indecent soliciation of a child complaint and who can press charges

What is the name of your state? Missouri
Name of state involved with investigation: Illinois

I just need advice...not ethical ridicule because I know a few might believe I seriously cared for her as such while others would find it grossly unacceptable.

I am 21 and met a girl over the summer who was 14 over the internet. We fell for each other and wanted to go to her parents to tell them about me. The relationship was kept strictly online and was platonic w/ nothing lewd, indecent, obscene, or lasvicious said in our conversations. Aside from emotes which are common like hugs and cuddles, which were not meant in a lewd manner and are used by a number of people, nothing more than simple affection that a family member would exhibit was ever emoted. (this also doesn't mean this would occur in any sort of real setting nor was it implied it would be).

Now the weekend before I was going to come down to see her and, finally, meet her parents, her dad called me because he found the rough draft of a letter she was writing to me which talked about the age difference we had. Obviously he was upset (as any parent would be), he called the police and brought up an Indecent solicitation of a child complaint against me as well as told me not to come down to see them because I would be arrested. He also signed his computer as well as all of his daughter's personal belongings over to the police.

They ran the investigation for 4 days before coming back and saying they had found no objectionable material. So her dad had someone more "qualified" look at it, the local detective. He had the computer and her belongings for one more day then returned them to her dad, again not finding objectionable material.

Shortly thereafter, I received an email from the detective telling me that even though no charges were being pressed, that it doesn't mean there weren't merits to the case. He also said that the decision not to press charges was not the choice of the state, and if I was found contacting her he would personally prosecute me for every offense available.

My questions are as follows with regard to me being in a different state as well:

When the decision was made to file a complaint and alert the police, who's choice is it to press charges? (I know in cases of domestic abuse it is the choice of the police if they are called during the incident).

Who's choice is it to press charges when a felony charge is obtainable as opposed to just a misdemeanor or infraction?

Since the father tried to involve the FBI after said incidences w/ the police, and they refused to do anything and said it was up to the state - was this because of lack of evidence? or It wasn't worthy of any felony charge (since it was across state lines due to the form of communication)?

Are there any other possible charges I could receive that I am unaware of because I talked to a minor, even though it wasn't inappropriate?

Can the detective who sent me an email just be lying to scare me or could their be validity to his response, and if so was the email a formal police warning? Even though I didn't sign anything nor did he obtain my email through the means of any official venue that could provide the email was actually my own. (essentially he might have sent the email to a stranger because the profile on the website gave an alias as well as an optional email address, which therefore wasnt under law to be the accurate and correct email address).

How long will the investigation last if all of the confiscated material has been returned? Or is it already over even though they had a detective investigate?

Can the detective lie in this "unofficial" email to me regarding the merits of this case, if there are indeed no merits to this case and he was merely trying to scare me?

In general, do I have anything more than a restraining order to be concerned about if I respond to her contacting me since I have said nothing objectionable to her nor implied it (which was said to be the case twice by police investigation).

Thank you for your time and answering the questions.

[CdwJava]

Yes, he coul dbe lying. And, yes, you could face some kind of charges if you continue to contact her against the parents' wishes. Should they choose to obtain a restraining order against you, that will have some lasting effects (possibly including relinquishing any and all firearms, disqualifying you for government loans, and being a pretty black stain on any employment background). Additionally, if she should happen to run away or defy her parents, and you are seen to be the cause, you coul dbe charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

And, in case you were wondering, mom and dad have ABSOLUTE CONTROL over who their minor child sees. If she runs away to see you, or gets out of their control, you CAN be charged with a criminal offense.

Just WHAT are you thinking?

And expect that if you DO show up, that dad may pop you one right in the kisser. And I would doubt that the cops would care a whit that he did so.

- Carl

[stephenk]

are you ugly or grossly overweight or are those 21 year old women just too much for you?

"I just need advice...not ethical ridicule because I know a few might believe I seriously cared for her as such while others would find it grossly unacceptable."

There was no reason for your reply, stephenk, with what i requested. I asked for advice in a legal question, and your post had nothing to add to or benefit the thread.

I appreciate the advice from java, even though it was still opted to add moral opinion at least you helped. I thank you for that.

Since I figured I couldn't post without someone replying with a negative opinion w/o at least giving some advice (stephenk) - I have chosen to wait for her because I love her and it was never about sex...nor was it that I am ugly or overweight...or I can't handle people my own age, quite the opposite in fact. You chose to judge me which I had asked not to because then I would have to go into severe detail about everything. I still won't, but I feel it is very possible to have a righteous love with her - it doesn't mean I'm some troglodyte or social outcast. I am, indeed, going against what a good deal of people find acceptable, but I have also kept everything in accordance to law.

Now with what happened with her parents, I needed advice to find the best choice for the future of our relationship. I also needed to know who's choice it was to press charges since the complaint was filed with police and an investigation was held, which is why I used the domestic abuse example to see if someone could clarify this for me. I don't want to hurt our chances or make it more difficult than it already is because I overlooked a law.

Thank you again for your response java. I appreciate it and shall take heed in these next few difficult decisions I have to make.

Now that I have thorougly gone offtrack feel free to answer the other questions left unanswered for me. Thanks again.

[CdwJava]

How long will the investigation last if all of the confiscated material has been returned? Or is it already over even though they had a detective investigate?

It can last as long as it lasts. The SOL is probably at LEAST one year for a misdemeanor, so they have at least that long to do something.

Can the detective lie in this "unofficial" email to me regarding the merits of this case, if there are indeed no merits to this case and he was merely trying to scare me?

Yes, he can lie to you.

And how does one know they are in love without ever having met someone? On-line romances happen all the time, and I rarely hear of them working out ... and personally know of none that have, but many who have tried.

But, since the chances are that if you meet this girl it will be against her parents' wishes, you had better be ready for legal consequences. Or, you wait til she's 18.

You just better hope that dad doesn't have a gun or an iron fist.

- Carl

No plans on going aginst her parents wishes there. I don't want to amplify anything that is "stable" as it is. Thank you again, you have been most helpful. Also to note: I am from a different state then where the complaint was filed (although not far from the state line). If that creates complications feel free to inform me.

I still need to know who's decision it is to press charges. As far as I have discovered because they brought it to the attention of police, it is up to the police to press charges or if it were a possible felony conviction it's the state's choice. I may be wrong for the state of Illinois, which is why I asked the question so I could either be disproven or backed up.

Thank you again, java. I very much appreciate the advice regarding the legal issues.

[CdwJava]

It depends on the crime. Some require a victim to press charges (the child or her family, perhaps) and in other cases it requires only the state. I know that in CA even of everyone is happy with a sexual relationship between a child and an adult, the state can file charges even of the crime is a misdemeanor. I suspect it's the same there.

The police write the report, the DA pursues charges if there is a crime under state law.

- Carl

[calatty]

It is always the state's decision to bring charges, more specifically, the DA. The DA can press charges even if the victim does not want to. You are overthinking this issue. It is very simple: if you continue to pursue a relationship of any kind with this girl, you will end up in prison, state or federal. And if you think you "love" a 14-year-old, you are in very serious need of counseling. That is not an ethical judgment, but a fact.

[Maerik2]

Essentially it has been awhile since I logged in and in my numerous passwords i use for various things have forgotten this one - which the password recovery email never came over the course of the past couple weeks of attempting. So this Maerik2 is Maerik who posted and started this thread.

Update on the situation - essentially everything has taken a wonderful turn for the better. I composed a 24 page letter and sent it to her parents telling them how I felt, our situation, characteristics they already saw with their daughter that makes her special in comparison to others within her age group, etc. They have invited me to spend christmas with them so we can get to know each other...and our families...they are letting our relationship exist. It is of course a pure and loving one...and a surprisingly wonderful turn of events.

So those...or rather the one saying I needed counseling (calatty)- The parents see the type of person I am...even though a relationship like this is rather unorthodox it doesn't mean that it can never happen...or that it can't be pure and honest with unique individuals that truly do care for one another. As the rather trite saying goes "Love knows no bounds" I would agree, but I also feel that love should be pure...and absent of lust...which I think is why you chose to put love in quotes because thats all you may feel I am capable of (lust). Plus advising me to seek counseling because I have fallen in love with someone who is 14 years old is an ethical judgement. If I were to say homosexuality is incorrect - that is an ethical judgement (one that would have been more widely accepted 50 years ago, sadly). Any opinion made on how I should handle anything other than my previous legal situation would be an ethical judgement...or decision. Either way, I merely requested no ethical judgement, and you can say what you wish. I am just saying you were wrong in stating that it is a fact unless you can document this fact with case studies and sources, and prove to everyone that a relationship like this has never worked out and the older party always needed counseling; it is only an opinion - a judgement. If you can prove it is indeed a fact - more power to you.

Thanks again for the advice, java, it ended up not being needed (which is better in the long run), but I appreciate it nonetheless.

[howamidoing]

This is too amusing, I think someone should look into a situation where any parent would let their 14 yr old child have a relationship with anyone so much older...male or female...

[CdwJava]

Plus advising me to seek counseling because I have fallen in love with someone who is 14 years old is an ethical judgement.

Actually, it's a legal question - and illegal.

- Carl

[You Are Guilty]

Let me break out my crystal ball one last time before the holidays. Mmm-hmmm, I can see it now:

Girl's Father: Creepy pervert guy! So nice of you to come spend Christmas with my family and underage daughter! Please, come in!

Creepy Pervert: Gee, thanks Girl's Dad! I knew sending you a 24 page manifesto was the best way to prove I'm not weird!

Girl's Father: Damn straight, Skippy! Say, before we eat, why don't you come out to the backyard - I got you a little something for Christmas and I can't wait till tomorrow.

C.P.: How nice! I'm ashamed to say I didn't get anything for you other than my forbidden love for your 14 year old. But hey, you know what they say, "it's the thought" and all.

G.F.: Don't worry about it. Here. Come see your gift!

C.P.: Uhm, OK. Where is it? All I see is a big hole in the ground.

G.F.: Oh - it's down at the bottom. Go ahead and look.

C.P.: I don't see anything.


BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

G.F. (After an hour of shoveling dirt): Yeah, me either.





FIN.

[Maerik2]

Yes because they would really spend a substantial amount of money on me...to come down and then kill me.

There was never anything illegal within our relationship nor will there be...and boyfriend and girlfriend are just titles. Is there a law that states that a platonic relationship can't exist between two people of age differences such as in our case?

If so could you point me to a place I can reference it?

Thanks

[You Are Guilty]

Originally Posted by Maerik2

Yes because they would really spend a substantial amount of money on me...to come down and then kill me.

There was never anything illegal within our relationship nor will there be...and boyfriend and girlfriend are just titles. Is there a law that states that a platonic relationship can't exist between two people of age differences such as in our case?

If so could you point me to a place I can reference it?

Thanks

It's the same law that says a minor child is under the control of his or her parent until the age of majority.

And as for flying you in just to kill you, well, let's just say I wouldn't be surprised at all if you had an "accident" while visiting. The holidays are a very dangerous time you know.

[howamidoing]

Originally Posted by Maerik2

Yes because they would really spend a substantial amount of money on me...to come down and then kill me.

There was never anything illegal within our relationship nor will there be...and boyfriend and girlfriend are just titles. Is there a law that states that a platonic relationship can't exist between two people of age differences such as in our case?

If so could you point me to a place I can reference it?

Thanks

I think you should make up your mind whether your in love with her, because remember you fell for each other OR its platonic..hmmmm maybe I should break out the old dictionary and look up the definitions for Love and Platonic..last time I looked they were completely different!