OFP Violation Question

[DChristian112]

What is the name of your state? Minnesota

Okay, In November of 2002, I was dating "pyscho boy". After I realized he was pyscho, (he threatened to kill my kids, yeah I know, I can pick em)
Anyway- I got a restraining order on him. He was not to come within a two clock radius of my home, my parents home, or my place of employemnt.
Ok, this creep has violated the ofp like 12 times. Calling me, third party contact, stalking me. He has even confessed to it all.
Why did it take until January 2003 for anyone to do a thing about it? (The police to do anything)
I called every dang time he did it.( Called the police, made a report, gave a witness statement) I had witnesses. Me, my children, family members, whatever.
He had his intial hearing on Feb. 10, 2003.
On February 28, he was scheduled to have an evidentary hearing, but he withdrew the from the evidentary hearing, and opted to procedd right into trial.
I am wondering- what does this mean for him? Wouldn't his attorney recommend that he have an evidentary hearing?
Pleae advise.
Thanks.

 

[hmmbrdzz]

I don't know why it took the police so long. 12 times is a lot of contact. I have no idea what it will mean for him or why his attorney is defending him the way he is. If you are truly in fear of what he might do to you or your children, you may need to consider the next alternative (personal safety). You may want to call the sheriff's office and find out about personal safety. If he is violating a restraining order like that, chances are he's not going to stop -- even when he gets out of jail (if he goes to jail). Make a paper trail (sounds like you've got it). Don't let him run your life. Learn all you can about personal safety for you and your kids. Learn how to feel safe. You've got that right.

Good luck.


hmmbrdzz

 

[mobopp]

Okay, In November of 2002, I was dating "pyscho boy". After I realized he was pyscho, (he threatened to kill my kids, yeah I know, I can pick em)
===================

...I bet he tried to wine you and dine you and the kids and paid all the bills on a date....

That is usually clue #1, he's a weirdo!

 

[DChristian112]

Well, I am in the midst of getting involved with this domestic abuse safety program, it is to help me establish a "safety plan" should Psycho ever get into my home while I am there.
I have been considering getting a gun... but I have kids, so no.
I am hoping that once he goes to trial, and if he goes to jail afterwards, that he will get the point, but I am afraid that he will just get more steamed up, and do something crazy.
I am not about to relocate from this place. I will just take self-defense classes, and be ready to kick butt.
Thanks!

 

[hmmbrdzz]

Well, I am in the midst of getting involved with this domestic abuse safety program, it is to help me establish a "safety plan" should Psycho ever get into my home while I am there.
I have been considering getting a gun... but I have kids, so no.
I am hoping that once he goes to trial, and if he goes to jail afterwards, that he will get the point, but I am afraid that he will just get more steamed up, and do something crazy.
I am not about to relocate from this place. I will just take self-defense classes, and be ready to kick butt.
Thanks!

My response: Good going on the safety program. The domestic safety program will also tell you what to do once -- if he is incarcerated -- he gets near release. Good luck, and kick butt if need be !


hmmbrdzz

 

[mobopp]

it is to help me establish a "safety plan"
=======

I know this is polictically incorrect as we are ALWAYS to blame the man.

But YOUR safety plan should also include for you to be finacially solvent, and to be able to pay your own bills.

Also you should EQUALLY PAY for dates with a man, Or why cant a woman say.."its friday night i just got paid lets go out, i'm paying?"...if the man get upset, get rid of him fast.

Abusers need helpless women, and that means finacially and emotionally, so taking self defense classes may prevent an physcial attack, but what about a Financial attack?

This is somthing the Womens movement REFUSES to acknowledge : That 2 Full income couples/families have a small fraction of domestic abuse, compare to a single wage earner.

 

[DChristian112]

MoBobb

What are you talking about?
Quote: "I know this is polictically incorrect as we are ALWAYS to blame the man.

But YOUR safety plan should also include for you to be finacially solvent, and to be able to pay your own bills.

Also you should EQUALLY PAY for dates with a man, Or why cant a woman say.."its friday night i just got paid lets go out, i'm paying?"...if the man get upset, get rid of him fast.

Abusers need helpless women, and that means finacially and emotionally, so taking self defense classes may prevent an physcial attack, but what about a Financial attack?

This is somthing the Womens movement REFUSES to acknowledge : That 2 Full income couples/families have a small fraction of domestic abuse, compare to a single wage earner."

He is not the father of my kids, and I was never married to him, and we never lived together, I am financially independent, and fully believe all relationships are equal- whether it be date costs, or whatever. This mad never supported me, and i would never ask a man to do so. My children's father supports them, and that is all I ask.
I guess I got alittle confused on what you were talking about.
Thanks.

 

[njmom]

DChristian????

But aren't you expecting his child?

 

[hmmbrdzz]

Am I missing something? Where in the heck does it say she is expecting his child? If by chance she is, she can still attempt (and can prevail) to keep this abusive man out of their lives in the future. So that she can provide for herself, she does need to be financially independent (very important) so she is not dependent on some psycho butthole to provide for her and her kids. That's the number one thing a woman needs to do in order to be able to CHOOSE her men instead of men choosing her. Have you ever seen a woman who has no income other than her husband's or boyfriend's and gets the snot beat out of her and won't leave because of financial insecurity. Nothing makes me madder. That is the number one reason women stay. Give 'em a pocket full of money, and they'll be gone. Woman needs money, woman needs job, woman needs education. Remedy? Get all three.


hmmbrdzz

 

[DChristian112]

nj mom

No, I am not expecting his child.

For hmmbrzz- I would never depend on a man.
The first time he threatened me, and my kids, I was through with him. I am not stupid. I will never let a man control my life. I think that is why he is so pyscho. He cannot take rejection.

(and think about this, he claims to og moved on with his life- as he reported to my friend, new g/f - who is 17 none the less, and i ended it three months ago!!!!!)

thanks for all of the advice people!

 

[njmom]

my bad, DChristian........

I was on child support, custody and visitaion and had gotten you confused with someone else!! Take care!

 

[Beth3]

"This is somthing the Womens movement REFUSES to acknowledge : That 2 Full income couples/families have a small fraction of domestic abuse, compare to a single wage earner."

Huh? Mobopp, what does that have to do with anything? And certainly it's not true of the "women's movement," whatever that means. (Sorry to burst your bubble but we ladies are not members of some secret or organized society out to "get" men, achieve world dominance, or any other foolishness you've concocted.) The REASON that two full income couples have a lesser incidence of domestic violence is because individuals who are abusers isolate their partners from all external means of support - friends, family, financial independence, etc. An abuser will frequently insist his or her spouse or partner quit their job so they are completely dependent on the abuser and have no financial means of escape.

 

[DChristian112]

I agree with that, but I am not dependent on anyone but myself, and I am all about owmen's rights and all, but i never stated that i sat there and took his abuse and depended on his, just to clarify, i know i can do better than him, and i ws not about to stay.
(he had no income, unless you count his golf course job during the summer-lol)

 

[AmosMoses]

All this about who pays for dinner and a movie may mean something, but it sounds kinda irrelevant to the fact that this wom,an has a damned psycho stalking her...coulda, shoulda, woulda....well, the clock ain't gonna turn back, even though I don't know what she could have done any differently short of deciding to fly solo the rest of her life or getting an inside track on a mind reading device. That said, I agree with safety being the key. 12 times for the cops to come? Ma'am, I know you love and care for your kids, and for that reason you may not be able to afford NOT to get a gun. I can promise you that there are ways to make it's storage safe, MUCH safer than it's absence if he shows up with plans of pulling an OJ!!! You have poisons and lethal medications in your home, I presume, or you would if need be, and you keep them from your kids. It can be done even easier and better with firearms. It's up to you, but like I said, with law enforcement response (or lack of) being what it is, can you afford NOT to have one? Good luck, and BE CAREFUL!!!

 

[DChristian112]

AmosMoses

I have actually been considering one, yes I am scared one of my children would get to it. But at this point and for future pyschos, I am willing to do whatever it takes to protect my life and the life of my children. It is my divine right!
*******BUT- I have an update...********
Pyscho got arrested tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And all I needed was hard evidence, what is that you may be asking? Hmm. I dunno, a camcorder, proving he was stalking me all of the hours of the night!
I was sitting here, and had my sisters over for a girls night, and my children are with their father, so my sister brought her camcorder out, we were going to dink around with it, then, we saw the ******* drive by my home (keep in mind my OFP states no where within 2 block vicinity of my home)
We got it on tape, I called the cops, within and hour, Pyscho was arrested, and I am at ease, until he gets out of jail Monday night...
So, his hearing for the original 12 complaints is still scheduled for March 28 and I am so looking forward to testifying at that trial.
Can they give him a long jail sentence? Say like two years????
The only thing I have to worry about now, is he pyscho father (it runs in the family).
Thanks for all of the advice and support and I will keep you updated!
God Bless!