estate distribution dilemma - family frozen out

[seeeker]

Hi,
My uncle died in late 2005 in Rhode Island. He was a very successful artist and director. He painted and sold maritime paintings for thousands of $$$. In 1961 he won an Oscar for a film he wrote and directed. I am also an illustrator, and have inherited his genes as a flaky, emotional artist.

In 1991 he was married until a divorce in the late 90's. Because he was notoriously unorganized with is finances and lifestyle, he had nowhere to go; thus he remained in residence with his estranged ex-wife from roughly 1998 until his death.

He wrote a will in 1992 that gave her virtually everything. My brother and I each got 1%. We got none of his artwork, effects, nothing, not even the Oscar. I have no idea on earth how he wrote such a will, other than he was careless about his affairs.

I have written two very sincere letters to his ex-wife the situation from our perspective, explaining my relationship to him, how much he meant to me, how it is very difficult to accept as we are his biological family. And we would appreciate if she could part with a few things, especially the Oscar. It is very important that something remains in his biological family that we can celebrate and share with our children/grandchildren. As of now I have nothing, she has everything.

I got no real replies to the letters, only a brief statment from her attorney offering to effectively sell me a painting for my 1%. That's harsh.

I am beyond upset, I am shocked and disappointed that she can be sooooo cold and selfish, hoarding everything. This has been a great life lesson, how with legal and family matters people can be so cold and mean. Evidently she feels that because she put up with him and supported him financailly after their divorce, she has the right to recoup that by selling his work. Fine.

I understand I have virtually no legal ground, as she is the executor.

My last desperate appeal I believe is to contact her family. She has a son who is a doctor in New York, I am hoping he is reasonable, to win him over. Lastly, call her and make an impassioned, sincere, polite case. I do not expect her to be reasonable whatsoever.

This whole situation disgusts and saddens me, it is so hurtful and cold.

My question is, what are my options? What would be the best way to appeal to her or her son directly? My father recommended calling her attorney to see what they say, but I don't see where that would get me.

It's like my uncle has been erased from existence, us left with nothing to remember him. Meanwhile she, who seemed to be so fed up with him, has everything, presumably to sell off to the public. She seems unwilling to part with anything. I must call her and/or her son to find out directly though.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
thank you

 

[seeeker]

I forgot to mention that he had no children, only a brother and two nephews (neither the brother - my father nor the other nephew, my brother, have any interest in this situation).

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Your advice then, both legal and personal, is to forget it and move on. Your uncle effectively disinherited you by will. That was his right.

 

[Betty]

Yep - I agree. If his will left virtually everything to his ex-wife except 1% to you & your brother each that is the way he apparently wanted it. The will has to be followed & ex-wife can do with her share as she wishes.

 

[seeeker]

I know what the will states, that is not in dispute. My question was to the matter of appealing to his ex-wife's family on a more personal level. The law is cold, and evidently she is frostbitten.

The law does not recognize what is right, only what is documented. When he wrote the will I was very young, and did not know him as well as I did in the last 5-6 years. He had a poor elationship with his broter - my father - as well. Things change. He was sane, though careless with archiving and business affairs. He didn't care. On occasionas visiting him he said "go ahead take whatever you want". I know he would not have wanted to completely shut us out. And when he was smitten in love, probably didn't think she would eventually hoard everything for personal gain. What he should have done was modify his will after their divorce, but he did not.

So the law doesn't take any of that into account. Fine. My dismay is that she chooses to hoard every single item of his, from his books, his art materials, drafting table, old paintings, manuscripts, designs. What is se going to do with all that, that she cannot share some of it with his nephews. That's beyond greedy.

On top of that, there is much work that was created before their relaltionship, including the Oscar, that she could part with.

What's more, is she and her sons are psychiatrists, and presumably have heard countless times stories from patients recounting trials and troubles of life - and yet in her participation in a similar relationship issue, she chooses to inflict pain on others.

I think I have every right to at least ask her directly why she feels so selfish. It's not what he truly would have wanted. But again of course the law doesn't care about family problems or what might be fair or just, just what is documented.

I know the will disinerits us, but I don't believe that accurately reflects his true wishes at the time of his death.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I know the will disinerits us, but I don't believe that accurately reflects his true wishes at the time of his death.

It does to the court and that's all that matters.

 

[anteater]

I think I have every right to at least ask her directly why she feels so selfish.

You are absolutely right. Go ahead and ask.

 

[seeeker]

It does to the court and that's all that matters.

yeah I know that.how may times did I say that? This is my first experience with the law - and I'm not even really going through any proceeedings - and I never want to deal with it again - it's cold as ice in these kinds of cases.

whatever. people are cold and that's what I know now.

 

[Dandy Don]

Did you receive your 1% share of this estate in cash or have you received nothing at all?

Do not under any circumstances contact any other member of her family--it will only create more spite. Why is it so hard for you to understand that his lady wants nothing to do with any of you all any more? Did you all even have any type of relationship with her while her husband was still alive? Why weren't you all asking for personal items when the estate was first up for probate?

The best legacy you have is to get a DVD or videotape copy of his film and that is what you can discuss with your children and grandchildren, or look for props/memorabilia/scripts associated with the film to purchase for yourself.

 

[seeeker]

Did you all even have any type of relationship with her while her husband was still alive? Why weren't you all asking for personal items when the estate was first up for probate?

I did know this woman, and she seemed kind and friendly. There was no indication that she would be so greedy and distant.

I was indeed asking for personal items when it was in probate. I wrote two very kind sincere letters, one last January two months after he died, and one this past October when the estate was in probate. Both were essentially ignored. Like I said, I got a reply from her attorney offering to *sell* me one painting of her choosing. That's ****ing harsh.

I have not yet received the 1%, although I could contact her attorney and get that without a problem I think.

well I'm getting the general consensus here, and while it hurts it is presumably best to forget it and move on. It's very hard though when people, who in my opinion do not deserve EVERYTHING of his, cannot part with anything - he had paintings, manuscripts, books, a studio, a drafting table, sketch books. It;s just greed. Plus shutting out his family is so cold and I am shocked.

We have reason to believe that although the will gave them everything, it's not what he truly would have wanted. The will was written fifteen years ago when he was smitten in love. They since divorced and were estranged. Why would you leave everything you own, your entire creative legacy, to your ex-wife???? He simply did not pay attention to these affairs. Now they are greedy and cold and I have to accept that he has been completely erased from our lives.

In fact, in the last couple years she was calling my father (his brother) practically begging him to come and take him away. Now of course he is out of her hair and she can reap the financial rewards for his work. Sickens me.

Any of you who say "just move on" obviously have never experienced this before and have no idea on a personal level how it feels.

I guess I'll have to deal with it though. Those peoploe are ****ing disgusting period.