sexual assault by a bouncer - in Canada

[wildflower666]

I don't know if anyone here can help me; I realize this is a forum for those living in the U.S. but I can't find anything like it when I search for one in Canada...

I've been frequenting a bar, once or twice weekly, for the last 2+ years. I felt that I knew and trusted the bar owner and his staff - it's a small rock club with a very tight group of patrons.

My l/t boyfriend was out of town. I went to the club and met up with friends, who left before I did. The head bouncer approached me and asked if I wanted to do some coke (cocaine). He handed me a bag with a pattern on it. I went into the washroom, verified it was coke, did some, gave it back. He asked if I wanted to go to an after-hours club that I knew of across the street, implying the rest of the staff would soon follow. I agreed.

We went to the club, after I had many drinks and was well past my limit. Basically, what happened is that he asked if I wanted to do some more coke, opened a bag that looked exactly the same as the first, and set out two very large lines for me to do.

After I did them, he smiled and told me it was actually 'Special K' (ketamine, which is a strong animal tranquillizer). I lost all my motor control within minutes, couldn't grasp or hold anything, (I was already extremely drunk), had difficulty seeing and hearing and 'reality' seemed to be leaving me. I felt like I was going to die.

He put me in a cab and got in, took me to my home, took off my clothes, and committed several sexual acts on/with me. I do not remember all of them, as I was slipping in and out of consciousness. There was penetration involved.

He used a condom, which I took to a rape centre in a hospital, where it is frozen should I choose to use it as evidence against him. I had blood and urine taken and tested; not much was found in the way of ketamine since the tests were taken 2 days after the fact.

I am debating what to do in this situation. I don't want to go through the stress of a lengthy court case. I would be happy if the bouncer were permanently fired from the club, as it is the hub of my entire social life. As of this weekend, I was informed at the door of the club that I and my boyfriend have been banned until a 'resolution' has been reached between us and the bar owner. This seems wrong to me, but there isn't much I feel I can do about it.

Could someone offer advice as to how to proceed with this? I have not yet gone to the police as I feel they will take my situation and run with it, so that I no longer have any control. My main focus is to get access to 'my' club again and make sure the bouncer is not only suspended (as he is right now) but fired. I don't know if this is possible without going to the police. I also want to be able to frequent the club again without this constant tension between myself and the owner and staff - I mean no harm to them or to the bar.

Please comment if you feel you can help!

 

[Beth3]

I expect you haven't gone to the police because you purchased and used illegal drugs in the club and clearly not for the first time.

You have two choices - report the rape to the police knowing you run some risk of criminal prosecution for your own activities that evening, or find a new club.

Quitting doing coke and stopping abusing alcohol wouldn't be a bad choice either. As long as you do both and associate with drug dealers, you continue to put your personal safety and life at risk.

 

[CombatTN88]

If you went ahead with drugs, you can't expect to protest after what you just did. On the other side, if you rejected his offer and he still took you home and raped you, that would be a different story.

 

[Beth3]

Wait a sec, Combat - even if she made poor choices and put herself in a risky situation, the rapist is still completely responsible for his criminal actions. Plus it appears he gave her a date-rape drug which made it impossible for her to say no or try and fight him off.

The problem wildflower has however is that she can't report the crime without her own criminal activities becoming known.

What stumps me though is that she's a whole lot more concerned about getting back into her regular club/drug spot than she is about having been drugged, raped, and the possiblity she was exposed to one or more STD's.

 

[CombatTN88]

It is true that the rapist should be held accountable no matter if writer was under influence or not, but my point is that she went ahead with drugs which made things complicated.

 

[wildflower666]

Clarification...

Thank you for your input on my current situation.

Beth3, I'd like to mention that this was my third time using cocaine, as I am not a regular user. Second, I have never purchased it, as I don't have the financial resources or desire to have a large quantity. In this instance, I was unaware that the bouncer even used cocaine himself, let alone offered it to patrons of the bar (such as myself). He is a very large, muscular man, who is very much into kickboxing and body building, who does not smoke or drink, presumably to retain his physique. I suspect he carried drugs only so that he can offer them to female patrons he is interested in.
Also, I'd like to say that I could report the crime if I chose to - it is not a crime to use a drug, only to possess or offer or sell it. The police would not be able to charge me on that matter. The fact is that I don't trust the police and their methods, and I would prefer not to lose control of the situation. When police are involved, they tend to completely take the matter out of the victim's hands.

CombatTN88, I would like to say that I have done substantial online research after this incident happened. It is a fact that sex with a woman after she has ingested any sort of drugs, or if she has above a specific blood-alcohol limit, is considered rape or sexual assault. Consent to sex, even if it is given, while a woman is under these influences, is considered consent under duress (or pressure), and absolves her of responsibility.

I was sexually assaulted by a trusted acquaintance who gave me a different drug than what he said he would.

My concern is not to get back into this club for the reason of obtaining more drugs, but for the reason that it is the only club in this city where I had felt truly 'at home', where I could relax with my friends. This has been taken away from me.

What I would like to see happen is that this man never works as a bouncer again, at least not at this particular club. I wish no harm done to the club's owner, who is a friend of mine, or done to his establishment. I'm wondering if there is a way I can charge this person without involving the club, or even perhaps the police. An out-of-court settlement would be nice, however I suspect not possible.

Anyone with knowledge of what to do in such a situation, please respond. I am not looking for judgement to be passed on my drug or alcohol use, my motivation behind going back to this club or my personal morals. I am looking for answers as to what to do next in this situation, and what my options are. I don't have the money required to pursue legal help.

 

[FarmerJ]

just a question how do you think the OPP or police dept will react when you tell them that you consumed a illegal drug voluntarily ? as a private business now the club can refuse to serve any one they wish to I would imagine the managements right to refuse service is same any where

 

[Beth3]

You can either report the crime to the police or obtain legal representation and file a civil suit against the bouncer. I'd expect you'd have a very hard time prevailing in a civil suit without a finding of criminal guilt against the bouncer and the results of a police investigation proving the facts of the case to back you up.

In any event, there is nothing you can do to make the club owner invoke the penalty you wish against the bouncer. If they want to bar you from the club and keep him employed, they are free to do so.

 

[lauras2u]

call your local rape crisis center. They can help you decide. The hospital or the police can give u the phone number if u can't find it.