Please help!

[knotcops]

What is the name of your state? Somewhere in LALA Land

After being unjustly fired this morning, I was on my way home from a bankruptcy hearing, and I was involved in a traffic accident. My insurance expired three days ago even though I sent the payment in yesterday. I was arrested for DUI after blowing a .35. The officer searcher my vehicle and found a kilo of meth that I had forgotton about in the trunk. It wasn't mine however, as I was holding it for a friend. I called home from jail and a man answered the phone and told me he was with the INS and was deporting my undocumented housekeeper. I was able to talk to her and she informed me that my husband had just left with my kids and was filing for divorce. If this wasn't enough, she also said that a letter arrived today from the IRS and I was being audited for the last three years. What should I do? I have never done anything wrong in my life! Thank you for your polite responses.

 

[racer72]

You forgot to mention you are being sued by the RIAA for copyright infringement.

 

[cbg]

And that your health insurance is refusing to pay a bill that was not submitted by your doctor ten years ago.

 

[Son of Slam]

And that IAAL was mean to you.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

That was funny, SOS! Once again, you have managed to tickle my funny bone!

Hey, want to know where that bone is located?

IAAL

 

[Son of Slam]

I'll bite.

 

[craftymom]

Don't panic!

You were on your way home from a bankruptcy hearing, after all. So, your insurance shouldn't have lapsed as they can't discontinue you simply due to your bankruptcy case. AND--if you are now officially bankrupt, you have no payment due anyway!

That .35 DUI? No sweat. Tell them that I sent you some liquor filled chocolates from Germany, and that you had no idea how much more potent the alcohol is over there.

The housekeeper? hhhhhmmmm.....well, you didn't KNOW she was undocumented, right? Before she's completely gone though, try and see if she has any friends that would be willing to replace her. Can't have dust piling up, right?

A kilo of meth, huh? I don't suppose it was hidden in coffee cans? You could always argue that the coffee came from the store that way. How could you, and innocent consumer, even possibly be responsible for that?? It's all the fault of Maxwell House.

Hope this helps....

 

[knotcops]

Boy, all I do is come here for advice and I get flamed. Don't you people have any compasion? Your all pathetic (oop's, that word is used to much). I really am a good person you know, Christian, Jew, Muslim, Athiest and am innocenct of all charges! Haven't been in trouble since my release from prison 2 weeks ago. I'll just have to go over to that other site where the liberals can make me feel warm and fuzzy. Thanks for nothing!

 

[DogToenails]

knotcop, good news!!! Since they didn't read you your Miranda rights, you're allowed to skip bail until the statue of liber......er, limitations expires. If they cuffed you too tight (and I KNOW they did), the SOL is only 4 days!!!! Just hide in the bushes until then and you're record will be wiped clean forever. They'll even expunge a relative's conviction for you and increase your SAT scores by 25%.

P.S. When you're in the clear, please move into my neighborhood.

 

[knotcops]

boy, all i does is come here for advise and I get famed. done you peeple have any comparison? You all pathetic (oop's, dat word used to mush). i reelly am a god person ya now, Christian, Jaw, Mooslim, Athid and am innocenct all charges! havent been in troble since my relese from prisson 2 weaks ago. Ill just hav to go over to that other sight were the liberals can make me feal warm and fussy. thanks for noting!