My son is a loser

[helpless_CA]

What is the name of your state? CA

This is not a joke. It is truely embarrassing for me to post this here.

I'm a 67 year old father with a 31 year old son, John (a drug addict), still living with me. Without my knowledge, John used my name to open a cell phone account about six months ago and rang up more than $1400 in phone bill in less than 3 months. I didn't find out about this until 2 months ago when my son forgot to throw away the bill. I immediately called the company and told them I was not responsible for the account and they should bill John instead. The company told me that since John lives with me, they don't consider this a fraudulent account and I'm held 100% liable for it.

Can the company really do this? I already filed a police report and told them about John. Nevertheless, I don't want to press charge against him since John was in jail before for theft and assault. If he gets lock up again, it might be a while before he could get out.
Furthermore, the police investigator told me it is extremely difficult to prosecute John since we are related and this type of cases are very common. I totally don't know what to do. John had stolen my money and credit cards many times before. I kicked John out of the house numerous times but he managed to come back everytime.........by picking the locks, climbing the windows, breaking the doors,etc. I'm extremely stressed and tired. Please help! Thanks.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

This is now your second post with the same exact information. In both posts, you said:

"I don't want to press charge against him."

Well, then what would you like us to do for you?

You have created your own hell, and you refuse to do anything about it.

IAAL

 

[helpless_CA]

......

I understand I'm partly responsible for his actions and I'm sort of contradicting myself. As I said before, I kicked him out numerous time with no success. He's my son........I still care about him deep in my heart no matter what he did. I don't know what to do and I know there's not much other people can do for me either. I'm just using this board as a way to express my feelings since I'm too embarrassed to tell this to my real life friends and relatives.

 

[Fred Flintstone]

Loser Son

This is not as uncommon as you may think. I too had a loser son and know many others in our circle of friends and family who also have a loser son. Drug addiction is almost always involved and run ins with the law. Our son was 21 years old and thought he ruled the world, or at least our world. He actually had us afraid to come home at night. Anyway without going into too much details I went to the court house and filed a restraining order and an exclusion of property, I believe that is the term to have him removed from our home. After being removed from our home we gave him a choice. Clean up your act and be a part of our family or stay away and live your life your way. This may sound cruel but we too love our son very much. This was very hard to do, we had to prepare ourselves to do this. Well he cose to be part of the family, he got into a rehab clinic and in 3 months he was clean and back at home. Today he holds a decent job and is going to be married to a very nice gal. He is now 22 years old. Good luck with your son, be tough and you too may see good results.
Peace.

 

[MSWCCC]

Honey, you MUST inflict some tough love. My brother was in such big trouble at 15, so much so that my parents had him removed from the house and put in one of those Scared-Straight programs. They were not going to let him screw up his life and end up dead. They had to be very harsh with him. But it worked. My 17-year-old cousin, ono the other hand, was along the same path. She now has two kids and is pregnant with a third (yes, at SEVENTEEN!), and has been in jeuvie a few times. Her mom says she loves her too much to get her in trouble. Sorry to say, my cousin will get herself killed. You MUST report your son. Otherwise he will know he can take advantage of you. Maybe jail time is what he needs to get him to see the error of his ways. He doesn't care. Honey, the best thing you can do for him is the hard thing. The easy way (letting him off) is often the wrong way. Sorry, but it's the truth. He's walking all over you and you are lettin ghim. He will eat up any savings you have (assuming he hasn't already) and where will that leave you when you want to retire? Taking care of a big brat rather than enjoying your later years. I am 21, my brother is 19. We both have our own places. Your son is 31 and living at home, taking advantage of you. Think about it. He needs help and he won't get it unless he's forced to take it in jail.

 

[knorris]

we've all been there...

you are not alone, almost all of us have dealt with a simular situation. the phone company will hold you responsible unless you are willing to press charges against your son and also until you do stop being a crutch for your son he will continue to steal from you, lie to you and live his choice of destructive life style. i say this only because i have the experience from dealing with my own drug addicted sister who proved she was willing to steal from me and the rest of her family including our mother and even her own children, she one time stole a brand new box of checks from me and my husband and went shopping for thousands of dollars worth of stuff that we have no doubt all was traded for drug it was at this point when we were facing paying off over four thousand dollars worth of checks she had written on our account and facing legal charges of hot checks because we are not rich folks and did not have near enough money in the bank to cover all the checks she had written that we were told to either let her skip by AGAIN or get some tough love and make her deal with her demons.. so we did and dont think it was not the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life, sign the papers to have my sister prosocuted and arrested and jailed were she still is today while we now are raising her kids. and in the beginning she did tell me often how she hated my guts !!! but ask hertoday and she will tell you that by my taken action to but a stop to her destructive life she thanks me every day and loves me and knows that it was love that made me use tough love on her she will be released sept 30 2002 and now has a good clean future ahead of her where we will be working hard to return her kids to living with her and watching her return to the role of loving mom and no longer a drug user just a recovering addict, as long as you enable your son to do this things to you he will only you can put a stop to being abused by your son. GOOD LUCK TO YOU...

 

[SZQ_Public]

I agree with everyone's advice. But I know how difficult it is to do.

For me it was the thought that my husband was going to kill himself with the drugs that finally opened my eyes. I guess you could say I could handle all the bull**** he put me though, but the thought of completely losing him, I could not handle.

It might be the best possible thing for him to be prosecuted and imprisoned for stealing your identy and leaving you holding the bills.

Until someone is ready to get help they will find a way to use. Of course that shouldn't stop us from trying to get them help.. My mother in law says you throw enough mud at someone eventually some of it will stick... (looks like its finally sticking)

GOOD LUCK with your son.