Phone Harrassment/Threats

[nannygoat3]

What is the name of your state? Rhode Island

My boyfriend and I have been receiving harrassing phone calls from his ex-girlfiend and I'm not sure what we can do about it.

Initially, she called to say that she is coming after him for child support for her 12 year old child. He says he is not sure if the child is his. The child was born in California and his name is on the birth certificate. Also the child has his surname, however, by her own admission, he did not sign the birth certificate, she forged his signature. He has not responded to any of her calls and has decided to wait until Child Support Enforcement notifies him so he can take a paternity test. However, she calls continuously. She calls, hangs up...calls, hangs up....over and over again. We know it is her because her number comes up on the caller id. Also, she has left many messages saying that she is going to have him put in jail, that she is going to ruin his life and everything he has worked for, that she is going to ruin our relationship....it just goes on and on. He has saved all the messages.

It is really becoming disruptive to our lives and I'm not sure what we should do about it. She lives in another state, half way across the country.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Nannygoat3

 

[TYRIS]

What is the name of your state? Rhode Island

My boyfriend and I have been receiving harrassing phone calls from his ex-girlfiend and I'm not sure what we can do about it.

Initially, she called to say that she is coming after him for child support for her 12 year old child. He says he is not sure if the child is his. The child was born in California and his name is on the birth certificate. Also the child has his surname, however, by her own admission, he did not sign the birth certificate, she forged his signature. He has not responded to any of her calls and has decided to wait until Child Support Enforcement notifies him so he can take a paternity test. However, she calls continuously. She calls, hangs up...calls, hangs up....over and over again. We know it is her because her number comes up on the caller id. Also, she has left many messages saying that she is going to have him put in jail, that she is going to ruin his life and everything he has worked for, that she is going to ruin our relationship....it just goes on and on. He has saved all the messages.

It is really becoming disruptive to our lives and I'm not sure what we should do about it. She lives in another state, half way across the country.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Nannygoat3

-With her living in another state you will have a hard time filing charges against her unless she make threats which constitute a felony.

Your boyfriend needs to force the situation and get a paternity test. If he's the childs father than he needs to step up and support him. If he turns out not to be the childs father than the best advice I could give is to change his phone number.


Tyris

 

[nannygoat3]

Thank you for your response Tyris.

Apparently, in the past, when he has cut off phone contact from her, she has shown up on his doorstep. The fact that she lives in another state has not stopped her from doing this. I think by keeping the same number, he is trying to avoid this.

Perhaps we should just contact a lawyer?

Nannygoat3

 

[bambi66]

I had similar problems in the past and I just called the phone company. They suggested I temporarily (2 weeks & free) change my phone number. During that period, if anyone called my old number, they got the recording that the number had been disconnected. I gave the temporary number only to those who needed it. Stopped my problem caller!

 

[djohnson]

The phone company can also block problem numbers from calling. Contact your to see what they require. You can also get a very loud horn and keep by the phone.

On another front, is he active in this childs life? Has he been? Is he paying child support? You may have more problems than just her calling and hanging up.

 

[nannygoat3]

Thank you all for your responses.

I will take the suggestion and contact the phone company.

No he is not involved in the child's life and no he does not pay child support.

She had been married to another individual until last year. All this started after she was divorced.

It seems to me that she is more interested in having a relationship with him, as opposed to him having a relationship with the child or him paying child support, which seems to be an afterthought on her part.

In the messges she has left she has stated....and I quote "I told you I would never come after you for child support as long as you always kept in contact with me. Now you've broken your promise, I'm going to break mine. You think you're going to move on with your life, we'll see about that. I'll do what ever I have to, whether it be to have you incarcerated or whatever."

That was just one of the messages. She calls with "reminders" telling him she hasn't forgotten about him and she'll be coming at him "fast and hard." She has said that she will destroy everything he has worked for and she will ruin our relationship.

He has said that paternity has not been established and there is no court order in place.

I guess at this point we are just waiting to see what "hard and fast" consists of , and we'll have to deal with it.

He has also expressed that he has no problem taking a paternity test and if the child is his...he will pay support.

We just want her to get on with it and stop harrassing us.

 

[djohnson]

Just be prepared to pay back child support once paternity is established. She may not be very nice, but she is still a single mother in the courts eyes and the child deserves support. It also deserves a father. On a personal note, you need to consider the kind of man you are with that would just abandon his child.

 

[nannygoat3]

I understand what you're saying and I totally agree with you. I don't know this child but my heart goes out to him.

The only thing I can say is that these are very dysfunctional and addicted people in this situation. Previously, my boyfriend has tried to get sober and has had to distance himself from this person. This time around he has been sober for almost a year and feels it necessary to avoid this person at this time. I hate to say it but I find it hard to believe this child would have been better off with the two of them continuing on the way they have over the past 13 years.

Perhaps when all is said and done, and paternity has been established, that will change. But in the meantime, I think it is best for all involved if she would just stop the harrassment and let the system do its job.

 

[TYRIS]

I understand what you're saying and I totally agree with you. I don't know this child but my heart goes out to him.

The only thing I can say is that these are very dysfunctional and addicted people in this situation. Previously, my boyfriend has tried to get sober and has had to distance himself from this person. This time around he has been sober for almost a year and feels it necessary to avoid this person at this time. I hate to say it but I find it hard to believe this child would have been better off with the two of them continuing on the way they have over the past 13 years.

Perhaps when all is said and done, and paternity has been established, that will change. But in the meantime, I think it is best for all involved if she would just stop the harrassment and let the system do its job.

- You might also have him try getting a restraining order against her.

If you change the phone number and she shows up on your doorstep, call the Police. If you can get the restraining order on her and she shows up she can be arrested.

Tyris

 

[nannygoat3]

Thank you Tyris,

We have talked about all of this and have decided to try to find a lawyer. Hopefully, with a lawyer we will be able to accomplish two things. First, is to get the ball rolling on the paternity test. Second, perhaps they can send her a letter or something, and let her know that all correspondence should go through them and that if she continues harrassing us, that she will get in trouble.

I will also look into a restraining order. I'm not sure what the process would be being that we live in different states.

Does anyone know anything about this?

Nannygoat

 

[outonbail]

The restraining order would be local, in case she shows up on your doorstep, in your state, as you indicated she may do if you have the phone number changed.

BTW, this x-girlfriend wouldn't happen to have the first name of Carol would she?

 

[nannygoat3]

No, her name is not Carol...lol, I assume this scenerio sounds familiar to you? If so, what have you been able to do to stop it?

nannygoat3

 

[nannygoat3]

Does anyone know if/how I can determine if there is a child support order against someone in California? Is that a matter of public record?

Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Nannygoat3

 

[rmet4nzkx]

This is not harassment, your boyfriend needs to deal with reality. Another man has sholdered his responsibility for 12 years, now it is his turn. I already responded to you on your other threaad with your specific questions about paternity and back child support. You didn't know your boyfriend 12 years ago so you were not there and don't know the facts, only what he has told you.

 

[nannygoat3]

This is not harassment, your boyfriend needs to deal with reality. Another man has sholdered his responsibility for 12 years, now it is his turn. I already responded to you on your other threaad with your specific questions about paternity and back child support. You didn't know your boyfriend 12 years ago so you were not there and don't know the facts, only what he has told you.

I appreciate your response on the other post. I posted that after this one because I was looking for specific information from a knowlegable person on whether or not child support orders were public record in California.

To answer this post, in my opinion, it most certainly is harassment. If all she was looking for was child support, she could go to court, get an order and have that be the end of it. However, she chooses to call continuously hanging up, calling names, making threats, etc. etc.

I feel for any woman who cannot collect child support, however I believe a sane person would maintain their dignity and use the legal resources available to them.

You also, did not know my boyfriend 12 years ago, nor do you know him now. You also do not know the all the facts, only what I have told you so ease up on the judgements.