever, FOREVER. All because you wanted to play games with him, your husband and your moral self.
You are questioning your own actions and you need to let someone know about it....Being a woman..I have this feeling..that while you might have said no... he kept going and well...you enjoyed it anyway but guilt got the better of you. You had been playing him for a while, guess he thought a few meek and mild No's throw in were just for show...now he pays in spades for it. NOT that I let him get off for a second messing with a married woman...does the penalty fit the crime?
These are just my thoughts on what you posted....I'm sure there is more to this story.
Do what is right.
KAT

 

[always worried]

i wasn't ever questioning it until after i got questioned harshly by the police. I know what happened. I said no ... i did what i could to stop this man. I didn't enjoy it. I think i would know. I never lied and i didn't decide it was rape. But thanks for the advice. I guess. I never wanted any of this to happen. but since i'm not the one pressing charges... the government is.. do i need a lawyer?? always worried

 

[sadnblue]

When you say no...and are emphatic, it means no. As you were told before, you must decide if you are simply feeling guilty because you cheated or if you were really assaulted. Unfortunately, a lot of police officers are still unable to treat rape victims as just that ...victims. They blame the woman for leading the man on, teasing him or even because of the way they dress. If you really tried to fight him and you were unsuccessful because of his strength, then you were raped. It sounds like you may need to seek the help of a counselor. There are several rape crisis centers in every area and they are confidential. I suggest that you get some help to deal with whatever the situation might be.

 

[always worried]

I did tell him no and i repeated it. over and over and over again. I tried to get away but i couldn't.He told me not to tell anyone what had happened and he came back later that night beating on my door. I didn't let him in but i didn't say anything till the next day. the whole time my husband was at work. I am going to counseling and all but it's been months since the investigation and all. Since the guy is military it's going to have to go to a court martial. This all happened in Ga. and i dropped civilian charges. but the gov't didn't. thier taking it to trial on" my behalf". I was really sick when this all happend to. I was on heavy narcotics for pain and i seize. these things still happen because of my disorder. Will i need a lawyer? and does any of that affect the trial? those are my main concerns. it's been atleast 3 to 4 months and i haven't even met a lawyer for any reason.
always worried

 

[sadnblue]

personally, i would suggest that you have an attorney just in case. talk to some attorneys and ask them over the phone if they feel you need representation. it could be costly but worth asking in your area. You may need someone to represent you on your behalf. why did you drop the charges in civilian court? because he was military?

 

[always worried]

I dropped the charges because of my medical condition. stress just makes it worse. I'm constantly in and out of the hospital. and going to a trial is going to add even more stress on my body. Not to mention i just want to move on and a trial isn't going to allow me or my husband to do that. thank you for the advice

 

[kat1963]

Look, you need to consult with a lawyer. You have strikes against you and you know it. You are already going to look like a game player and a liar....how to overcome that and be believed is not going to be an easy task. In addition, unless your past history is lily white they are going to make you look like a little word that beings with S. If you don't have a therapist, I suggest you find one. You have obvious issues that can not be delt with on this forum. You need one on one couseling. I'm sorry that you are ill, but it certainly didn't stop you from attempting to decieve your husband in the first place. And no, it didn't entitle this scum to force himself on you. The title of your post is after all: I was raped...I think...Most counties have rape crisis counseling that is FREE (I suggest this in addition a private therapist as you need to deal other things besides the rape, ie: infidelity/drama). You can probably even just call them on the phone if you don't want to show up in person. As far as the police are concerned, thats one of their tactics....they wanted you to have a melt down. And trust me, I'm sure they were alot harder on him. They weren't there and were seeking the truth. You need to have a goal, to get this behind you and to never, ever play games or cheat on your husband again. As you can see, it only leads to trouble, be glad the boyfriend didn't freak out and kill you. Now, what do you have to do to achieve that goal? SEE A LAWYER. SEEK THERAPY.
KAT

 

[LEELE]

YOU SAID "THE GUY AND I SET A DATE TO CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND" YOU SAID "I WAS RAPED I THINK"
HERE YOU ANSWERD ALL YOUR QUESTIONS.

 

[ccarter]

always worried,

give me a break. You first of all, were talking to this guy about your sex life???? Then you set a "date to cheat"???????

I say to you, PULEEEEEEEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nailtech]

how much pause was between the "Dont" and "Stop"?
was it... "Dont"......... "Stop"......... or "Dont Stop"?
I think your going to have a heck of a time proving you were raped... the court martial hearing may be to save the other guys reputation and prove you wrong. you obviously were not to sick to plan a"Cheat" date on your husband with an ex lover... I'm in agreement with Kat, Seek therapy.... there is no good ending to all this, one of the men are going to be seriously hurt in all this...