Cannot find will, spouse incompetant

What is the name of your state? Virginia
my grandfather just passed away (he lived in ashboro, nc) and my father (his only child) cannot find the will. he knows my grandfather had a life insurance policy and possibly a will. my grandmother is still living, but she is in a rehab home after having a stroke just before my grandfather passing and has alzheimers (spelling?). they say that she is incompetant and we cannot get a power of attorney to try to have dad be the executor of grandpa's estate. we have no idea what to do...who to contact...etc. where would we look for a will, where would a copy of the life insurance policy be, and how can my dad get control of the estate to pay the bills, pay off the funeral, etc? do these documents have to be filed somewhere? any advice on how to proceed would be much appreciated.

You don't need to get a power of attorney to be executor of an estate. Your father can go down to the courthouse anytime and file to be administrator of the estate (assuming there is no will), giving him the legal authority to start claming assets and paying outstanding bills.

Do you all have access to the grandfather's house to search through his personal papers to look for the will at his home? If it is not there, call all probate lawyers in the city to ask if it is on file there, or place a small classified ad in the local newspaper mentioning "Searching for the last will & testament of John Doe. Please call XXX-XXXX or write to My Name, 1234 Easy St., Richmond, VA XXXXX).

Ask his bank for permission to search his previous year's cancelled checks to try to find if any record of life insurance payments or pay $89 to have a search done through the website www.l-lifeinsurance.com.

He may also want to consider hiring the services of a local probate attorney on an hourly basis to answer any questions he might have or to guide him through the probate process.

DANDY DON