What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Iowa
Let me preface the following by saying I haven't been accused of anything, but I am a little worried about a situation that went down approximately 10 days ago. I'll provide the abridged version of the story, but won't leave out any of the important details.
As I mentioned, approximately 10 days ago, I met a job recruiter to discuss a potential job opportunity. She had contacted me via email several days earlier about the position and wanted to meet in person to discuss. She suggested we meet at a bar after work as it was "happy hour" and they had 2 for 1 specials. I thought it a little weird to be discussing a potential job over drinks, but what the hell? I was interested in the position and didn't plan on staying past our discussion of the job opportunity.
Anyway, so I meet this lady who is approximately 10 years my senior. We discussed the job for about an hour or so and it became pretty evident I wasn't qualified. Nevertheless, she and I were sort of "hitting it off" and having fun talking, so we decided to stay for a while and have some more drinks. She mentioned the bar had karaoke at 9:00 and I reluctantly agreed to stay and sing a couple of tunes with her. After each song, the karaoke person will give you a shot (of what, I'm not sure). She and I sang a couple of tunes together and she sang at least 2 or 3 more with another gentleman in the bar. We ended up closing down the bar and driving separately to my apartment. I would say by this time we each had 5-6 beers and I had at least 1-2 shots; she probably had a couple more than I did given she'd sang more karaoke tunes.
So we get back to my place, start messing around a little, but did NOT have sexual intercourse. She seemed perfectly coherent at the time and the entire encounter was consentual. There was never a moment where she said or even implied "no". Had she done so, I would've stopped immediately. After about 20 min or so of making out, her stomach started rumbling I could tell she was about to to vomit...and she did. She threw up all over my apartment (ended up having to rent a Rug Doctor a couple days later to clean the mess up). Anyway, she left my apartment after being there for maybe 30-45 min and notwithstanding the fact she'd thrown up, she seemed okay. I just assumed when she left the apartment, she got in her car and went home. Well, that wasn't the case.
So I go to work the next morning and get a voice mail from a police detective asking if I know of this woman's whereabouts as she didn't go home that night and her family was panicked. I then drove back to the apartment, see her car is STILL parked in the lot, so I go to investigate and she's not inside the car. I then go back into my apartment, see her coat, keys, and phone inside. I immediately called the detective back and he told me they found her passed out in her car in the parking lot. They were able to track her to my place as her family checked the calendar on her computer at home and saw she was meeting with me. I'm assuming they got my address from my resume. He told me that he asked her if I'd done anything to her, and he told me she replied "no". They found her between 11:00 and 12:00 and she was apparently somewhat incoherent, so the police called EMS and she went to the hospital for evaluation. So the detective then drives over to my apartment, we meet in the lot and I gave him her things. He asked me a few questions about what went down the night before, but never asked anything specific relative to our encounter inside the apartment. I did voluntarily tell him though that we had messed around, but did not have sex. I said she had gotten sick and vomited all over the place. I even asked him if he wanted to come inside the apartment to see for himself -- hell, I had nothing to hide. He declined and actually appeared relatively aloof about the deal, seeming to imply it wasn't a big deal and that it got blown way out proportion given the fact she had passed out in her van and the family was in a panic and had called police, and that I was the last one to see her.
He then calls me later that afternoon, asking if we had been doing any drugs that night or if she had mentioned any rx drugs she was on. I told him the truth that I don't do drugs, nor did I see her do any, and that she had never mentioned any rx drugs she was taking. He also asked (in a roundabout way) if I had slipped her anything. I again told him the truth -- absolutely not nor would I even know where to find sh!t like that, assuming I was sick and twisted enough to drug someone. He said the hospital was keeping her for evaluation because her sodium levels were extremely low. At that time, I flat out asked him if I was being accused of anything and said, "no, not at all". They were apparently just trying to figure out why her sodium levels were so low. He went on to say there wasn't even an open police investigation.
So, that's the story. This lady has since emailed me in the last week wanting me to shed light on what happened that night. She claims she remembers nothing after leaving the bar that night -- doesn't remember driving to my apartment, doesn't remember if we did anything in the apartment; claims she doesn't remember a damned thing after leaving the bar that night. She said the doctors and nurses all believe she was drugged and apparently they're waiting on the "tests" to come back. I wrote her back, told her what happened, and flat out asked her in the email if I was being accused of anything. She responded with "no, you're not accused of anything...they're just trying to figure out what happened". She said one of the reasons for low sodium levels is heavy amounts of alcohol combined with the drug Ecstasy. She said she wasn't pointing the finger at me, but that the doctors believed she was drugged. She also said she to meet with DHS the next day because they got word she left her 3 kids (ages 6, 9 and 12) at home. She claims she's never left her kids alone before.
There were quite a few people in the bar that night, so I suppose it's possible somebody could have slipped her something. I sure as sh!t did NOT, nor would it ever cross my mind to drug someone. For all I know, she was doing drugs that night or maybe she has some rx med that threw her sodium levels way out of whack. She didn't appear to be the drug abusing type, but who the hell knows? I guess I'm just nervous that if they do/did find something in her system, they could somehow point the finger at me? Logically, I just don't see how. Also, she claims she doesn't remember anything after leaving the bar. If she was in fact drugged, could she claim that anything that happened was therefore nonconsentual and I could somehow be accused of sexual assault, etc? I mean, the woman drove to the apartment of her own volition and she seemed perfectly fine when she got there, at least until she started puking. And as I mentioned above, she never once said or implied "no" when we were messing around. No definitely means no, at least in my book -- I would never force myself on a woman and if I even thought for second that she was too out of it to consent, I wouldn't go near her. I know there are some crazy sickos out there that would, but I'm not one of them. But I am curious...what if we actually DID have sex and the same scenario played out. She doesn't remember anything and they have physical evidence that we had sex. Would that in anyway shape or form, constitute sexual assault or rape? Or does that only prove that sex indeed DID occur?
I'm sure there is nothing to worry about, but the entirety of the situation just got me a little freaked out. I don't have a criminal record and would never in a million years drug someone or force myself sexually on anyone. You just hear stories about guys getting falsely accused of sexual assault and/or rape because maybe the woman feels guilty about what went down, etc. I did call the detective about a week ago to check the status of this whole thing or to see if he needed anything further, but he never responded. I'm assuming maybe he has more pressing matters? Also, if I was being accused of something, wouldn't they have searched my apartment, etc and treated it as a crime scene? I just want to put this thing behind me and chalk it up to a lesson learned -- don't ever meet a good looking recruiter at a bar and let her come back to your place!
I know this got way too long, but any comments or answers to the above questions would be greatly appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Let me preface the following by saying I haven't been accused of anything, but I am a little worried about a situation that went down approximately 10 days ago. I'll provide the abridged version of the story, but won't leave out any of the important details.
As I mentioned, approximately 10 days ago, I met a job recruiter to discuss a potential job opportunity. She had contacted me via email several days earlier about the position and wanted to meet in person to discuss. She suggested we meet at a bar after work as it was "happy hour" and they had 2 for 1 specials. I thought it a little weird to be discussing a potential job over drinks, but what the hell? I was interested in the position and didn't plan on staying past our discussion of the job opportunity.
Anyway, so I meet this lady who is approximately 10 years my senior. We discussed the job for about an hour or so and it became pretty evident I wasn't qualified. Nevertheless, she and I were sort of "hitting it off" and having fun talking, so we decided to stay for a while and have some more drinks. She mentioned the bar had karaoke at 9:00 and I reluctantly agreed to stay and sing a couple of tunes with her. After each song, the karaoke person will give you a shot (of what, I'm not sure). She and I sang a couple of tunes together and she sang at least 2 or 3 more with another gentleman in the bar. We ended up closing down the bar and driving separately to my apartment. I would say by this time we each had 5-6 beers and I had at least 1-2 shots; she probably had a couple more than I did given she'd sang more karaoke tunes.
So we get back to my place, start messing around a little, but did NOT have sexual intercourse. She seemed perfectly coherent at the time and the entire encounter was consentual. There was never a moment where she said or even implied "no". Had she done so, I would've stopped immediately. After about 20 min or so of making out, her stomach started rumbling I could tell she was about to to vomit...and she did. She threw up all over my apartment (ended up having to rent a Rug Doctor a couple days later to clean the mess up). Anyway, she left my apartment after being there for maybe 30-45 min and notwithstanding the fact she'd thrown up, she seemed okay. I just assumed when she left the apartment, she got in her car and went home. Well, that wasn't the case.
So I go to work the next morning and get a voice mail from a police detective asking if I know of this woman's whereabouts as she didn't go home that night and her family was panicked. I then drove back to the apartment, see her car is STILL parked in the lot, so I go to investigate and she's not inside the car. I then go back into my apartment, see her coat, keys, and phone inside. I immediately called the detective back and he told me they found her passed out in her car in the parking lot. They were able to track her to my place as her family checked the calendar on her computer at home and saw she was meeting with me. I'm assuming they got my address from my resume. He told me that he asked her if I'd done anything to her, and he told me she replied "no". They found her between 11:00 and 12:00 and she was apparently somewhat incoherent, so the police called EMS and she went to the hospital for evaluation. So the detective then drives over to my apartment, we meet in the lot and I gave him her things. He asked me a few questions about what went down the night before, but never asked anything specific relative to our encounter inside the apartment. I did voluntarily tell him though that we had messed around, but did not have sex. I said she had gotten sick and vomited all over the place. I even asked him if he wanted to come inside the apartment to see for himself -- hell, I had nothing to hide. He declined and actually appeared relatively aloof about the deal, seeming to imply it wasn't a big deal and that it got blown way out proportion given the fact she had passed out in her van and the family was in a panic and had called police, and that I was the last one to see her.
He then calls me later that afternoon, asking if we had been doing any drugs that night or if she had mentioned any rx drugs she was on. I told him the truth that I don't do drugs, nor did I see her do any, and that she had never mentioned any rx drugs she was taking. He also asked (in a roundabout way) if I had slipped her anything. I again told him the truth -- absolutely not nor would I even know where to find sh!t like that, assuming I was sick and twisted enough to drug someone. He said the hospital was keeping her for evaluation because her sodium levels were extremely low. At that time, I flat out asked him if I was being accused of anything and said, "no, not at all". They were apparently just trying to figure out why her sodium levels were so low. He went on to say there wasn't even an open police investigation.
So, that's the story. This lady has since emailed me in the last week wanting me to shed light on what happened that night. She claims she remembers nothing after leaving the bar that night -- doesn't remember driving to my apartment, doesn't remember if we did anything in the apartment; claims she doesn't remember a damned thing after leaving the bar that night. She said the doctors and nurses all believe she was drugged and apparently they're waiting on the "tests" to come back. I wrote her back, told her what happened, and flat out asked her in the email if I was being accused of anything. She responded with "no, you're not accused of anything...they're just trying to figure out what happened". She said one of the reasons for low sodium levels is heavy amounts of alcohol combined with the drug Ecstasy. She said she wasn't pointing the finger at me, but that the doctors believed she was drugged. She also said she to meet with DHS the next day because they got word she left her 3 kids (ages 6, 9 and 12) at home. She claims she's never left her kids alone before.
There were quite a few people in the bar that night, so I suppose it's possible somebody could have slipped her something. I sure as sh!t did NOT, nor would it ever cross my mind to drug someone. For all I know, she was doing drugs that night or maybe she has some rx med that threw her sodium levels way out of whack. She didn't appear to be the drug abusing type, but who the hell knows? I guess I'm just nervous that if they do/did find something in her system, they could somehow point the finger at me? Logically, I just don't see how. Also, she claims she doesn't remember anything after leaving the bar. If she was in fact drugged, could she claim that anything that happened was therefore nonconsentual and I could somehow be accused of sexual assault, etc? I mean, the woman drove to the apartment of her own volition and she seemed perfectly fine when she got there, at least until she started puking. And as I mentioned above, she never once said or implied "no" when we were messing around. No definitely means no, at least in my book -- I would never force myself on a woman and if I even thought for second that she was too out of it to consent, I wouldn't go near her. I know there are some crazy sickos out there that would, but I'm not one of them. But I am curious...what if we actually DID have sex and the same scenario played out. She doesn't remember anything and they have physical evidence that we had sex. Would that in anyway shape or form, constitute sexual assault or rape? Or does that only prove that sex indeed DID occur?
I'm sure there is nothing to worry about, but the entirety of the situation just got me a little freaked out. I don't have a criminal record and would never in a million years drug someone or force myself sexually on anyone. You just hear stories about guys getting falsely accused of sexual assault and/or rape because maybe the woman feels guilty about what went down, etc. I did call the detective about a week ago to check the status of this whole thing or to see if he needed anything further, but he never responded. I'm assuming maybe he has more pressing matters? Also, if I was being accused of something, wouldn't they have searched my apartment, etc and treated it as a crime scene? I just want to put this thing behind me and chalk it up to a lesson learned -- don't ever meet a good looking recruiter at a bar and let her come back to your place!
I know this got way too long, but any comments or answers to the above questions would be greatly appreciated.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?