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Adoption

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Susan Musser

Guest
What is the name of your state? Virginia.
My husband has custody of a child (that is not biologically his), that he would like to give up for adoption to the child's biological aunt. His former wife (biological mother of child) is deceased and the aunt is the biological mother's sister, she resides in Florida. The biological father lives here in VA, but wants nothing to do with the child; he is even fighting having to take a paternity test to prove that he is indeed the father. My husband knows him to be the father based on the following facts 1.) my husband at the time of conception, was deployed out of country 2.) his wife on her death bed confessed to the true identity of the biological father 3.) her sister (the aunt) says that she has always know the real father's identity, and will sign a sworn statement to that fact 4.) the child looks just like the biological father.
What we need to know is how my husband would go about this adoption with his former sister-in-law. My husband is listed as the father on the child's birth certificate. Once the adoption is final, would my husband's name no longer be on the birth certificate?
Thank you for any help in this matter.
 


Seanscott

Member
If the aunt is married, and has a proper home for the child, the adoption might not be too difficult. However, there could be a couple serious problems.

In the eyes of the court, your husband is the father. Personally, I would not waste my time with the biological father, especially if he refuses to establish paternity. His approval is not necessary. If he won't cooperate with you or the courts, the he apparently is quite happy to let your husband claim paternity. Having your husband listed as the father instead of the deadbeat, shouldn't make a lot of difference.

Your aunt needs to file a petitition to adopt, and your husband can then consent to terminate his parental rights.

The problem arises when the court will not necessarily give the child to his aunt. They may determine he should go into the foster child program. Adoptions by extended family members are not a "sure thing", even if everybody agrees - aunt, father, bio-father, etc.

When an adoption is approved, a new birth certificate is issued with the new parents listed as the biological parents. The records are sealed, and the adoption is "permanent & irrevocable."

I think you need a family attorney. You have a tricky situation that cannot be solved on a webstie. Hope everything works out for you. Good luck. (especially to the boy!!)
 
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Susan Musser

Guest
Dear Scott,
Thank you for your reply. I hope that I am doing this correctly and that you indeed receive this e-mail.
My husband's former sister-in-law has a very stable home life, has two wonderful daughters of her own and has been married for quite some time. So hopefully the courts would see her fit.
What reason would the court have to send a child into a foster situation if there is a stable home, where she has family, already waiting for her? And if she did end up in foster care @ what point would the courts decide to try to place her in a permanent home? And again, who would their first choices be? I would think family?
I agree with you about the biological father, he is of no use, just your typical "sperm-donor."
I will pass on the info about the aunt petitioning for adoption, and we'll take it from there.
Again thanks again for the advice.
Susan
 

Seanscott

Member
The court will do whatever is in the child's best interest. I think it would be obvious to a judge that the child would belong with the aunt.

Sometimes, in a relative adoption, the relative may not have a proper home, be a decent parent, or be aged or ill - that's when the foster child program comes into it. In your case, with the mother deceased, and a proper blood relative anxious to adopt, I'd think foster care would not be considered.

You can go to Google.com and type in - Virginia relative adoption termination of parental rights (no quotation marks) and find a lot of information.

After filing the petition to adopt, the father can consent to the termination of his rights. The state usually conducts a home study and background check of the prospective parents. Even if everything is just right, the process may take 6 months or longer to be finalized. Soooo - the aunt might as well file the petition right away.

I'm not a lawyer, just someone who has learned about the adoption process the hard way. Hope I've helped a little bit. :)
 
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Susan Musser

Guest
Dear Scott,
Glad to hear that you are not a lawyer ha! :D They tend to shake things up a bit.
Can you tell me what kind of fees are involved in filing the petition for adoption, and court costs etc...just wondering what to expect.?
You have been a great help-thanks.
Susan
 

Seanscott

Member
Hi Susan - We paid our attorney $50 for a one-hour consultation, then had to pay a $1,000 retainer. The bio-dad "kind of" contested the adoption. We are almost done - just waiting for the judge & prosecutor's approval - and should receive a refund of around $400 - $500 from the lawyer. The retainer to the lawyer covered all the filing charges, but not the home study, which cost $100.

I'm in Indiana, and I imagine things are similar, but not quite the same in Virginia.

If you and your husband have taken any state aid, you may be asked to pay some of it back.

Scott
 
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Susan Musser

Guest
Well like I said lawyers make me nervous...not sure that their fees are ever really worth it. Well I guess O.J. Simpson would argue with me on that one ha!:)
Filing petitions are not costly, and I do not anticipate any resistance from the "sperm-donor." So hopefully, it will go smoothly.
My husband is due back in court in Sept. for a trial, "sperm-donor" got himself a slick lawyer and is fighting having to take the paternity test., basically the lawyer's argument is that it is all hearsay about his client being the bio-dad, ya my response to that is, "then why the hell does "sperm-donor" need an attorney, and why would you fight the paternity test, if you know yourself to not be the father?" I guess this "sperm-donor" went to O.J.'s school for the guilty. My husband is thinking about investing $500.00 to take a paternity test before the trial, so he can go into court and show as evidence that he is indeed not the bio-father,and therefore have himself excluded, also as evidence he would have military documentation showing him out of the country at the time of conception, and also a noterized statement from his former sister-in-law naming the "sperm-donor." He would do this with the hopes that the judge would then issue a court order paternity test for the bio-dad. And we would ask for reimbursement for the $$$ that we sunk in for my husband's paternity test. Not sure if the judge would order the paternity test...not sure what verbal case the slick lawyer would make, and also, if we can even request being reimbursed for the $500??
It my understanding the judge could just close the case and not have the bio dad be tested, so if that happened we would be no further along in showing paternity on the bio-dad's side and we would be out the $$$$. I'm thinking that we just go to court, with only the military documentation and statement from sister-in-law, and see what the judge says, if she orders the paternity test fine, if not, we have someone who wants the child anyway. I just hate to invest the $$$ for something we already know to be fact.
Sorry for the lengthy discourse.
Thanks for all the replies.
:)
 

Seanscott

Member
C'MON!!! Do you really think O. J. was guilty?? He is out searching for the real killer on every golf course in America!!!

(just joking!) Yes, money talks doesn't it?
 

Seanscott

Member
Just one question, if you don't mind my being nosy -

Why is it important to know if the biodad is or is not the father? He doesn't have to participate unless your husband forces him. I think the adoption could be completed without him ever being involved. Maybe I'm wrong. Are you afraid he may come back years later and demand to see "his" child?

Thanks. Oops - 2 questions there.
 
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Susan Musser

Guest
Well you see, my husband originally wanted the bio-dad to step up to the plate and assume custody of the child, but now we see that he is not going to accept responsibility, and since filing our first petition, the aunt has expressed strong intent to adopt the child; so to me I don't think proving paternity at this point would resolve anything, so now we are probably just going to go to court in Sept and see what the judge has to say. If she issues the paternity test and based on the finding the "sperm-donor" is found to be the bio-dad, I think if he doesn't want the child, she would become a ward of the state and then the aunt could adopt...but in the interim, before the adoption is final, I think bio-dad would some how be financially responsible to the state for the child.
What do you think? :confused:
 

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